Would you have had kids if you couldn't

Avatar for cindytree
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Would you have had kids if you couldn't
1589
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 3:31pm
Would you still have had children if you knew you might not be able to pay for their college education? I'm not talking about providing food and shelter and needs of minor children and paying bills in general. Just about paying their way through college.

I guess I'm still astounded at the attitude that surfaced at another thread implying that if they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have had children. Of course, I'm a lazy, selfish mom at home who isn't working while some of my kids are in school so maybe my opinion doesn't count. Maybe I SHOULD take up scrapbooking to make my existence more worthwhile! lol

In any case, it is an interesting question considering that, under that reasoning, Oprah Winfrey shouldn't have been born. Give me time and I can come up with a whole list of highly successful and respected people who have impacted us in positive ways that wouldn't have been born had their parents decided that because they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have children.

How has the college issue influenced your decision to have children, if at all? Do you think it is an important criteria in the decision?

Cindy

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 8:54pm
LOL aint that the truth!!

(((Huggles)))

TwinsMom

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 9:18pm
As I have stated I have never put any conditions on my kids college money. I also have never promised them that I would pay for college. But you are right if I did promise my child a college education with no strings attached to later add strings would be wrong.

One of the reasons that my DD1 is attending the college that she is is because of her best friend in high school. All throughout high school the friends father talked about when he DD would attend the school. He said that he would not only pay for it but for an apartment so she did not have live in the dorm. In Sept of her senior year of high school at dinner Tuesday night he announced that he was filing for divorce, and would be moving to an apartment on Thursday. When it came time for her to go to college, not one red cent came from him. I totally lost all respect for that man for the way he has treated his DD.

Avatar for akpennington
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 9:29pm
Are you for real?

"I still can't see putting conditions on it. Either you pay or you don't."

Then don't. It's perfectly reasonable to put conditions on a huge chunk of money.

"Why put this noose around their neck as a condition of going to school?"

Don't you think you're being a little dramatic? Telling your child that they don't have to worry about the financial aspect of their education, so long as they a, b, or c isn't putting a noose on them. It's telling them what's expected of them. If they don't like the conditions, they don't have to accept the $$. How is it any different than a paycheck or scholarship?

"How is that "STRESS" suppose to teach your child not to strive? I don't understand. Bribery never works. It backfires more often then not. And setting precedence encourages conditions on lifes lessons."

Again, how is it any more stressful than the conditions placed on a paycheck or the conditions placed on a scholarship? Is a paycheck bribery? Is a scholarship bribery? Even student loans have conditions.

"Is you saying well you do this, and you get the cash.. Oki fine, now he/she learns that if I do this with everyone else I get cash.. Um that's not true. SO why teach them that?"

What are they? Four?

"They are YOUNG ADULTS? You ever thought about teaching them to be young adults? Talking to them rationally? Rather then Hold this "money" over their head like they are 3 yo??? WHAT life lesson taught YOU that, that was right? Or even a life lesson???"

How can YOU talk to your kids rationally when you can't even debate rationally?

"Practical, Applied Science. It's basic fundamental science. I do NOT believe in treating my children like a MAMMAL, which most can be taught to feed by the ringing of a bell."

Your kids are mammals, for starters. Second, how do you expect your kids to attend college if it's wrong to put conditions on money? (by the way, most schools have conditions for even being admitted)

"I would rather have my child APPLY the TOOLS I gave him/her to survive."

What tools would those be? How is getting a college education not applying tools?

"Sorta like you give a man a fish, (not that it's wrong) and he can eat for a day.

You TEACH them to fish, you can feed them for a life time."

What does that have to do with anything?

"Neither one is wrong. They are both right, however, my approach is much more result oriented in the long run."

No, it's not. And how would you know anyway? Have you put this theory to the test yet?

What IS your approach? You seem to have a problem with conditions on money. Scholarships have conditions. Grants have conditions. Paychecks have conditions. And sometimes, parents, acting well within their rights as parents, put conditions on their money. How is it you expect your kids to even be able to attend college if conditional $$ is bad?


Personally, my kids will get a certain amount of $$ once they hit college age. There are no conditions on that money once they get it. (though, of course there are conditions on recieving it... if they're in prison or addicted to narcotics there's really no point. Ya know?) But they also have college specific money (with conditions) waiting for them from others in the family. They will know they are free to accept or decline those conditions. It's their choice.

Avatar for akpennington
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 9:30pm
LMAO. You made it sound like that, not me. There's no need to twist something that was already twisted.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 9:36pm
exactly!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 9:42pm
Excellent explanation!! its not extortion, bribery, back stabbing, manipulating, and all the other "labels" assigned to how we made our point to our dd, its CHOICES, and consequences.

i stated in an earlier post, which went completely ignored, she may not have a tongue ring, but she is in SPAIN right now for a semester, and LOVING IT. i think its all about teaching priorities, and from the upbringing she's had, i'd say we did a damn good job!! LOL wouldnt you???

thanks ok!!

we agree on this one all the way!

beth

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 9:50pm
you are so far off base its rediculous. you have read waaaaaaay too much into this. we did not have to give our kids a darned thing after they turned 18, and if you think there are going to be "no strings attached" when im offering money i could be using for myself, you, well, you just dont get it(to be polite).



<<>> huh???where did all that come from???

<<>> who said it should "just be given"??? thats ludicrous. i dont have to give my kids another damn dime. if i dont like the tongue ring, and express it, and she wants to throw it in my face, she is 18 and can do whatever she wants, well guess what, im 46 and can do whatever i want too. PERIOD. nothing more, nothing less.

this post indicates there is a lot more to your "opinion" than meets the page.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 9:57pm
well, guess what. the money was never promised unconditionally. the money was promised on the basis they were responsible, and because we were told, "well, im 18 and i can do whatever i want", to me that was a challenge, and im always up for a challenge. you may think a tongue ring is a small issue, and we're just nuts, but we are totally against it, and if she could pay for something that frivalous, with disregard to the money it cost, and the fact that if something went wrong with the tongue itself, *our* insurance would be hit, then she could be 18 and do whatever she wants... without our financial *gifts*. that is not something i felt was important enough to go along with.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 9:59pm
AMEN, SISTAHHHH!!! and our kids were very aware as well. we are not paying for ds1's college this semester, because we are tired for paying for failed and withdrawn classes. when he passes, we will kick the finances back into gear, but until we see hes serious, we're not just throwing our hard earned money at him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 10:06pm
<<<>>>>

there it is in black and white straight from your post.

Pages