Would you have had kids if you couldn't
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| Wed, 09-03-2003 - 3:31pm |
I guess I'm still astounded at the attitude that surfaced at another thread implying that if they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have had children. Of course, I'm a lazy, selfish mom at home who isn't working while some of my kids are in school so maybe my opinion doesn't count. Maybe I SHOULD take up scrapbooking to make my existence more worthwhile! lol
In any case, it is an interesting question considering that, under that reasoning, Oprah Winfrey shouldn't have been born. Give me time and I can come up with a whole list of highly successful and respected people who have impacted us in positive ways that wouldn't have been born had their parents decided that because they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have children.
How has the college issue influenced your decision to have children, if at all? Do you think it is an important criteria in the decision?
Cindy

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Well yeah, *IF* you agree with this statement. I don't. I like the way my life is. I wouldn't change anything. If my kids can be as happy as I am in their lives, then I don't care if they don't go to college first or wait until they were 25 to get married.
April
I probably would have married in my early 20's (22-24) regardless of the pregnancy. Their mother, both grandmothers, and all of their great grandmothers were married between 18 and 22. . .I'm not going to tell my kids that doing so is WRONG.
I would rather tell them that there are consequences (sometimes dire consequences) to all of our decisions and actions. Their father and I chose to have premarital sex. . .the consequence to that was that I became pregnant and our marriage was moved up substiantially.
I use my mistakes to teach my children. But the only place we disagree here is that my marriage and my children were not mistakes. We got married for many of the same reasons most people get married. Also, I have and am going to college. Despite a relatively long break (mostly for health reasons - mine), I've been active and very successful education wise. Also not a mistake.
"I'm only saying that instead of having the attitude that "hey, I did it and it didn't turn out so bad" maybe people should learn from their mistakes and try to teach their children not to make those same mistakes."
Again, I don't have that attitude with regard to my mistakes. My family is not a mistake. My family is no different than anyone else's. My life is wonderful and not in any way even sort of bad. That doesn't mean I'll tell my kids to run and and get married. Or to wait until they're 40. It means I hope to teach them to marry when the time is right for them.
"I just can't comprehend the attitude that people won't try to lead or show their children that there are better ways to do things."
?? Better than what? Isn't there *always* a better way?
"This "as long as their happy" baloney doesn't fly with me. Seems like the easy way out."
Nope. It's not that at all. It means that I won't be dissapointed if my children grow up, live their lives, take care of themselves and any family they may choose to have, and are happy. The easy way out of what exactly? It's not my job to make their adult decisions. All I can hope for is that I've taught them well. And I am.
"Isn't that what we parents are here for? To offer our experiences, advice and counsel? It appears that some feel that they shouldn't bother."
I don't understand where you get that. I offer my experience and advice daily. Because I don't believe that if they get married before they're in they're in their ___s, that their lives are over? Because I don't see making decisions for themselves and accepting the responsibility for their choices as bad? They're going to do things that unnerve me. But I come at this from a totally different perspective than you. Them getting married before they're degreed is the LEAST of the things that keep me up at night. If that's the worst thing you can imagine for your children, okay. I can understand that. But it's not mine. And that doesn't mean that I don't care about my children.
"My children, like yours, will make their own decisions too, but unlike yours, I hope those decisions have plenty to do with me and my input and guidance over the years."
I only meant that they'll make decisions for their own reasons. I trust that when my children are adults, they'll make the best choices for themselves. I'm sure things they learn from us and things they watched with us will play a part in their adult lives. But I'm confident that they'll know better than I what they need in their lives.
Our marriage and family is a good example all by itself. And it has nothing to do with anyone's ages. You know, my parents married at "normal" ages. They were officially divorced about a month or so after my wedding, after more than two decades of marriage. The things I learned from their marriage had nothing to do with their ages and everything to do with their relationship.
Same for us
"Our children weren't. We didn't get married because of a pregnancy"
Same for us
"Our marriage and family is a good example all by itself. And it has nothing to do with anyone's ages."
Same for us. We married very young.
We have a great relationship!
S.V.
Edited 9/12/2003 10:59:50 AM ET by silverunity
--This "as long as their happy" baloney doesn't fly with me. Seems like the easy way out.--
Perhaps some parent's dont think marrying young, wed or unwed was a mistake or wrong or have to justify their decision's to their children. Perhaps they did not want to go to college or wait to get married. This "as long as their happy" baloney doesn't fly with me. Seems like the easy way out.
Perhaps they were ready to start a family.
Perhaps they are really happy.
Edited 9/12/2003 11:01:24 AM ET by silverunity
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