Would you support your DH going to Iraq?
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Would you support your DH going to Iraq?
| Thu, 04-10-2003 - 11:01pm |
Okay...I stole this from another board (one that is very much dying a slow death after the board changes), but I think it is a pretty interesting topic, so I'm dragging it here where there is more traffic.
****Obviously military people have no choice, but if your DH was a journalist, cameraman, etc., and wanted to go cover it would you support it? Michael Kelly and David Bloom had small children; do you think it's irresponsible to *voluntarily* go to the front lines of a war zone -- no matter how good or exciting a career move it might be -- when you have kids?****
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If I thought he was just going to avoid parenting, or because he thought it might look good on a resume (or thought it's absence would hurt), that would make a huge difference compared to if he were feeling "called" in whatever capacity he wished to go. I have a number of teachers and medical personnel in my family who are "called" to be what they are. it can be mighty inconvenient for them, but denying them this calling or expecting them to ignore it would be beyond cruel. Part of being a family is recognizing those among us who feel these calls so completely and so strongly within them....and giving them your blessing (even if it's accompanied with grumbles) to follow that calling to its natural and occasionally very inconvenient and sometimes downright dangerous conclusions.
One of my closest and dearest cousins is just about my political opposite in terms of our opinion of the war right now. I'm very much opposed; he's very much in support. He also flies B1 Bombers for the Air Force. I absolutely support him and his calling and his deep and sincerely felt *need* to be where he is, doing what he's doing; just as he supports my very deep and sincerely felt *need* to march in anti-war protests. In many ways, he and I have more in common than some of our more middle of the road relatives on both sides of pro and con, because to both of us, our beliefs are much more strongly felt...and somehow our polarization gives us more in common with each other than with our beloved moderates. Perhaps it's because we can understand how neither of us can simply let it go.
Would I agree with a spouse who wanted to fight in Iraq? No, probably not. Would I support him? Yeah, I probably would. Love means, among other things, recognizing and accepting a spouse for everything he is, even if it's inconvenient.
Linda
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Linda - wife, mother, grandmum                     &nb
Intellectually, I'd like to say yes, but with two tiny children, no way. I guess if push came to shove, I'd suck it up, but I wouldn't be happy about it.
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When I married dh he was on the TDRL (temporary disabled retirement list.) He remained there for the completion of his enlistement, which meant Jul. 2001 before he got an actual discharge.
Now, I will admit that when I watched 9/11, my heart stopped for moment. After the complete shock started to fade, all I could think of was the explanation that we recieved, in wartime, he could very well be called back to active duty with his disabled percentage, if needed. (They would do this before the draft.) My dh was highly specialized, a Navy Nuke, an electrician, an instructor for nuclear theory, and was half way through officer training when he was originally seperated. I was highly nervous in the days and weeks after that happened.. not knowing that we were not going to engage in an immediate high casualty impromptu war. I WAS very nervous and anxious about it. Paranoid, even. Every time the phone rang, or when the mailperson came, my heart once again stopped. By Christmas time I felt a little relieved. And now, I have come to terms with it. I don't know where this war on terror is leading, but I am now definately okay in thinking that it is a possibility, albeit, a rare one.
Now, if he were part of the media, or any other facet of say, rebuilding Iraq (There will be more civilian contractors from what I have read...) I would definately support him. But, I also know that he has enough military training behind him... obviously, that may sound naive in the face of suicide bombers and small bands of terrorists... but would be better than no training at all.
But I have a question as well... would your DH support YOU going?
My FIL was in the army when he met my MIL. He wanted to go to helicopter school in TX. Back in the early 1960's, this meant definate trip to Vietnam. My MIL told him that he could do that or marry her, but not both. He chose to marry her. He made his choice and was happy with it. She made her choice as well.
If my current DH said he wanted to go to Iraq, I'd probably want to check him into the local psychiatric hospital because nothing could be further from being "normal" for him.
Is this making any sense?
I think having the reporter there does us a service. The more people you have out there from a variety of sources, the more balanced and realistic view you are going to get about what is going on. When its limited, you tend to get a particular POV that suits a particular agenda.
I get up early on Sunday mornings for work and I love listening the the BBC world service. Talk about a different perspective!!!
Now do the networks go overboard? You betcha. And I hate all the talking heads. Its like, "Let's see how many retired generals we can flush out to ask the same questions to and get the same answers." You just have to learn to listen to the networks with a filtered ear.
But I think reporters fill a very important role in times like this.
My DH was raised in a military family -- born in a Naval hospital and graduated HS on a military base. His exact words on the subject were: "I've already given 18 years to the Corps and that's all they're getting from me." His dad spent months, sometimes whole years, overseas while DH and his sister were kids and DH purposely didn't choose that life for his children.
If he was in a job where he had to go, of course I would support him. And he would do the same for me. But, thankfully, that's not reality for us.
This was right after we decided to start trying to start a family. If I were pregnant, I'd have to say no because we are so far away from our families - the closest is 3.5 hours away. And, ya, we have friends in the city, but I think that's asking too much of them. If we had kids, it would depend on the age of the kids. If they were older, I would be more willing to let him go - but he'd have to tell them. If they're very young (infant - toddler stage) I would say no, even though the increase in salary would allow me to stay at home with them. There are some things that are a higher priority and I know he'd regret missing all of those firsts.
I think any reporter at any news organization would leap at the chance to be involved in this, just because that's the nature of the people who choose a job like that. Yes, the 24/7 nature of the coverage is a bit overwhelming, but you always have the option of turning the TV off.
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