Would you have had kids if you couldn't

Avatar for cindytree
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Registered: 03-28-2003
Would you have had kids if you couldn't
1589
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 3:31pm
Would you still have had children if you knew you might not be able to pay for their college education? I'm not talking about providing food and shelter and needs of minor children and paying bills in general. Just about paying their way through college.

I guess I'm still astounded at the attitude that surfaced at another thread implying that if they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have had children. Of course, I'm a lazy, selfish mom at home who isn't working while some of my kids are in school so maybe my opinion doesn't count. Maybe I SHOULD take up scrapbooking to make my existence more worthwhile! lol

In any case, it is an interesting question considering that, under that reasoning, Oprah Winfrey shouldn't have been born. Give me time and I can come up with a whole list of highly successful and respected people who have impacted us in positive ways that wouldn't have been born had their parents decided that because they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have children.

How has the college issue influenced your decision to have children, if at all? Do you think it is an important criteria in the decision?

Cindy

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Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 2:37pm
Easier and better are subjective terms. If you ask my in-laws, I'm the best thing that happened to their son.
Avatar for virgogirl914
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Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 2:38pm
Who cares why they don't have that level of maturity. . .maybe me, since I'm an ECE specialist with a developmental approach.
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Registered: 09-04-1997
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 2:39pm
This is just a personal musing...but....my cousin, who is like a sister to me, married at 19 and had three kids (twins) by the age of 21. I was about the same age, thinking "she's throwing her life away, being tied down like that so early, no education....etc."

She and I both got BAs about the same time. Both got MAs about the same time. She went to work in personnel and is now an academic advisor at a small college in the state she chose to live in. Works on a ten month contract and travels the world all summer with her DH. All three kids are out of the house and she's a free woman.

I go on to get a PhD, so I travel the world, do glamourous research, but don't meet my husband until I am in my 30s, we have kids right away, and I work as a professor in a medium sized college in a state I wouldn't have chosen but have learned to appreciate. I'm on a ten month contract and spend the summers driving between baseball games and basketball practices.

She looks at me and pities me for being "tied down" in what should be the "best" years of my life.

We're both fairly happy people.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 2:39pm
Well, I didn't say have sex, maybe it's just the fabulous sex that I'm having trouble with. It's a very rare "man" who is capable of fabulous sex at that age, kwim? That usually gets much, much better with age and experience. Who knows, maybe your guy was a real ladies man by that young age...
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 2:40pm
While life isn't about what's easy, it also shouldn't be about deliberately choosing the more difficult path either.

I realize that getting pregnant isn't always a "deliberate" choice and in your situation you made a decision and it worked out wonderfully for you. However, if my kids want to get married before or during college just because they're in love (or a similar reason) I'll encourage them to wait until they're finished and a little older. I'd like to steer them down a less stressful path if I can.

Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 2:42pm
Um, nope. . .he wasn't a ladies man. ..trust me on this one. . .but he is VERY sensitive to me and my feelings and in my view that is what made the experience what it was . .. at least for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 2:46pm
That is one way to look at it for sure. I forgot that benefit to marrying/having kids young. When my mom was my age, she had 2 children already graduated from college and one still in. She was basically a "free" woman.

On the other hand, I've done a lot of traveling myself, a lot before having kids, and a lot with my kids. I think being established prior to having them has enabled us to do so much more for and with the kids, like travel, etc.

Avatar for tickmich
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 2:51pm
I wasnt saying you werent the best thing that ever happened to your DH. I wasnt making any judgement about you or your life. I was simply saying that in general it is easier and better to wait to start a family until after college. i stand by that statement.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 2:52pm
I don't think they have "that level of maturity" because they haven't experienced LIFE. They've, more than likely, been in school and living with their parents for the past 18 years.

Moving out of mom & dad's, going to college or getting a fulltime job, being responsible for your own finances - those are things that an average 18 year old does not do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 2:55pm
I stand by your statement too!

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