Would you have had kids if you couldn't

Avatar for cindytree
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Would you have had kids if you couldn't
1589
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 3:31pm
Would you still have had children if you knew you might not be able to pay for their college education? I'm not talking about providing food and shelter and needs of minor children and paying bills in general. Just about paying their way through college.

I guess I'm still astounded at the attitude that surfaced at another thread implying that if they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have had children. Of course, I'm a lazy, selfish mom at home who isn't working while some of my kids are in school so maybe my opinion doesn't count. Maybe I SHOULD take up scrapbooking to make my existence more worthwhile! lol

In any case, it is an interesting question considering that, under that reasoning, Oprah Winfrey shouldn't have been born. Give me time and I can come up with a whole list of highly successful and respected people who have impacted us in positive ways that wouldn't have been born had their parents decided that because they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have children.

How has the college issue influenced your decision to have children, if at all? Do you think it is an important criteria in the decision?

Cindy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 5:41pm
I think the whole marrying young or waiting discussion is one of those fork in the road questions. You went one way and another person went another way. No one can say which way is better because you are both content. I had my kids young. Is that better or should I have waited? Who knows and who cares because I did and it is over. I can't push redo. Plus, I am content with having two children and being 28. Virgo is content where she is (except for her DH being overseas). These "easier", "better" conversations are so hard because I can't imagine life differently.

It would be easier if DH did not have cancer and we weren't so young and we didn't have two children but we do. I would not take any of those compontents away because it made me who I am today and I like who I am. I am going to stop now since I sound like Sally Field.

Sorry for talking about you Virgo.

Kristi

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 5:41pm
Ah ha. . .but see, some parents feel as though it is in their child's best interest for them to experience some 'easy' parts of life WHILE in the home of origin.

I had a job while in high school. . .a real job. . .I worked 30-35 hours per week at it. I was responsible for my own finances, to a degree, while in high school. My parent's didn't buy me a car as a gift, but bought it and I paid them back. . .learning about finance charges, interest, liens, etc. in the process.

My dh had lived overseas with his parents for 5 years when I met him. . .he had done some traveling.

What I'm saying is that *I* know my child. . .I know I've informed her about potential difficulties of lots of lifes choices. . .at some point *I* have to trust that she'll make good decisions because I've taught her along the way HOW to make good decisions.

Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 5:44pm
You know. . .as I was walking to Stats class this afternoon I was thinking about the whole 'easier' thread and you. . .

Life might have been 'easier' if you and your dh hadn't had kids. . .but what might you have missed in the process.

Hate to sound like an old country song, but it reminds me of the Garth Brooks song "The Dance"

**I might have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance.**

Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 5:47pm
But if it's about what he FEELS. . .then it wouldn't matter when he had taken on the responsibility. . .it's the RESPONSIBILTY he resents (according to your theory). . .he could have married at 33 and felt the same way at 43.

Avatar for karenester
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 5:49pm
Virgo, the more I read your posts, the more I think I may know your dh. I know it is a huge longshot, but given where you are from and some of the details you posted, it seems such a coincidence. Do the initials MM mean anything? (I have a former high school boyfriend who traveled five years overseas with his parents before getting married at 18 and enlisting rather than college because his older girlfriend got pregnant and now he is still in the military and in Iraq while she is home with (rumor has it) three kids. The Arkansas connection also ties in. So, I know it is a long shot, but at least you will know that if he isn't the person I know, then ya'll aren't alone in the circumstances of your life.)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 5:52pm
What exactly would the 18+ "child" (now a legal adult) say in court? They have no claim to their parents' money. Their parents just refused to give themn any money unless they complied with certain (quite possibly unreasonable) things. The child has the right to say "keep your money. I'm doing it anyway". But they don't have the right to say "I'm doing it anyway AND you have to givve me the money".

What this all comes down to is that the parents don't have to give a penny to any child over 18. If they do, it's only because they WANT to. And they are perfectly free to say at anytime "I won't give you any money because I don't WANT to give you money if you do X". Since the child has no claim to the parents' money, and it is pure whim if they get it or not, there is no case.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 5:59pm
Yeah, I think about it all the time. Someone asked if they should pray for healing and I was dumbstruck. I didn't know what to say. I can't fathom DH not having cancer because he has for the last 7 years. It truly has made us the people we are today. I would love for him to be in remission but I would hate to lose the lessons the cancer gave us. We have learned so much-that you can survive the worst, that the world is very loving, that life is precious and children truly are God's gifts to us.

Sorry to be so mushy.

Kristi

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 6:04pm
Um, no, I have no idea what you mean. You and I obviously think on 2 different planes.

But hey, why not, I'm adventurous, send an inexperienced 23 year old over to my house, I'm game. Just tell him to ask for Mrs. Robinson.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 6:14pm
ROTFLOL! n/t
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 6:31pm
What constituion have you been reading? How is getting a piercing a constitutional right?



Extoration: the act or practice of extorting especially money or other property; especially: the offense committed by an official engaging in such practice.

Exort: to obtain from a person by force, intimidation, or undue or illegal power : WRING; also : to gain especially by ingenuity or compelling argument.

How is someone deciding how to spend their own money extortion? No one is forcing someone else to do anything. They are just deciding what they will do. Now if a child were to force their parent to pay for their college then that would be extortion but a parent deciding what to do with their money is not. If the money is not the child's to begin with then how can not giving it to them be stealing.







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