Would you have had kids if you couldn't

Avatar for cindytree
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Would you have had kids if you couldn't
1589
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 3:31pm
Would you still have had children if you knew you might not be able to pay for their college education? I'm not talking about providing food and shelter and needs of minor children and paying bills in general. Just about paying their way through college.

I guess I'm still astounded at the attitude that surfaced at another thread implying that if they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have had children. Of course, I'm a lazy, selfish mom at home who isn't working while some of my kids are in school so maybe my opinion doesn't count. Maybe I SHOULD take up scrapbooking to make my existence more worthwhile! lol

In any case, it is an interesting question considering that, under that reasoning, Oprah Winfrey shouldn't have been born. Give me time and I can come up with a whole list of highly successful and respected people who have impacted us in positive ways that wouldn't have been born had their parents decided that because they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have children.

How has the college issue influenced your decision to have children, if at all? Do you think it is an important criteria in the decision?

Cindy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 4:08pm
Yeah well I was married 11 .. together 15 .. didn't get me squat.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 4:37pm
Of course it does not mean that what you say carries no weight in any discussion.

But you keep using the fact that your marriage has lasted 8 years as proof that teenage marriages can last. I am just pointing out that in a life long marriage 8 years is nothing. There are many teenage marriages that survive 8 years but that does not mean they will be life long marriages.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 4:41pm
And every 18yo I've known has still had the *I know everything and no one else can tell me otherwise* attitude that is totally common and normal for teenagers.

You see 18 as being an adult. I dont. And in regards to the situation with my sil, they were/are very involved parents. But they also never taught their children to reach any higher in life than what they did-and unfortunately their children fell much more in line with the statistics of children getting married.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 5:36pm
<<<<>>>> i dont know if i qualify as an exception as i was married at the ripe old age of 22, as well as my dh, but we started talking about getting married at the age of 16 and there was never any turning back. we were in love, and both of us were bound and determined to marry whenever one of us was able to land a job that could support us. dh finished tech school in march of 1979 and we were married in august. for those of you who are interested in the math, we started talking about marriage thirty years ago. i wonder if thats long enough. im with you ok, if its good its good no matter what the age. and its *good* here. LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 5:40pm
my kids are 21 and 20 right now, and the 21yo is far from ready to marry, although he has a good job, a car and a home. the 20yo would be awesome getting married tomorrow. she has always been mature beyond her years, and has her head on straighter than most 30yo's i know. (i said most, o.k.!! LOL)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 5:41pm
hehehehe...just want to point out that I was 2 when you got married. :-P

now I'm going to go hide so you don't hunt me down and kill me! ;)

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 5:53pm
who decides what a low expectation is? how are expectations rated? ive always dreamed of marrying and becoming a mother. the day i became a mother and held that little guy for the first time far exceeded anything i ever imagined i could accomplish. 21 years later he is a beautiful, intellegent, happy, respectful, responsible adult and *i* am responsible for that along with dh. it is what i expected, but i felt those were pretty high expectations to accomplish. is that a lower expectation than going to college? or becoming an artist? i have those expectations now, but not when i was younger. we live in a nice home, and have fairly nice cars, own a rental home and two condos. is that a high or low expectation???

its all relevant to what we want, who we want to be, and how we want to live our lives. there are plenty of people my age who have been married longer than i, so i really dont see this "expectation" thing as a criteria.

perhaps, "different" expectations is more relevant.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 6:09pm
GOOD IDEA!!! ROFLMAO....
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 6:12pm
Ummmmm, hollie, i wouldnt call two beautiful children, squat......
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 6:28pm
My mother is a complete exception too.

She and my father married when she was 19 (he was 20) and pregnant. 4 kids, cancer, and 36 years later they are still happily married. My father is the only man my mother has ever made love too, and she is the only one he's been with since they started dating.

Could they have had a life with more money? More things? a bigger house? nicer cars? if they hadn't married so young? Probably. Would my mother have finished her degree if she had gotten pregnant and married young? Maybe. Would they be working so hard for so little in return right now? Probably. Would my sister and brothers and I had a paid for college education? Probably.

But, poor as we were, I had a wonderful childhood. And I have a wonderful family to this day.

So, there's at least two exceptions to this "rule".

Hollie

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