Would you have had kids if you couldn't

Avatar for cindytree
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Would you have had kids if you couldn't
1589
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 3:31pm
Would you still have had children if you knew you might not be able to pay for their college education? I'm not talking about providing food and shelter and needs of minor children and paying bills in general. Just about paying their way through college.

I guess I'm still astounded at the attitude that surfaced at another thread implying that if they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have had children. Of course, I'm a lazy, selfish mom at home who isn't working while some of my kids are in school so maybe my opinion doesn't count. Maybe I SHOULD take up scrapbooking to make my existence more worthwhile! lol

In any case, it is an interesting question considering that, under that reasoning, Oprah Winfrey shouldn't have been born. Give me time and I can come up with a whole list of highly successful and respected people who have impacted us in positive ways that wouldn't have been born had their parents decided that because they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have children.

How has the college issue influenced your decision to have children, if at all? Do you think it is an important criteria in the decision?

Cindy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 11:12am
The one thing I hear the most when I go out to dinner with my family in the midlle of a rest.and all eyes are on us is "How self suffificnet my children are. I dont doubt one of my children may marry young and start a family happily healthy and self sufficent without a college education and I will be THRILLED for him/her and will be a part of all of it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 11:30am
funny, I knew what would make me happy at 18, when I married, and at 19 when I had my first child, and at 21, when I had my second child. You know what? 8 years later I am still married, and *GASP* HAPPY about my life.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 11:33am
>>>Don't know about you but I'd prefer mine take some time to grow up and become self sufficient first. I come from a poor background where getting pg young was the norm and I can tell you first hand it's no way to lead your life.<<<

I don't believe anyone was advocating there being nothing wrong with MINORS having children young. I believe the person was throwing the question out there of what's wrong with ADULT children having children young. Meaning 18-22 years old.

In that case, I had both of my children young, one at 19 and one at 21. I was married at 18. It has CERTAINLY been a GREAT way to lead my life.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 12:10pm
And you would advocate that for your children? See, the difference is, most of us dont really see 18 as an *adult*. Legally, in some cases, yes. But emotionally? Absolutely not.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 12:16pm
Again, it depends on the person as to how emotionally mature they are. Most of my friends from HS would have been ready to marry at 18. And, of my two closest girlfriends, we consequently married at 18, 20, and 23. I know many others who weren't ready to marry. My sister and I are BOTH 26 years old, and she is still not ready for marriage! My brother is 22, and will probably never be ready for marriage.

Would I advocate marriage for my kids at 18? No. I don't advocate a lot, if any, of my childrens adult choices. I can guide them, I can support them, but I'm not going to choose their lives for them. My kids and I talk a lot about what they want for their adult lives, and how they are going to get those things. And they both are very interested in having families someday. When that person comes along, who is right for them, they will come along. That may be at 18, it may be at 25, it may be at 35 or whenever. Personally, I don't see the big deal.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 2:04pm
Oh, you thought I was serious? That's why I put in the LOL emoticon! I'm actually astounded that there are people who don't see anything wrong with teenagers getting pregnant, getting married and skipping college.

Boggles the mind, doesn't it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 2:07pm
Nope, having kids or getting married at 18 or 19 is still a bad idea, IMO. Maybe those who did so and who are happy with their status just have lower expectations.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 2:21pm
ROFL...yup, my entire life has just been a bad idea. Truthfully, I'm terribly, terribly unhappy. I hate my kids and my husband, and I really just want a life exactly like yours! ROFLMBO!

As for me having lower expectations of what I want in my life? What expectations is it you think I should have had? hmmm, I have a husband, 2 kids, a home, 3 cars, a dog, 3 cats, family and friends all around me, neighbors I enjoy spending time with, hobbies I enjoy and excel at, and there is only more to come. I mean, I am only 26 years old. Exactly what more should I have expectations of?

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 2:23pm
I'm sorry, but at 38 looking back on 18, I can say beyond the shadow of a doubt that the words *18yo* and *emotionally mature* just dont go hand in hand. You seriously think that you would have made the same decisions if you had waited 5 years to marry? I dont think an 18yo, no matter how *mature* has the emotional capacity to even comprehend the lifetime commitment of marriage. An 18yo is a teenager. A teenager is not ready for marriage-no matter WHAT the situation or HOW they have lived or how in LOVE they are.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 2:28pm
I didn't say you were unhappy, you're obviously very happy. Not everyone would be happy with your life, though. Why even ask what anyone else's expectations are? If you don't have them, it doesn't matter.

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