Advice: The big "talk"

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Advice: The big "talk"
1221
Sun, 02-18-2007 - 7:28am

Okay, I need advice on when people started or will start to have the big "talk" with their kids.

My oldest is going to be 9 next week. I have some friends telling me they already had this talk with their children at this age. She just seems so young to me. She still plays house, school and dolls with her little sister. IMO, telling her about sex is going to take some innocence away from her. But, am I sheltering her too much?

She knows about periods and body hair development. She already has little breats "bumps" (as she likes to call "em).

Agghhh..I really thought I had until she was 12 to have this talk like my mother did.

What is everyone's opinion?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 2:22am
We agree. Thing is that I am all for creativity and selfexpression and unlike Sabina, I don't mind if my kid sticks out a bit from the crowd. But I still have limits on her and I do not think that limits in any way hinder creativity. If anything, it may be the opposite.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2006
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 2:33am

ITA.

When I was growing up my mom gave me pretty free reign. I did the whole Nirvana grunge look in middle school. Did the vintage look in early high school. Wore a lot of things she found pretty ugly....

But she did have some standards I couldn't cross. If I was looking ugly as a kid, she was ok with it as long as I dressed appropriately for church and family things. But as far as sexuality went...she was more strict. In high school I could wear a mini skirt, but not with high heels and a half shirt. It was all about balance in terms of sexuality. Lower cut top meant jeans and regular shoes. Things along those lines.

I always felt like those limits were fair. I think trying to make your kid blend in isnt a smart approach. Lots of pre-teen girls DONT want to blend in, but for reasons other than looking "hot".

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2006
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 2:47am

Just wanted to chime in a little late...

I agree with posters regarding lots of small talks....

My only disagreement is waiting for your child to ask. I was a super shy kid in regard to sexual things and never asked my mom anything. Over the years she had to approach me with topics.

Obviously you know your dd better than anyone so maybe this doesnt apply at all. I just know in my case sometimes kids are wondering long before they ask. And some never will ask.

As for the only chubby girls get early periods thing...not true in my case. I was small, very skinny, fairly athletic and got my period at age 10. I also developed really quickly after that. I think I made it through two periods without using tampons.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 5:58am
Those are the weirdest looking shoes I have ever seen.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 8:49am

I know, my friend was on that show.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 8:56am

I was talking teens with her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 10:03am
Then we disagree. I really can't imagine giving a 12yo blush and lip gloss.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 10:15am

A little light blush and a soft pink gloss is hardly sexual.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 10:21am
Some are a bit out there, but the ones I specified are utterly classic. Personally, I hate wearing heels, but the shoes are really quite tame. If I were to buy high-end shoes (I don't), there are other designers I like better than Blahnik.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 10:27am
I would never do that, for all kinds of reason. Your mother putting blush on you when you were 7 may explain why you feel about it as you do.

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