Would you have had kids if you couldn't

Avatar for cindytree
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Would you have had kids if you couldn't
1589
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 3:31pm
Would you still have had children if you knew you might not be able to pay for their college education? I'm not talking about providing food and shelter and needs of minor children and paying bills in general. Just about paying their way through college.

I guess I'm still astounded at the attitude that surfaced at another thread implying that if they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have had children. Of course, I'm a lazy, selfish mom at home who isn't working while some of my kids are in school so maybe my opinion doesn't count. Maybe I SHOULD take up scrapbooking to make my existence more worthwhile! lol

In any case, it is an interesting question considering that, under that reasoning, Oprah Winfrey shouldn't have been born. Give me time and I can come up with a whole list of highly successful and respected people who have impacted us in positive ways that wouldn't have been born had their parents decided that because they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have children.

How has the college issue influenced your decision to have children, if at all? Do you think it is an important criteria in the decision?

Cindy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 8:57am
Jeez, why the rush to get married? I met my husband when I was 17 but NO WAY did I want to marry him yet. I did want to marry him someday and did, 7 years later but what was the rush? I wanted to be a college student, I wanted to travel, I wanted to model, I wanted to live alone, I wanted to buy MY first home by MYself, I wanted to work at a resort area with girlfriends for the summer. I got to do ALL of that before marrying. It wasn't like I didn't get to see and enjoy being with my boyfriend. We had a great time before and after we got married. I didn't want the responisibility of a home and husband at 18, UGH.

I also wanted to make sure that he was the one. Why on earth would I commit myself before knowing more about the direction HIS life was heading in?

How would I have felt if someone told me to wait 5 years? I would have said I really ought to wait even longer.


Edited 9/15/2003 9:09:49 AM ET by islimshady

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 9:00am
That's because there was nothing else that you wanted to experience. Getting married and starting a family was it, the pinnacle.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 9:03am
What I am saying is that if I had waited 5 years, as is being suggested here, then yes, I probably would have ended up walking away from my DH. I have never believed in long engagements. My opinion is that if I am going to marry someone, I am going to marry them, I am not going to wait 5 years, I cannot see the point, in most situations. To me, marriage is MUCH more of a committment than either being engaged or dating. If I had married DH in 2000, instead of 1995, we would have been way over by then, mostly due to his health/psychological issues. I would not have chosen to get married to and make babies with my husband AFTER everything we have been through. Not because he is a bad husband or a bad dad or a bad person, not because we have an unhappy marriage. None of that is true. I wouldn't have married him because I can't see putting up with all I have for an "engagement" or a "boyfriend". No way.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 9:04am
Look at how many people look back on their boyfriends/girlfriends at 18 and positively shudder to think that they might have married them. At that age our tastes haven't necessarily developed and the primary factor in choosing a mate might just be limited to the fact that they're "cute". It's a pretty scary thought.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 9:06am
Oh my god! You would have walked away from your dh if you waited 5 years? What does that tell you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 9:13am
Again that has to do with how you see committment, it appears in your eyes that the only real committment is the marriage committment. If that is the case then doing it your way was probably the best choice for you. If you do have a long dating process then you are taking the chance that something could happen that makes you have to evaluate how much of a committment you really have. If you just skip that step and go straight to marriage then the marriage becomes the committment.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 9:14am
Why on earth would I WANT my 18 year old to be saddled with the responsibility of a spouse, home, fulltime job, and a child?

I'd really they rather go to college, meet people, enjoy the experience and grow up before marrying the first person they fall in "love" with!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 9:20am
By whom? I never heard anyone say you were wrong or stupid for marrying a soldier.

I have heard people (I wonder who) say it was not wise for you to get pregnant by a 17 or 18 year old when you were 20.

Why are you twisting it to make it sound like people are faulting you for marrying someone in the military?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 9:26am
I didn't say you all personally. MOST people who get married in their teens live paycheck to paycheck, if they're lucky.

Unless you're going to tell me about all the fantastic, high paying careers available to high school dropouts or those with just a high school diploma.

Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 9:32am
See, I don't see myself as being 'saddled' by a husband and children. . .they are wonderful additions to my life.

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