Would you have had kids if you couldn't

Avatar for cindytree
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Would you have had kids if you couldn't
1589
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 3:31pm
Would you still have had children if you knew you might not be able to pay for their college education? I'm not talking about providing food and shelter and needs of minor children and paying bills in general. Just about paying their way through college.

I guess I'm still astounded at the attitude that surfaced at another thread implying that if they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have had children. Of course, I'm a lazy, selfish mom at home who isn't working while some of my kids are in school so maybe my opinion doesn't count. Maybe I SHOULD take up scrapbooking to make my existence more worthwhile! lol

In any case, it is an interesting question considering that, under that reasoning, Oprah Winfrey shouldn't have been born. Give me time and I can come up with a whole list of highly successful and respected people who have impacted us in positive ways that wouldn't have been born had their parents decided that because they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have children.

How has the college issue influenced your decision to have children, if at all? Do you think it is an important criteria in the decision?

Cindy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 8:26pm
very well said~
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 8:33pm
ITA. I wasn't a mother for years later. But I was a married 18yo with a husband, an apartment, a wonderful marriage and life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 8:38pm
Yeah but is that all there is? Is that really the only dream you ever had for yourself, or is that all you ever wanted to do? Get married, have a few kids and live an average, middle class (maybe, those who marry young generally live a lower middle class life), and that's all she wrote?

Did you ever want to travel the world, ride in a private jet, be on TV, get an advanced degree, have a successful career, do the club scene in Manhattan, run a marathon, be a published author, ANYTHING?

That's what I mean by lower expectations. I'm not saying those things are the kinds of things everyone wants to do, but I would think we all have some kind of desire or dream we'd like to see fulfilled or accomplished to feel like we weren't living some ordinary, dull life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 8:39pm
I don't have a problem with comparing two accidental pregancies ... one at age 17 that results in an unwed mother .... and one at 17yo that results in a wed mother that didn't plan to wed.

I do have a problem with comparing a 19yo woman that is happily married and gets happily pregnant to an unwed 13yo with an unplanned pregnancy.

Hollie

Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 8:43pm
I would not want my dd's married at 18 either. The rest of your life is a long long time wehn you're 18. Most women don't know who is looking back from the mirror until they're aout 25. No, I want my dd's to experience the world before settling down. Marrying young and having kids young all too often turns out to be bad mistakes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 8:44pm
It's our 20th anniversary this year.

Anyway, I think I know why it the odds are better after that point. After 20 years it's more trouble than it's worth. (divorce I mean).

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 8:54pm
Have you thought about signing up for a race? I'm serious, it will give you a goal to work towards, and you'll be too sore and tired to be depressed.

It might be a great diversion and you'll feel such a sense of accomplishment for finishing.

Oh, and you just might meet a cute fellow runner while training.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 9:00pm
How in the world do you know she want's...she started her life young, she is doing what she wants to do for herself and her family now....her kids will be gone and maybe than she will write a book...get rich and fly to Paris. OR stay at home live a quite happy life and be joyful.


Edited 9/14/2003 9:28:23 PM ET by silverunity
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 9:01pm
NOW I know where you live..what did Seinfeld call it? Oh yes, it's the bizarro world.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 9:03pm
Or like me. Dream of getting married & being a Sah wife and someday mom. Do it at age 18. Travel, do all that stuff. Have kids. Still travel (who says you can't take the kids to Europe, New York, and Hawaii????)

I believe in having it all. I'm there!

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