Would you have had kids if you couldn't

Avatar for cindytree
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Would you have had kids if you couldn't
1589
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 3:31pm
Would you still have had children if you knew you might not be able to pay for their college education? I'm not talking about providing food and shelter and needs of minor children and paying bills in general. Just about paying their way through college.

I guess I'm still astounded at the attitude that surfaced at another thread implying that if they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have had children. Of course, I'm a lazy, selfish mom at home who isn't working while some of my kids are in school so maybe my opinion doesn't count. Maybe I SHOULD take up scrapbooking to make my existence more worthwhile! lol

In any case, it is an interesting question considering that, under that reasoning, Oprah Winfrey shouldn't have been born. Give me time and I can come up with a whole list of highly successful and respected people who have impacted us in positive ways that wouldn't have been born had their parents decided that because they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have children.

How has the college issue influenced your decision to have children, if at all? Do you think it is an important criteria in the decision?

Cindy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 11:48am
I understand where you're coming from. And I agree, to a point. But people do a lot ofchanging in their 30s and 40s too. Parenthood, new jobs, health, age .. all affect our maturity and our personalities and who we are. I just can't see foregoing marriage because "you might change" because then you'd never get married, because we're all always changing and maturing, IMO.

Hollie

Avatar for karenester
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 11:51am
Can you restate your constitutional rights argument for me, please? I honestly don't get it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 12:17pm
Some of them he took. Especially with his first son and our daughter. The second child wasn't planned, so not with that one.
Tonya
Avatar for karenester
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 12:20pm
Where di he find such classes? Was it a college course? And would you exempt college degree holding adults from such silliness?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 12:21pm
If you saw in that post, that I thought of a better idea for society. Since everyone was so hot about the mandated classes, I decided that maybe a general test should be given and then if they were lacking in certain areas then a class be suggested.

Not that I still don't feel that I would have it done the former way. The latter way I suggested is because obviously it hit home with a lot of people and if they feel it violated their constitutional rights, then maybe it's wrong to be done that way. But it doesn't change how *I* feel it should be done.

Tonya
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 12:22pm
Very true . . . if we waited to get married until we stopped changing, we'd never get married! :)

When I referred to maturing or changing, I really meant "growing up" in your 20s. For most people, your 20s are when you leave your parents house and start to live on your own, you start fulltime work or school, you just take on a general responsibility for yourself. You become "independent" and start to figure out what *you* want and who *you* are, apart from your parents.

I think it's important to experience this before you get married. If you get married too young, you miss this part. Which for some isn't such a big deal. For me, I'm glad I had my "independence" part of my life before I married my DH.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 12:31pm
What kind of birth control were you taking?

I ask this because most of the birth control forms are 98-99.9 percent effective. And every accidental pregnancy person I talk to happens to say the same thing. "I was on birth control". I never once heard anyone say, "I screwed up". All of them just so happens to fit into that 1% category.

Sort of like hearing all the criminals in jail say "I'm innocent".

NOTE: I don't know you personally, so don't think I'm talking about you. This subject just happened to be in your post so I'm just posting this here. Not necessarily for you personally.

Tonya
Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 12:40pm
I'm not twinsmom, but I'll play your game. . . I was on BCP (Trilevelin, to be exact), but 13+ years ago the prescribing doctor didn't inform me that antibiotics would impact the effectiveness of the medication.

I suffer from seasonal allergies and sinus infections often accompany those allergies.

And no, not ALL forms of BC are 98-99% effective.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 12:42pm
Notice all the definitions say something about "obtaining, wresting, and taking". how can you take away something that's already yours. Deciding on your own to give it to someone else under certaoin circimstances is not extortion. It's negotiation.
Tonya
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 12:47pm
*I was uninformed about some aspects of the birth control method I was using.. .if you want to call being uninformed 'not being more careful' then so be it.

I am trying to ensure that my children are fully informed about life. . .all of it.*

Here's a perfect example of someone using the fact that they were "uninformed" about an issue to explain their mishaps. had she known about the aspects ofthe BC she was taking, then maybe her mishap wouldn't have happened.

Forgive me Virgo for using you as an example, but there are people on this board who told me that there were not people who used being uninformed as the reason of their mishap.

Tonya

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