Would you have had kids if you couldn't

Avatar for cindytree
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Would you have had kids if you couldn't
1589
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 3:31pm
Would you still have had children if you knew you might not be able to pay for their college education? I'm not talking about providing food and shelter and needs of minor children and paying bills in general. Just about paying their way through college.

I guess I'm still astounded at the attitude that surfaced at another thread implying that if they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have had children. Of course, I'm a lazy, selfish mom at home who isn't working while some of my kids are in school so maybe my opinion doesn't count. Maybe I SHOULD take up scrapbooking to make my existence more worthwhile! lol

In any case, it is an interesting question considering that, under that reasoning, Oprah Winfrey shouldn't have been born. Give me time and I can come up with a whole list of highly successful and respected people who have impacted us in positive ways that wouldn't have been born had their parents decided that because they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have children.

How has the college issue influenced your decision to have children, if at all? Do you think it is an important criteria in the decision?

Cindy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 7:07am
Well, my Mom married at 18 and she has passed it!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 8:06am
Damn ... someone should have told my grandmothers and my mother that they're unhappy. Shoot, I bet they need to know that!
Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 8:18am
When your mom and grandmothers are done with the 'you really aren't/weren't happy' memo. . .can they route it to my grandmothers.
Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 8:21am
While I have heard 'I could never be a military spouse'. . .I rarely am told that I was WRONG to marry a soldier or that I am stupid for having done so. . .both of which are statements that have been made in this thread.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 8:24am
Did anywhere at all in my post did I say that your grandmother and mother are unhappy.

What I said was: "I don't for a minute believe that ALL the "My granddmother got married at 18 and has been married for 50 years" stories means that grandma knew exactly what she wanted at 18 and has been enternally happy. In many cases it means that she got married at 18 and has be "stuck" with him for the last 50 years."

Don't try to twist something as personal when it was not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 8:30am
See, I just see absolutely no point in dating for 4 years just so one will be older when they marry. Heck, I can't really see much point in "dating" for 4 years, but there are some reasons I might do, not many, though.

As far as whether ones marriage would have made it if they aren't still dating after 4 years, there is a BIG difference between dating and marriage. I would have never stuck by my husband, through all we have been through, if we were only dating. NEVER. But marriage is a commitment, and you stick through those bad things, whether you enjoy them or not. If you are married, you find ways to get through the bad stuff; you find ways to still love that person, even when they are being an idiot. And you work with that person to get through the rough times, and keep your relationship strong. Dating? FORGET IT! I would never, ever work so hard at a "dating" relationship. My husband and I would be LONG over if we had only dated, rather than marrying.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 8:45am
No, we don't. We have the same expectations we would have if we waited later to get married. We just found our true love and didn't want to put off marriage until we were 25+ (that would have been waiting 7 years, talk about a long engagement.

Just because I married my true love at 18. Just because I dreamed of being a wife and mother who stays home instead of going outside the home to work. Just because I will probably never work outside the home. None of these things means I have lower expectations for my life.

And how do you rate "expectations"? Because one person aspires to win an Oscar and another doesn't is one better than the other?

FTR, I do have dreams beyond wife and mother. I'm pursuing many of my creative outlets that SAH affords me the time and luxury to do. We travelled before kids, we still travel. I'm not talking trekking from Birmingham down to the gulf coast (although we do that quite often). We travel both here in the states and abroad frequently (for us 3-4x a year is frequently, maybe it isn't to others, I don't know).

I think some times we all have similar goals and dreams, we just take different routes to get there, and that is Okey Dokey.

S.V.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 8:51am
Right, those were just examples, to be honest I always had this dream of getting on stage as a rock star but, oh well..

Maybe the world is full of people who never wanted anything more than to live a quiet life, living paycheck to paycheck, etc. Who knew?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 8:53am
I am not talking about someone you are casually dating but someone you have made a commitment to (so in actuality an engagement). I have read numerous stories of people that are dating something happens to one of the (cancer, major auto accident, head injury etc) and the other one see them through it and they later marry. If you only stuck with your DH because you are married the that says something about your commitment not about dating relationships.

I know that you had a very limited time between meeting your DH and marrying him for something to happen (I think that is was something like 9 days) but if during that time he was in a major auto accident that would mean months and months of rehabilitation you would have said. "Sorry but we are not married, so I'm out of here".

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 8:56am
who said I or Virgo or BethAnn or Savcal or anyone else is living paycheck to paycheck? Where did THAT come from?

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

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