Would you have had kids if you couldn't

Avatar for cindytree
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Would you have had kids if you couldn't
1589
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 3:31pm
Would you still have had children if you knew you might not be able to pay for their college education? I'm not talking about providing food and shelter and needs of minor children and paying bills in general. Just about paying their way through college.

I guess I'm still astounded at the attitude that surfaced at another thread implying that if they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have had children. Of course, I'm a lazy, selfish mom at home who isn't working while some of my kids are in school so maybe my opinion doesn't count. Maybe I SHOULD take up scrapbooking to make my existence more worthwhile! lol

In any case, it is an interesting question considering that, under that reasoning, Oprah Winfrey shouldn't have been born. Give me time and I can come up with a whole list of highly successful and respected people who have impacted us in positive ways that wouldn't have been born had their parents decided that because they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have children.

How has the college issue influenced your decision to have children, if at all? Do you think it is an important criteria in the decision?

Cindy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 7:39pm
Putting conditions on your money that you promised to help for college isn't right.

How does it make it right? Teaching your child that you don't accept him/her for who they have become? You taught them.

TwinsMom

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 7:58pm
Oki, see this is where your not understanding or even seeing my pov.

IF this said college student is not fullfilling their end, that's their problem.. It is THEIR MONEY.. Understand?? It's NOT MINE. I am NOT paying for college. FOR those reasons.

If they REALLY want college, they will make that effort to follow everything they NEED to in order to survive..

Do you even know what it is to struggle?? Struggling causes 2 reactions. A. You SUCCEED

B. You fail.

That's it.. There isn't any other choices. I want to teach my child to STRIVE for what they want. I can't teach that if I give them everything under the sun INCLUDING College..

College is the first of LIFE'S lessons.. I love my children enough, that I am willing to watch them fall down.

I will be there when they do, to pick them up, encourage them to RUN FASTER< RUN HARDER.

How the Heck do you expect a child to survive if he doesn't have the SKILL to begin with?

I am NOT paying for college.

Period

End of story

TwinsMom

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 8:00pm
but what if you haven't promised it to them? What if it was known, from the very beginning, that there were conditions?

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 8:04pm
That's all well and good for you.. I hope you taught them to strive for their dreams.

I am not paying for college. It's not that I DON'T want to help. But there is a fine line btw free ride, and teaching them one of life's most valuable lessons.

Mom and Dad isn't always going to be there. College years are those critical times they will learn about. I will encourage, and Advise and help with the groceries. I will help them come up with a GAME PLAN for college. Show them the resourses, And Show them the opportunities that await them for college. THEN I will Encourage them to "fly".. Just like a mother goose.

That's MY JOB. See? It's not my job to protect them once they start flying. I make sure I guide them so they KNOW where Home is, THEY KNOW where to go to find the information they need to know, THEY have the tools to survive.

My parents didn't do that with me. Well by god I am going to teach MINE.

TwinsMom

Avatar for akpennington
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 8:19pm
If college is the first life lesson for your kids, they're screwed. Life should've handed them lessons long before.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 8:21pm
I still can't see putting conditions on it. Either you pay or you don't. Why put this noose around their neck as a condition of going to school? How is that "STRESS" suppose to teach your child not to strive? I don't understand. Bribery never works. It backfires more often then not. And setting precedence encourages conditions on lifes lessons.

Is you saying well you do this, and you get the cash.. Oki fine, now he/she learns that if I do this with everyone else I get cash.. Um that's not true. SO why teach them that? They are YOUNG ADULTS? You ever thought about teaching them to be young adults? Talking to them rationally? Rather then Hold this "money" over their head like they are 3 yo??? WHAT life lesson taught YOU that, that was right? Or even a life lesson???

Practical, Applied Science. It's basic fundamental science. I do NOT believe in treating my children like a MAMMAL, which most can be taught to feed by the ringing of a bell.

I would rather have my child APPLY the TOOLS I gave him/her to survive.

Sorta like you give a man a fish, (not that it's wrong) and he can eat for a day.

You TEACH them to fish, you can feed them for a life time.

Neither one is wrong. They are both right, however, my approach is much more result oriented in the long run.

TwinsMom

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 8:25pm
Twisting what I said isn't going to change my pov.

By Firsts I mean living away from your Control woman. Don't make it sound like I didn't teach my kids.

TwinsMom

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 8:29pm
So, if I have $50K saved for my kids' education .. and they decide to go deal drugs and live in a crack shack, i should still give them the money?

AFter all .. its MY money; not theirs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 8:39pm
Don't be rediculous. One of the OBVIOUSLY IMPLIED is "college" money.. Duh..

Don't make it or read into more then what I said!!!!

TwinsMom

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 8:41pm
hey .. its a debate .. we thrive on taking things farther than originally intended ... lol

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