Would you have had kids if you couldn't

Avatar for cindytree
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Would you have had kids if you couldn't
1589
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 3:31pm
Would you still have had children if you knew you might not be able to pay for their college education? I'm not talking about providing food and shelter and needs of minor children and paying bills in general. Just about paying their way through college.

I guess I'm still astounded at the attitude that surfaced at another thread implying that if they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have had children. Of course, I'm a lazy, selfish mom at home who isn't working while some of my kids are in school so maybe my opinion doesn't count. Maybe I SHOULD take up scrapbooking to make my existence more worthwhile! lol

In any case, it is an interesting question considering that, under that reasoning, Oprah Winfrey shouldn't have been born. Give me time and I can come up with a whole list of highly successful and respected people who have impacted us in positive ways that wouldn't have been born had their parents decided that because they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have children.

How has the college issue influenced your decision to have children, if at all? Do you think it is an important criteria in the decision?

Cindy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 3:15pm
AHA, but you're assuming sex is only physical. Maybe the reason their sex was so fabulous was they loved each other.

Nice dig at virgo's dh being a male slut .... not nice.

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 3:21pm
I see where you're coming from. Really I do. More than you know because I do suspect stbxh and I's early marriage to have *contributed* to our demise. But it wasn't an age thing. Or a maturity thing. (we were 21 and 22 when we married; both with degrees) It was a "lack of relationship experience" thing.

anyhoo, back on thread .... if, 15 years later, you resent the things you missed by marrying early, its not a sign of immaturity when you married, its a sign of *immaturity now, 15 years later*.

Am I disappointed that having kids at 25 and again at 29 prevented me from taking a trip to Paris? Yep. But am I resentful? Nope, because I'm not that immature or selfish. Am I willing to trash my marriage and my relationshipo with my kids to have a *fling*? Nope. Becaue I'm more mature and resposible than that.

My stbxh IS trashing his marriage and his relationship with his kids so he can have the *freedom* of a fun, wild relationship. But that's because he's immature adn irresponsible NOW, at age 33, not because he was immature adn irresponsible THEN at age 22.

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 3:23pm
Stbxh and I did it.

And the stress of maturation, college life and working was NOT a factor in our relationship's demise (see, I knew you'd try to throw that back in my face.)

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 3:26pm
But a situation being "uncommon" (abnormal is such a negative term) doesnt make it wrong and it doens't make it impossible. it just makes it uncommon.

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 3:37pm
Maybe he thinks he deserves to do all those things. Maybe he feels that he was cheated out of those experiences.

I'm not saying he's right, because I agree, not being able to live with your choices is immature, I'm just saying that all that responsibility early on may have been a contributing factor. Maybe.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 3:39pm
oh That's right, your of the opinion you don't believe your child can make their own decisions after 18.. Right my bad.

TwinsMom

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 3:41pm
Huh? I'm not digging.

I loved my husband too, but trust me, sex at the early stages was not "fabulous". I doubt most people would describe their experiences at that age, even with the loves of their lives, as fabulous. Now, however is a different story altogether. Some things really do come with experience (and come again, and again) Oh, I'm soooo bad!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 3:48pm
I was on the pill for 10 yrs.. I stopped when he said he wanted to try and get pregnant. For a year and half we couldnt.. over and over.. the sitting, the side hold.. all of it..

We said fine we can wait til later.. I went back to the doctor, and he put me on a new contraceptive. 3 weeks after starting this type of contraceptive, I got 2 blood clots in my legs. I was told to immediately stop. heh

Using a condom from then until around January.. Somewhere in there from worry over blood clots, I became pregnant... When we least expected it. With Twins..

Irony has no end.

TwinsMom

Avatar for karenester
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 3:49pm
I think this is the first time I have actually spit anything out on my keyboard. And considering the topic, spitting seems fitting, somehow. roflmao
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 3:58pm
To add, I was very responsible for taking my pills. I hardly ever missed aday. It was health reason I started in the first place, at 11yo. My . was not what it was suppose to be, and everytime my mother tried to see if my cycle had 'normaled' out. The pain of menstruation made it so I couldn't even walk. The doctor reccommended to keep me on birthcontrol in to my twenties. Young women don't honestly need that much pain to live with each and every month. It's inherited in my family, along with early hysterectomies, breast cancer, cervical cancer etc.

As a result of my responsibility with my birthcontrol, I did indeed get pregnant more then once, and on every occation I didn't know until I had already m/c. Yes birthcontrol works. But oh, 5 miscarriages is alot if you ask me. But since I was regularly taking my b/c and I never skipped a period. It is possible to get pregnant. I am a living example of it.

So I am not one to doubt the validity of someone saying they did everything right and still got pregnant. I did it 5 times. and b/c of this, I was on high risk my entire pregnancy with my twins.

My first pregnancy that the b/c did NOT take care of, and which I was taking regularly I had to make a choice on what to do. I was 9 weeks pregnant when I found out that I was. I rather not share what I did at this time. That's my buisness. However, Ma'am it DOES happen.

TwinsMom

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