Would you have had kids if you couldn't

Avatar for cindytree
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Would you have had kids if you couldn't
1589
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 3:31pm
Would you still have had children if you knew you might not be able to pay for their college education? I'm not talking about providing food and shelter and needs of minor children and paying bills in general. Just about paying their way through college.

I guess I'm still astounded at the attitude that surfaced at another thread implying that if they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have had children. Of course, I'm a lazy, selfish mom at home who isn't working while some of my kids are in school so maybe my opinion doesn't count. Maybe I SHOULD take up scrapbooking to make my existence more worthwhile! lol

In any case, it is an interesting question considering that, under that reasoning, Oprah Winfrey shouldn't have been born. Give me time and I can come up with a whole list of highly successful and respected people who have impacted us in positive ways that wouldn't have been born had their parents decided that because they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have children.

How has the college issue influenced your decision to have children, if at all? Do you think it is an important criteria in the decision?

Cindy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 2:17pm
That's great that you've done so well in school AND been married AND worked AND had a child.

But seriously, can you honestly say it wouldn't have been *easier* had you not been married or had kids? I think that was slim's point . . . that it's easier to get school out of the way BEFORE being married/kids/etc. Do you disagree?

Avatar for tickmich
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 2:18pm
Excellent post!
Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 2:22pm
No, I'm not claiming my situation is 'the norm' but I don't see what I've done or am doing as abnormal either.

I hear people say all the time. . .I don't know how you do it. . .well, damn it, I just do what needs to be done.

Do I want my kids to make choices in their life that will make life more difficult. . .NO, but it may happen. . .and that doesn't mean the end of their lives OR that they were doomed to failure.

IMO, giving up on your education because of work or marriage or children (not postponing, but giving up) is a cop out. What you want you are willing to work for.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 2:23pm
Im sorry but this statement "Fabulous sex with a man I adore (and still do after all this time) was the 'cause'. Had I known more I might have used a back up method. . .but I didn't know better." I don't know, i just can't seem to think of an 18 year old as a man. That's a whole other debate though.

I think you're a very intelligent, responsible, good person, but to be honest if my 18 year son old was sleeping with a 21 year old woman, I would not be a happy camper.

How is that mother in law by the way? How did they take all this at the time?

Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 2:24pm
No, I don't disagree . . .but life isn't about what's easy. It would be easy to do lots of things that I don't do. . .

It would have been easier to NOT go back to school and to stay at lower levels of this field. . .hiding behind my life's situations. . but I don't always do what's easy.

Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 2:29pm
An 18 year old is 'man' enough to die for his country but not man enough to have sex. . .gotcha. 'Man' enough to vote, but not to marry. . .gotcha.

Were they thrilled at the time. . .no.

But they love me and my children. They were here visiting in August and I plan to go see them at Thanksgiving and have a MUCH better relationship with her than with my own mother. I call her everytime I talk to dh to update her on how he's doing.

Interestingly enough, dh's older sister DID wait until after her BA was complete. . .she's had 3 husbands with a child by #2. . .and she just gave birth to another baby with a man I had no idea she was 'seeing'. . .and she's 33. Go figure.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 2:30pm
And you're doing a great job, but not everyone has your drive and determination.

When you were working, caring for a preschooler and going to school I was working, going on vacations, running, going to parties, going out to dinner, decorating my home and having fun. Obviously your pursuits were more noble, but I really got to enjoy myself (and still am). There is something to be said for that.

Avatar for tickmich
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 2:32pm
So, your SIL is a screw up and you are not. That doesnt change the fact that in general its easier and better to goto school first then get married and have kids.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 2:33pm
Like I said, you're the exception - so far. Most 18 year olds simply don't have that level of maturity. Who cares why they don't, they just don't and no way would I not discourage my sons from waiting to get married.
Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 2:34pm
And you know what. . .that stuff ("going on vacations, running, going to parties, going out to dinner, decorating my home") just doesn't really interest me.

I enjoy family vacations, don't get me wrong, and travel. . .but I'm not a 'jet setter'. My idea of fun IS spending time with my family. . .going to a theme park with them, or the zoo, or go-karting, etc.

You're right. . .if that's what interests others, they aren't 'up' for the life I've chosen.

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