Would you have had kids if you couldn't

Avatar for cindytree
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Would you have had kids if you couldn't
1589
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 3:31pm
Would you still have had children if you knew you might not be able to pay for their college education? I'm not talking about providing food and shelter and needs of minor children and paying bills in general. Just about paying their way through college.

I guess I'm still astounded at the attitude that surfaced at another thread implying that if they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have had children. Of course, I'm a lazy, selfish mom at home who isn't working while some of my kids are in school so maybe my opinion doesn't count. Maybe I SHOULD take up scrapbooking to make my existence more worthwhile! lol

In any case, it is an interesting question considering that, under that reasoning, Oprah Winfrey shouldn't have been born. Give me time and I can come up with a whole list of highly successful and respected people who have impacted us in positive ways that wouldn't have been born had their parents decided that because they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have children.

How has the college issue influenced your decision to have children, if at all? Do you think it is an important criteria in the decision?

Cindy

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 10:56am
But you are implying that she made a mistake getting married and having children and if she would have waited and gone to college ect her life would be better~
Avatar for homesicktxn
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2003
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 12:10pm
>>>>I'm only saying that instead of having the attitude that "hey, I did it and it didn't turn out so bad" maybe people should learn from their mistakes and try to teach their children not to make those same mistakes. I just can't comprehend the attitude that people won't try to lead or show their children that there are better ways to do things.<<<

What makes your way universally better. It is not my opinion that education alone can solve all the problems of the world. So what if they don't have a lot of money. BIG WHOPPING DEAL! Money is necessary, but not necessary to be happy. Also.... I turned out great.

>>>>This "as long as their happy" baloney doesn't fly with me. Seems like the easy way out.<<<<

Let me tell you what doesn't fly with me. I do not agree that the ONLY way my children will be happy is to have a college education. That is a load of horse crap if I've ever heard one. Does anyone REALLY take the easy way out? Does such a thing exsist?


>>>>>Isn't that what we parents are here for? To offer our experiences, advice and counsel? It appears that some feel that they shouldn't bother.<<<<

So what, now that we have decided that your way may not be best for some members of our families, we will be withholding all guidance and advice. Yeah, that is a reasonable thought. Giving someone advice, at least the last I knew, also included being able to accept that the recipient may NOT take it.

>>>>>>>My children, like yours, will make their own decisions too, but unlike yours, I hope those decisions have plenty to do with me and my input and guidance over the years.<<<<<<<

I am not niave enough to think that my children will be good little mini mes and do as I say when they are adults. How arrogant is it of you to actually say that because we will not discourage our children from marrying young that we won't be guiding them, or have any input into their lives? Quite. I do respect that you have a problem with marrying young and that you will discourage your children from it. I do not understand what makes you think that your way is the only way, and everyone else's kids will be poor pathetic, resentful people for lack of guidance and input. That assumption is ludicrous.

April







iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 3:52pm
"Let me tell you what doesn't fly with me. I do not agree that the ONLY way my children will be happy is to have a college education. That is a load of horse crap if I've ever heard one"

I didn't say that the only way my kids will be happy is to have a college education. I think it takes a little more than that.

What I am saying, if you could possible comprehend it, is that I don't think getting pregnant and or marrying at 17 or 18, forgoing college and struggling to make a go of it as teen parents is a recipe for success.

If that doesn't seem to be an impediment to you, I can't help it. I believe you were the one who said you wouldn't mind if your kids married young - as long as they were happy. Like they even know at that young age.

We disagree, 'nuf said.

Avatar for homesicktxn
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2003
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 4:39pm
Okey dokey.

April

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 4:56pm
LOL` nuff said? So your saying your kids cant know what may make then happy at the age of 17-18 they cant make enough money over time thru work experience by the time 25 rolls around that they cant be making 30-50 grand a year and living a satisfying yet exciting life>? Did you not say you will shun your child from the FACT you will force college on them that they have no other choice? Did you not say your children know that 30,000 a year will not give your child a nice car and they know that? What is so wrong with a child getting pregnant at a young age and starting a family and not going to college? If a couple is responsible enough to make their home and family unit work they need no "papers" to make success. they already are!




Edited 9/12/2003 10:12:22 PM ET by silverunity

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 5:04pm
whether one understands her posts or not, why bother to post in response to another post if it has nothing to do with the post??? why dont we all make just rampant, random statements.....yoyyyyy
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 6:28pm
Why make a child go to college it should be up to the child. I never went to college and I turned out fine.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 6:40pm
Exactly. It's like the heat I take here regularly because John's not in college fulltime and is working fulltime. It's like because he didn't do it the way most folks do, my ex and I just didn't even bother to talk to him about the special difficulties involved in taking the longer route. of COURSE we did, but he still chose not to go that way, and HAVING chose that way AND us having discussed the decision with him at length, is WHY we can be proud of him instead of disappointed. We know he's thought the situation through. We know he's cool with marching to a different drummer because that's what is working for HIM.

And, ultimately, it's HIS life; he should be allowed to live it.

I think you have a wonderful perspective and I have no doubts that your children will be just fine, whether they marry early or not; because they've had a wonderful foundation given them by you.

Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 9:47pm
If I give my three HALF the foundation you've given John. . .I'll be able to call myself a success as a mother. . .

And as passionate about my work as I am. . .I still want nothing more than to be a good mother and wife.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 10:09pm
I dont know maybe she thought she had someting to contribute, you disagree.

Pages