Would you have had kids if you couldn't

Avatar for cindytree
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Would you have had kids if you couldn't
1589
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 3:31pm
Would you still have had children if you knew you might not be able to pay for their college education? I'm not talking about providing food and shelter and needs of minor children and paying bills in general. Just about paying their way through college.

I guess I'm still astounded at the attitude that surfaced at another thread implying that if they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have had children. Of course, I'm a lazy, selfish mom at home who isn't working while some of my kids are in school so maybe my opinion doesn't count. Maybe I SHOULD take up scrapbooking to make my existence more worthwhile! lol

In any case, it is an interesting question considering that, under that reasoning, Oprah Winfrey shouldn't have been born. Give me time and I can come up with a whole list of highly successful and respected people who have impacted us in positive ways that wouldn't have been born had their parents decided that because they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have children.

How has the college issue influenced your decision to have children, if at all? Do you think it is an important criteria in the decision?

Cindy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 6:35pm
So what exactly would the parent be exorting from the child. The money is not the child's to begin with, how can it be extortion for someone to keep their own money.
Avatar for akpennington
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 6:55pm
Not Virgo, but...

1. How long have you been married?

A bit over six years

2. Would you advise your children to get married at 18, or will you advise them that it's best to wait awhile longer?

I wouldn't advise mine to get married at any particular time.

3. Would it disappoint you if your children married at 18 rather than pursued their educations?

No.

Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 7:03pm
The initials don't mean anything to me. . .they aren't my husband's. . .and the only girlfriend that *I* am aware of had a first initial of V.

My husband attended highschool in Alamogordo, NM. I was a college student from Arkansas who was studying in Enid, OK (which is my tie in with savcal). I spent a summer in Carlsbad, NM in 1989 working as the summer youth minister at my dh's grandmother's church. We met and fell very much in love. . .we 'listened' to others and stopped seeing each other when I returned to college. He fell into a depression during his junior year of high school. We reconnected in the spring and he says 'his heart was awoken'. He continued to fight with his parents who were both VERY strict and left home at 17. Rather than see him on the streets I said he could come see me at school thinking he'd calm down and go home. . .he never did.

We left Enid and returned to my home in central Arkansas. He enlisted in the reserves in the fall of 1990.

Avatar for akpennington
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 7:04pm
Well, everybody's different. I'm sure I was different at that age then you.

If my very immature 18 year old announced to me that they were getting married, I'd be worried. But if my very mature 18 year old did the same, I'd not be worried.

I realize that my experience isn't typical and that it's possible that I got married the youngest of anyone here, my life was very different at that age. Our ages weren't an issue. They still aren't.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 7:04pm
Huh? No one ever said they couldn't do what they wanted with their bodies.
Avatar for akpennington
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 7:05pm
So, he must be a bigot? Unfit to raise children? Bad parent? And you let him around them? I'm shocked!
Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 7:06pm
Mush away. . .mush away. . . I became pregnant just before my dh was sent to Bosnia on a six month tour. While he was away he wrote a letter to our unborn child. In it he said he'd made many mistakes in his life. . that he wasn't perfect, but the only way he'd do any of it over again would be if it could be with me.

Ironically, we lost that baby. . .but I still have the letter. We treasure it.

Avatar for akpennington
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 7:06pm
Either way is still a violation of my rights.
Avatar for akpennington
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 7:09pm
I was on BCPs *and* nursing my infant when I got pregnant with #2.
Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 7:13pm
The other thought that comes to my mind is that there are LOTS of life choices that are may make life 'harder' than others.

A career in law enforcement has been linked to failed marriages.

Military marriages have a high rate of failure.

Firefighters' families don't have 'easy' lives.

Doctors' families don't have easy lives.

Medical school and law school aren't 'easy'.

All of these choices may entail difficult aspects of life and sacrifice but they are still valid choices.

THAT is what I want my kids to understand. . .that marrying early may entail sacrifices and difficulties. . .but it can be (for the right people) a valid choice. . .just like becoming a doctor.

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