Advice: The big "talk"

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Advice: The big "talk"
1221
Sun, 02-18-2007 - 7:28am

Okay, I need advice on when people started or will start to have the big "talk" with their kids.

My oldest is going to be 9 next week. I have some friends telling me they already had this talk with their children at this age. She just seems so young to me. She still plays house, school and dolls with her little sister. IMO, telling her about sex is going to take some innocence away from her. But, am I sheltering her too much?

She knows about periods and body hair development. She already has little breats "bumps" (as she likes to call "em).

Agghhh..I really thought I had until she was 12 to have this talk like my mother did.

What is everyone's opinion?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2006
Sat, 02-24-2007 - 12:52pm
I guess that I don't have the expectation that a 4yo has impeccable taste. Children enjoy garish things. I'd rather my child enjoys what she wears than restrict her because of what other people might think. People with bad taste often had parents who had bad taste. If I dress in good taste, it doesn't worry me that my 3yo like to wear a t-shirt with Dora on it once in a while. I have a feeling she will probably grow out of it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2006
Sat, 02-24-2007 - 12:54pm
Thanks for the grammar lesson teacher. (eyeroll) Notice I didn't refer to her or you in my post. It WAS a clear inference, AND a clear implication. Par for the course.... imply stupidity and ignorance when you can't think of an actual response. Didn't you know that correcting grammar and spelling is against TOS?


Edited 2/24/2007 12:55 pm ET by lindamom3kidlets
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Sat, 02-24-2007 - 12:58pm
Not correcting anybody, just clarifying. The "inference" was only clear to whoever happened to draw the same inference as you. And not at all clear to me, since I made no inference.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2006
Sat, 02-24-2007 - 1:01pm
Ahhh.. so explaining to me what infer and imply mean is just clarifying. Lovely. I've had a post pulled for something similar, but whatever you say. ;)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Sat, 02-24-2007 - 1:03pm

Have you never been to a place popular with young girls and seen some dressed inappropriately? That's what I mean by inappropriate, nothing more complicated than that.

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Most of us know this when we see it on a young girl. It's a matter of degree, and to some extent a matter of context, too. But it's not complicated, imo.

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I sometimes wear sexy clothes, although I'm neither a hooker nor an entertainer. Tonight I'm going to a party. I'm wearing a black, low cut party dress with very little back. It has sequins on top and fringes at the hem. I'll be appropriately dressed, but if my dd14 wore it, she might not be. Simple, imo.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Sat, 02-24-2007 - 1:04pm
Not really. I think of tacky as a subset of inappropriate, which can also include lots of other things. Makes no real difference, though, since it's a matter of taste. I find certain things on young girls tasteless, that's all; YMMV.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Sat, 02-24-2007 - 1:06pm
If I get slammed for saying things I didn't say, then fair's fair. The "inference" was clear ;-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Sat, 02-24-2007 - 1:09pm
Well, since it was my so-called "inference" you were referring to, I figured I ought to at least clarify what I thought was said. But it's all in the tone, isn't it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 02-24-2007 - 1:17pm

Yes, which is fine, but you asked why I would notice. I notice, and I do not assume the kid has bad taste, because the kid is too young to have a clue. So, I guess the parents must have bad taste, but you are right, they might also simply not care at all.

So, the real question is why I care what my kid wears. I care because, to me, it is part of teaching her. At the same time, I do not expect to control her every move or police whatever she chooses to wear on a certain day. Nor do I think such a level of control would be a good idea. The solution I chose was to control the "raw material" and leave it up to her from there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2006
Sat, 02-24-2007 - 1:56pm

No, actually, I asked why you care, not why you notice.

>>So, I guess the parents must have bad taste, but you are right, they might also simply not care at all.<<

Ahh, so regardless of the actual taste level of the parents, they MUST have bad taste if they allow their children to dress in what you don't like. See, the way I view it, it seems that they either have bad taste OR they don't care.

>>I do not expect to control her every move or police whatever she chooses to wear on a certain day. Nor do I think such a level of control would be a good idea.<<

Yes, but you do realize that your list of things that cannot be in the home in the first place is probably much longer than say, my list? I would not allow my child to wear high heels, (except those pretend plastic ones when playing dressup) belly shirts, spaghetti strap anything, short skirts, or anything provocative. But I see no reason to not allow Barbie shoes, or a ballerina costume, or a Dora t-shirt, as long as I'm conscious enough to dress her nicely for occasions that call for it. On the other hand, I think that there is a little more formality where you live as compared to where I live. So while you may not think that your "level of control" is very high, I obviously disagree.

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