Would you have had kids if you couldn't

Avatar for cindytree
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Would you have had kids if you couldn't
1589
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 3:31pm
Would you still have had children if you knew you might not be able to pay for their college education? I'm not talking about providing food and shelter and needs of minor children and paying bills in general. Just about paying their way through college.

I guess I'm still astounded at the attitude that surfaced at another thread implying that if they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have had children. Of course, I'm a lazy, selfish mom at home who isn't working while some of my kids are in school so maybe my opinion doesn't count. Maybe I SHOULD take up scrapbooking to make my existence more worthwhile! lol

In any case, it is an interesting question considering that, under that reasoning, Oprah Winfrey shouldn't have been born. Give me time and I can come up with a whole list of highly successful and respected people who have impacted us in positive ways that wouldn't have been born had their parents decided that because they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have children.

How has the college issue influenced your decision to have children, if at all? Do you think it is an important criteria in the decision?

Cindy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 9:36am
Ummm, sarcasm. Ever heard of it? If not, you better look it up in the dictionary. Its used an awful lot on this board.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 9:44am
And again, you seem to believe there is something wrong with that. Why is it?

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 9:48am
It tells me that I am committed enough to my marriage, my husband, and my children to make our lives work. If I had no children, and if I had no committment (marriage) to my husband, I would NOT have gone through all that I have over the last 8 years, especially the few right after my husband became disabled.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 9:50am
That is a very good point. I don't see any committment in dating or engagement. More so of an engagement, but there is nothing "final" there, there is still an "out" option. I don't see that in marriage, except in limited circumstances. So, yes, marriage was very much the right decision for me. :)

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 9:51am
So, what if one of your children does marry at 18...what would your response be?

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 9:52am
I didn't say (or at least I didn't mean to say. . .I was posting as I ate my Apple Jacks) that anyone said I was wrong or stupid to marry a soldier. . .

But you (though not pointed at anyone) said that marrying at 18 or 21 was wrong and stupid. . .and you'd do anything in your power to stop your children from doing so.

I don't hear the same things (wrong, stupid, over my dead body) about marrying a soldier or a police officer. . .at least not NEARLY as often as about marrying young.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 9:53am
EVERYONE lives paycheck to paycheck at some point. Or, most people do, at some point. It is a no-brainer that a couple who marries young might live paycheck to paycheck the first few years because they are just building their careers and lives together. Similarly, if I had remained single, I would have also lived paycheck to paycheck the first few years. The only difference is that I was married instead of single.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 9:54am
>>>See, I don't see myself as being 'saddled' by a husband and children. . .they are wonderful additions to my life.<<<

I very much agree with that statement!

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

Avatar for tickmich
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 9:57am
Most people believe that soldier or police officer is an honorable career. The idea that marrying young is negative stems from the belief that it is better to marry and have children when you are older, wiser and have had more time to develop a career and are established. The fact that your DH and you were successful despite your early age is a credit to you but doesnt change that belief.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 10:05am
I'm not saddled either, now. Especially since there isn't much that I've ever wanted to experience that I haven't.

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