Would you have had kids if you couldn't

Avatar for cindytree
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Would you have had kids if you couldn't
1589
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 3:31pm
Would you still have had children if you knew you might not be able to pay for their college education? I'm not talking about providing food and shelter and needs of minor children and paying bills in general. Just about paying their way through college.

I guess I'm still astounded at the attitude that surfaced at another thread implying that if they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have had children. Of course, I'm a lazy, selfish mom at home who isn't working while some of my kids are in school so maybe my opinion doesn't count. Maybe I SHOULD take up scrapbooking to make my existence more worthwhile! lol

In any case, it is an interesting question considering that, under that reasoning, Oprah Winfrey shouldn't have been born. Give me time and I can come up with a whole list of highly successful and respected people who have impacted us in positive ways that wouldn't have been born had their parents decided that because they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have children.

How has the college issue influenced your decision to have children, if at all? Do you think it is an important criteria in the decision?

Cindy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 10:09pm
except you said, college money should be given without strings, and there are lots of kids enrolled and attending college, or at least living at college, who are there to do nothing but party. any given money has strings, and its something you cant deny.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 10:32pm
Yeah I guess there is alot more to my pov then just meets this page. I am not "experienced" at debate. It never interested me in H.S. or college. Nor was/am I any good at expressing myself. I guess it shows.

The reguard of money for custody with my parents. BEFORE we had EVER started into the proceedings. My parents made a promise to pay for custody. *ok, well I took it at face value* Wouldn't you? They stated they would. They didn't put any conditions on it.. I didn't know what else to expect.

Once the custody battle ensued, once it got to the Psychologist investigating me, them, my brother, my sil, you name it, they did it. My parents suddenly didn't want to pay for it anymore, didn't want to be involved, and refused to pay my lawyer for a couple of months. Was it rational? I dunno, they wouldn't tell me why. You tell me if you wouldn't be scared sh*tless to have a 27,000 dollar bill from a lawyer??? You had no way of paying for it, and had set up a means to cover it months in advance that suddenly fall through. Well, after a year of fighting my ex they did pay it. I dont owe anything to the lawyer.. But I owe my parents more then a debt of graditude for their help. It will be along time before I can pay them fully.

When I started to work at Charter, my first check, I paid what little bills I have, and tried to give the rest to my dad. He refused it. I tried to give it to my mom, she refused it. But then turn around and yell at me for loosing my job when I fell down the stairs. I had no control over being injured. I didn't have any idea that I was going to be hurt, as if I could have avoided it.

These reasons go right in with "conditional" money.. I said it best earlier I think when I said, If you originally put "restrictions" on it. Fine. But if you promise it with no strings continuously, and then SUDDENLY change it, and put it on.. NO Loan even does that.

No bank, no car, no HOME loan SUDDENLY changes conditions of loaned money.. So why should You??

TwinsMom

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 10:38pm
Are you saying that it's a bad thing? I am missing the point of this post.

TwinsMom

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 10:42pm
Strings fine.. But it's always listed in a contract what those requirements are.

For instance, if you had Known before hand she would want a tattoo or piercing, then that should have been stated LONG before the issue came up..

Loans don't change their conditions suddenly. You have atleast a 30 day notice, and even then, they can't change YOUR loan. Any future loans they add that change to the contract.

That I think makes my point more so.

TwinsMom

Avatar for akpennington
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 11:08pm
But you're debating something totally different than what anyone here is talking about.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Thu, 09-11-2003 - 8:51am
But what she is saying is her point what she wants to contribute to the debate. There is no rule that you cannot bring what you want to this table. i understand what she is implying, her view. Sometimes your not going to understand and have to think about it or discuss it more to understand.

Does your pov say that to be understood one has tro be right and if they disagree with you and dont follow you train of thought they are wrong?

Or can other pov be right in your world?






Edited 9/11/2003 10:56:44 AM ET by silverunity

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Thu, 09-11-2003 - 10:15am
OK. You don't mind if your children have to struggle unnecessarily, I do. We can leave it at that and call it a day.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Thu, 09-11-2003 - 10:21am
When it is MY kids, and MY family then it is most certainly MY place to condone it. Maybe if more parents thought it was "their place" to condone or not condone, there would be fewer teenage pregnancies/marriages.

I have no problem with letting my children know that I don't condone 17 year old boys running away from home to live with older women.

Not only don't I recommend it, I don't condone it, and you're telling me it isn't my place to do so doesn't change that.


Edited 9/11/2003 10:23:32 AM ET by islimshady

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Thu, 09-11-2003 - 10:29am
You're right, so you were a high school dropout, who got married/pregnant at 17(?), and who thinks that's a great example 'cause it all worked out just peachy.

Well okay then.

Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 09-11-2003 - 10:44am
If you think that either of our parents 'condoned' the situation, you are mistaken. . .and your righteous indignation doesn't impress me anymore than it will impress your children.

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