Would you have had kids if you couldn't

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Registered: 03-28-2003
Would you have had kids if you couldn't
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Wed, 09-03-2003 - 3:31pm
Would you still have had children if you knew you might not be able to pay for their college education? I'm not talking about providing food and shelter and needs of minor children and paying bills in general. Just about paying their way through college.

I guess I'm still astounded at the attitude that surfaced at another thread implying that if they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have had children. Of course, I'm a lazy, selfish mom at home who isn't working while some of my kids are in school so maybe my opinion doesn't count. Maybe I SHOULD take up scrapbooking to make my existence more worthwhile! lol

In any case, it is an interesting question considering that, under that reasoning, Oprah Winfrey shouldn't have been born. Give me time and I can come up with a whole list of highly successful and respected people who have impacted us in positive ways that wouldn't have been born had their parents decided that because they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have children.

How has the college issue influenced your decision to have children, if at all? Do you think it is an important criteria in the decision?

Cindy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 9:04pm
No, there is NO quarantee how you will live the rest of your life. If you have already done everything you ever wanted than your retierment will be quite non exsistant.


Edited 9/14/2003 9:05:03 PM ET by silverunity
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 9:13pm
I"d have to lose about 200 lbs before I could run a race (not really, i'm exaggerating).

But I dont have time to train for a race. I'm single remember? No dh to help with kids and childcare.

What I'd really like to do, and probably will within the next several months, is get back involved in community theatre. There's a great theatre here, just haven't been able to swing their monthly meetings yet to be able to take an active role.

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 9:14pm
I don't *want* it for dd either. I'm not going to encourage it, but neither am I going to hold it over her head like a guillotine if that's what she wants at 18.

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 9:17pm
>>>I'd rather not get specific. Suffice it to say that we all don't have the same aspirations or expectations of lifestyles for ourselves and our children.<<<

There is a difference between saying we don't all have the same aspirations or expectations and saying my expectations are LOWER than yours. That is what I am questioning, and you are STILL refusing to specify what you mean by that statement.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 9:19pm
you are not answering the question. What makes your decision to go to college and party BETTER than my decision to get married and have kids?




Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 9:20pm
i know, i know, im just trying to distract you for a minute. if that will help you get through the day, than its worth it to me.

i have to laugh, you're talking about passion, and i dont know if i have passion for anything these days. i constantly think about my dd in spain, and what time it is and what shes doing, yadah, yadah, but i just go to work and come home and go to bed, and go to work, etc, etc. my weight is not going well, and i have to get back to walking regularly, so maybe i can make that my passion. i go to the doctor this week and im dreading it, cause i gained weight.

dont be sad, i love your smarta$$ posts!! i sit here and laugh all by myself, so that means something, right??

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 9:20pm
>>>Don't forget, I got married and had children too, as well as did just about everything else I ever wanted to.<<<

Great for you! I got married and had children, and I have done just about everything I ever wanted to do WHILE married and a mom. So, why is it you think your choices are so much better than mine?

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 9:22pm
AMEN!!!!! you have to split all that stuff!!!! and my dh would fight like he!! for most of it. so, i'll just stay and avoid the conflict....LOL. its quiet around here, and i get whatever i want, so why bother stirring things up? LOL

p.s. the sex aint half bad either!! ......ROFLMAO

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 9:30pm
>>>Yeah but is that all there is? Is that really the only dream you ever had for yourself, or is that all you ever wanted to do? Get married, have a few kids and live an average, middle class (maybe, those who marry young generally live a lower middle class life), and that's all she wrote?<<<

Yes, that is pretty much the only dream I had for myself. I have said it numerous times, I always wanted to be a wife and mom, driving a minivan. None of that has changed (well, other than I know believe that Chrysler/Dodge products, specifically the minivans, are crap!). I wanted a strong family. That was my dream. And I have it. Boring? No. Keeping a strong family is a challenge every single day, what could be boring about that?

***Did you ever want to travel the world, ride in a private jet, be on TV, get an advanced degree, have a successful career, do the club scene in Manhattan, run a marathon, be a published author, ANYTHING?***

No to most of that. The few things I might want to do, I can do with a husband and kids. I have never ever been interested in the club scene. Even at 18, I thought it was incredibly idiotic! Most everything I want or am interested in is very compatible with being married and having kids. What you are also forgetting is that when my kids graduate HS, and are going out on their own, I'm not even going to be 40 yet! That is an entire other lifetime after the kids are gone! If I ever want to concentrate on a "successful career", I have plenty of time to do it.

>>>That's what I mean by lower expectations. I'm not saying those things are the kinds of things everyone wants to do, but I would think we all have some kind of desire or dream we'd like to see fulfilled or accomplished to feel like we weren't living some ordinary, dull life.<<<

Ordinary, dull life? Please! I know that different people want different things, but do you REALLY believe that being a mom and wife is dull? And why is it that you get to be so judgemental about others lives? Personally, I am very satisfied with my life, and I don't feel it is any "less" than what you have.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 9:35pm
WHY aren't you on aol IM? :( :( :(

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

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