Would you have had kids if you couldn't

Avatar for cindytree
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Would you have had kids if you couldn't
1589
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 3:31pm
Would you still have had children if you knew you might not be able to pay for their college education? I'm not talking about providing food and shelter and needs of minor children and paying bills in general. Just about paying their way through college.

I guess I'm still astounded at the attitude that surfaced at another thread implying that if they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have had children. Of course, I'm a lazy, selfish mom at home who isn't working while some of my kids are in school so maybe my opinion doesn't count. Maybe I SHOULD take up scrapbooking to make my existence more worthwhile! lol

In any case, it is an interesting question considering that, under that reasoning, Oprah Winfrey shouldn't have been born. Give me time and I can come up with a whole list of highly successful and respected people who have impacted us in positive ways that wouldn't have been born had their parents decided that because they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have children.

How has the college issue influenced your decision to have children, if at all? Do you think it is an important criteria in the decision?

Cindy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 3:33pm
Don't you think that every 18 year old that gets married thinks that they are mature enough? Again you were the exception to the rule.

You know there is nothing wrong with getting married at 18 and still agreeing that it is really not a good choice.

Statically those that smoke have a much higher risk of having health problems because of it. Does that mean that everyone will, no? But when someone starts to smoke they have no way of knowing on which side of statisics they will be on. They could beat the odds or they could be the exception. So if someone lives to the ripe old age off 100 and has no smoking related health issues then smoking is a good choice. No, it just means that they beat the odds.

Statically those that get married as teens have a much greater risk of divorcing. Does that mean that everyone will, no? But when they get married they have no way of knowing on which side of the statistic they will be on. They could beat the odds or they could be the exception. So if someone has a get married at 18 and has a 70 year mariage does that mean that getting married as a teen is a good idea. No it just means that they beat the odds.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 3:38pm
If you are talking about a life long marriage then yours is still in its infancy stage?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 3:39pm
ROFL...it just means they "beat the odds"? No, it just means they knew what they wanted, and they were committed enough to their spouse, family and marriage to make it work. Are there many 18 years olds who aren't ready to marry? YES. Are there many 18 years olds who ARE ready to marry? YES. Same can be said for someone 25 or 30 or 40 or whatever!

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 3:39pm
and your point is?

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 3:45pm
Again don't you think that every 18 year old that gets married thougth they knew what knew what they wanted, and thought that they were committed enough to their spouse, family and marriage to make it work. But obviously most of them are wrong. You can only know in hindsight many years later if you truely were mature enough or only thought that you were.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 3:53pm
every person I know who has married thought they were mature enough and were making the right choices. It isn't just limited to 18 year olds.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 4:03pm
That there are many milestones in marriage that once you are over make the chances more likely that yours will be a life long marriage. An 8 year marriage has hit few of those milestones.

I just found a statics on the duration of marriages. (It is for Idaho but I don't think that there is anything unique to Idaho so it probably mirrors stats for other states).

The highest divorce rate is for those married 1-4 years, followed by those married 5-9 years. Those that make it to 20 years have a much lower chance of divorce and the longer the marriage the lower and lower the chance is.

http://www2.state.id.us/dhw/vital_stats/1994/94div95.html

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 4:05pm
Right, but it is much more likely that the 18 year old was mistake then someone older.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 4:06pm
So, again, I am asking, does that mean you believe I carry no weight in this discussion until I have been married.....ummm...how long?

Truthfully, I have been through more in my marriage than most people I know who have been married 20 years. That's the thing about numbers...doesn't really tell you much.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 4:07pm
right

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

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