Would you have had kids if you couldn't

Avatar for cindytree
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Would you have had kids if you couldn't
1589
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 3:31pm
Would you still have had children if you knew you might not be able to pay for their college education? I'm not talking about providing food and shelter and needs of minor children and paying bills in general. Just about paying their way through college.

I guess I'm still astounded at the attitude that surfaced at another thread implying that if they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have had children. Of course, I'm a lazy, selfish mom at home who isn't working while some of my kids are in school so maybe my opinion doesn't count. Maybe I SHOULD take up scrapbooking to make my existence more worthwhile! lol

In any case, it is an interesting question considering that, under that reasoning, Oprah Winfrey shouldn't have been born. Give me time and I can come up with a whole list of highly successful and respected people who have impacted us in positive ways that wouldn't have been born had their parents decided that because they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have children.

How has the college issue influenced your decision to have children, if at all? Do you think it is an important criteria in the decision?

Cindy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 1:58pm
Oh come on, we all know that most 18 year olds are immature. And please, how easy do you think it is to go to college while married and hold down a full time job? Not very.

It's a lot easier to get all that other stuff out of the way before being married. Most thinking people would agree.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 2:03pm
Yes, but many more DON'T.

Why not wait? I met my husband when I was 17. We got married 7 years later. By that time we finished college (and had our parents pay for it) had found excellent jobs with promising futures, had lived on our own, had been able to save enough for a home when we got married, and basically had an easy start to marriage.

Obviously we were in love from early on, but what would have been the benefit of marrying in the beginning? None that I can see, only added stress.

Sorry, I don't think marrying at 18 is a smart thing to do, even if a small minority have been able to make a go of it.

Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 2:05pm
I would argue that many 18 year olds are immature because they are expected to behave that way and are allowed to behave that way.

If 18 year olds are SO immature in your view, then I'm sure you're lobbying congress to raise the age at which young men and women can enter the military? or vote?

As to how easy is it to go to school and while married and holding down a FT job. . .Gee, I only worked 30-35 hours per week, but I did have a preschooler at the time, does that count as a FT job? If so, I finished my degree (graduating with a 3.88 gpa) while working, married and with a child).

I work FT, have 3 kids, am married (though dh is away), AND am working on my Masters. . .and have a 3.87 currently.

What you want you work for. . .

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 2:05pm
Nope, but I'm awfully glad he made the decision to enlist BEFORE she got pregnant. Otherwise he might blame her at some point for anything he might eventually perceive that he missed out on in his life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 2:07pm
Absolutely, and statistics bear that out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 2:13pm
But why do you see it as foregoing marriage? What about just postponing marriage? What's the rush?

I mean really, do ya truly want to go to Cancun on Spring Break as a married man or woman? Even though I'm saying that jokingly, there is truth in that teenagers should have the chance to enjoy themselves and act like teens. Otherwise, years down the road they may resent their partners for what they missed.

Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 2:13pm
Gee, and at 21 and 18 we were 'mature' enough to realize that might happen. . .we went through premarital counselling to address that and other aspects of marriage (btw- he asked me. . .I told him we could wait). . .and we continue to COMMUNICATE with each other about our growth and relationship.

Gee, I know some folks who married at 31 and 28 who don't do that.

Avatar for karenester
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 2:14pm
But virgo, ae claiming that your situation is the norm? I also went to law school with a child and worked for a judge and did law review at the same time, with a dh who was also a fulltime law student in another city. But out of a law school of 1500 students, I only knew one other student with similar circumstances.

And I cannot even begin to count all the people I know who gave up on their educations after marrying too young and having kids.

I don't think anyone is suggesting that you should not have married your dh, but I know that I hope my children do finish their degrees, internships, etc. and settle into a job capable of supporting themselves before they marry and have children. To do otherwise does not guarantee failure, but it sure makes things harder than they otherwise need to be.

Avatar for tickmich
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 2:16pm
yes, but you are not the norm. You obviously are a high achiever.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 2:17pm
Uh-oh, the old antibiotics while on the pill trick. That stinks. I knew about it only because I happened to have read about it, not because any doctor told me. Now that should be grounds for a lawsuit if you ask me.

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