Would you have had kids if you couldn't

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Would you have had kids if you couldn't
1589
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 3:31pm
Would you still have had children if you knew you might not be able to pay for their college education? I'm not talking about providing food and shelter and needs of minor children and paying bills in general. Just about paying their way through college.

I guess I'm still astounded at the attitude that surfaced at another thread implying that if they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have had children. Of course, I'm a lazy, selfish mom at home who isn't working while some of my kids are in school so maybe my opinion doesn't count. Maybe I SHOULD take up scrapbooking to make my existence more worthwhile! lol

In any case, it is an interesting question considering that, under that reasoning, Oprah Winfrey shouldn't have been born. Give me time and I can come up with a whole list of highly successful and respected people who have impacted us in positive ways that wouldn't have been born had their parents decided that because they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have children.

How has the college issue influenced your decision to have children, if at all? Do you think it is an important criteria in the decision?

Cindy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 10:08am
you have mail

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 10:10am
I do have anger. I am trying my best every day to put it in to perspective. But being injured, (falling down the stairs in late Feb03) Not being able to work to rectify my situation. Sorta does cause some anger. But I am not angry at you. I just disagree with saying I am going to pay for college, BUT.

That's my issue and I stated that was my issue, not yours.. So why you jumpin on me?

I explained why I didn't like that pov. But it's still MY POV. You have YOUR pov, you can tell me what it is til your blue in the face. It's really not going to change how I see it. Nor is it going to help to diluge these good posters in a diatab that goes in a circle.

We can agree to disagree. It is oki.

TwinsMom

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 10:12am
my kids will know from the very start what my conditions are on either them living with me, or getting any financial assistance from me. As it is, I have already begun stressing to my children their need to take responsibility for their goals and dreams in life. If those goals and dreams include college, they will have to have a plan to get there. I will not pay for 100% of it all. I will probably not pay a big portion of it. But it would depend on the circumstances and the kid.

But regardless of all that, if I choose to pay for any or all of their school and/or living expenses I have EVERY right to revoke those things at any time upon my choosing. My kids will know the rules up front. They will know them VERY well. Then it becomes their own decisions.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 10:17am
So, you feel there is no reason for a parent to remove any form of financial assistance from a college-age child? You cannot see any reason for a parent to cease their contributions to their childs college education?

Here are a few I can think of now:

1 - the child is not holding their grades together. They are either flunking classes or not passing in a manner that gives them credit towards their major.

2 - the child is not taking responsibility for their portion of providing their college education. Either they have lost a scholarship due to grades or other things, they have quit a job because they didn't "like it", or they are too busy partying to make it to their morning classes

3 - the child has begun using illegal drugs

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 11:15am
Why is that? Esp. coming from someone who does not believe in premarital sex, why would it be easier to wait longer?

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 3:08pm
Oh yeah I know about that cycle, have never personally experinced it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 3:16pm
Well sometimes when you get married before you're grown and mature, that when you finally do mature, that you may not have married who and when you did.

Also, it's a lot harder to go to college when you're married with kids than when you are a single teenager.

Are you going to college now? Have you gotten a better job than you could have when you were first married?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 3:29pm
"We reconnected in the spring and he says 'his heart was awoken'. He continued to fight with his parents who were both VERY strict and left home at 17. Rather than see him on the streets I said he could come see me at school thinking he'd calm down and go home. . .he never did."

That's all a very touching story BUT, if he was living with you when he was a 17 year old boy (and I do mean BOY, not man)and you "reconnected", and you were 20, you do realize you could have been charged with statutory rape, don't you?

You're lucky his parents didn't bring charges.




Edited 9/10/2003 3:30:08 PM ET by islimshady

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 3:42pm
>>>Well sometimes when you get married before you're grown and mature, that when you finally do mature, that you may not have married who and when you did.<<<

This is just something I do not get. Yes, I know some 18 year olds who I would say should definently not get married. But I also know many 30 year olds who I would say should not get married! We are all constantly maturing, no matter how old we are. We are all constantly changing. Marriage is about being committed to whom you marry, regardless of the "changes" (assuming we aren't talking illegal, abusive or adulterous). One can (and should) be committed to their marriage at 18, 38, or 68!

>>>Also, it's a lot harder to go to college when you're married with kids than when you are a single teenager. Are you going to college now? Have you gotten a better job than you could have when you were first married?<<<

No, I am not attending college now. I am, however, currently enrolling for the spring semester.

Yes, I have gotten better jobs since I got married. I got my insurance license while married, with children, and while I had a bedridden husband. And I have spent the last several years at home with my husband and children. It is all possible, and not necessarily harder. Just different.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 3:44pm
In most states the legal age of consent is 16 years old.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

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