Would you have had kids if you couldn't

Avatar for cindytree
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Would you have had kids if you couldn't
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Wed, 09-03-2003 - 3:31pm
Would you still have had children if you knew you might not be able to pay for their college education? I'm not talking about providing food and shelter and needs of minor children and paying bills in general. Just about paying their way through college.

I guess I'm still astounded at the attitude that surfaced at another thread implying that if they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have had children. Of course, I'm a lazy, selfish mom at home who isn't working while some of my kids are in school so maybe my opinion doesn't count. Maybe I SHOULD take up scrapbooking to make my existence more worthwhile! lol

In any case, it is an interesting question considering that, under that reasoning, Oprah Winfrey shouldn't have been born. Give me time and I can come up with a whole list of highly successful and respected people who have impacted us in positive ways that wouldn't have been born had their parents decided that because they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have children.

How has the college issue influenced your decision to have children, if at all? Do you think it is an important criteria in the decision?

Cindy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 6:33pm
There's a song by Lyle Lovett called Bosque County Romance, part of Texas Trilogy. It chronicles the life of a young woman who married young. They had the hardest times one could imagine .. but she smiled through it all. Was happy through it all. It's a very moving song ...

<
Just seventeen or so,

When she married Billy Archer

About fourteen years ago;

Not even out of high school,

Folks said it wouldn't last;

But when you grow up in the country,

You grow up mighty fast.

They married in a hurry,

In March before school was out,

Folks said that she was pregnant,

"Just wait and you'll find out."

It came about that winter,

One gray November morn,

The first of many more to come,

A baby boy was born.

And cattle is their game,

And Archer is the name

they give to the acres that they own;

If the Brazos don't run dry,

And the newborn calves don't die,

Another year from Mary will have flown,

Another year from Mary will have flown.

Now Billy kept what cattle

His daddy could afford,

Bouncing across the cactus

in a 1950 Ford;

The cows were sick and skinny,

And the weeds was all that grew,

But Billy kept the place alive,

The only thing he knew.

And Mary cooked the supper,

And Mary scrubbed the clothes,

And Mary busted horses,

And blew the baby's nose,

And Mary and a shotgun

Kept the rattlesnakes away;

How she kept on smiling,

No one could ever say.

Now the drought of '57

Was a curse upon the land,

No one on Bosque County

Could give Bill a helping hand;

The ground was cracked and broken,

And the truck was out of gas,

And cows can't feed on prickly pear

instead of growing grass.

Well the weather got the water,

And a snake bite took a child,

And a fire in the old barn

took the hay that Bill had piled;

The mortgage got the money,

And the screwworm got the cows,

The years have come for Mary,

She's waiting for them now.>>

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 6:38pm
true, true, true .. just feeling a little lonely and sad this weekend ...

Just realized today that I have nothing I feel passion about in my life right now. My job's good, I'm enjoying it, but there's no *passion* there. My family is good, I"m loving the time I have with them, but there's no *passion* about parents and brothers, lol. My kids are great, but I have a hard time feeling passion about them right now, because they are missing their father so terribly.

Ok, enough sad stuff ...

Hollie


Edited 9/14/2003 6:40:12 PM ET by savcal

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 6:47pm
There are many more then 2. My sister and BIL were married at 20 (him) and 19 (her) and have been married for 27 years. My brother and SIL were married at 20 and have been married for 22 years.

But within a couple of years of my sister and BIL marrying they attendend the weddings of at least 6 other couples around the same age and they are the only couple still married. It is not much different for my brother and SIL.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 6:59pm
I dont think its a rule. And of course there will be exceptions-otherwise where would the 10 percent of those teen couples who do make it factor in?

The thing is, I'd want more for my children, not to mention more for my grandchildren. My one hard and fast thought when it comes to having babies is that people shouldnt have them if they cannot *reasonably* afford them (no, not talking about paying for college here, lol!). Chances are very good that an 18yo isnt going to have much in the way of marketable skills, or much of an education, and forget any life experiences. If my dd at 18yo couldnt come up with anything more for her life than getting married and having kids right away, I'd feel pretty sad about that. That doesnt mean that her life would be ruined or that she couldnt be happy. But there is a whole wide world out there, and I'd rather she take her chances on that 50/50 faillure rate of marriage with at least SOME life experience behind her, not to mention education and the ability to take care of herself. If nothing else, I'd have wanted her to live on her own for awhile so that she knew she could do it. I've seen women stay in unhappy relationships because they were afraid they couldnt make it alone.

There are certainly no guarantees on anything. But I'd like to see my children have at least SOME of the odds stacked in their favor, rather than starting out their lives with the odds completely against them.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 7:00pm
Mine to including all her sisters and my father.

My parents married young she was 19 he was 18 he dropped out of h.s at 16 to help on the farm when his dad came ill and take over the buisness that he in turn bought and ran and now it is my brothers.

My sister finished h/s got pregnant married her husband who is now after years of eating benas is now a doctor.

So there is more than two exeptions to the rule.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 7:02pm
I'm just thinking here of the couples I knew back when I was 19/20 that got married (myself included). Out of ALL of them (about 15 couples or so) I know of TWO who are still married almost 20 years later. So sure, it happens. But the odds are much higher of it not working out, thats for sure. Heck the odds are ALREADY high of it not working out, why would people want to make the odds even worse by marrying at 18?

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 7:16pm
I am familiar with more divoced couples who went to college or waited until their later years to marry. Some are now on there 2 or 3 marriage.. Most h.s sweethearts i am familiar with over the years are still happily married.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 7:23pm
I can think of at least 8 high school sweatheart couples from my graduating class that married within one or two years of graduation. None are still married.
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 7:28pm
LOL, no I didn't think you were serious. I was agreeing with you. It does boggle the mind. Little could break my heart more than to see my dd's as teen moms. I saw too many of my friends from high school go down that road to wish it on anybody.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 7:37pm
My DDs are 20, 18 and 14.

One day a few days after DD2 graduated from high school. She, DD3, DD3's friend and I were in the car.

DD2 said "Well, Mom looks like you have almost lost your change to have a teenage daughter".

My reply, "Well, I still have your sister, maybe she'll make me proud".




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