Advice: The big "talk"

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Advice: The big "talk"
1221
Sun, 02-18-2007 - 7:28am

Okay, I need advice on when people started or will start to have the big "talk" with their kids.

My oldest is going to be 9 next week. I have some friends telling me they already had this talk with their children at this age. She just seems so young to me. She still plays house, school and dolls with her little sister. IMO, telling her about sex is going to take some innocence away from her. But, am I sheltering her too much?

She knows about periods and body hair development. She already has little breats "bumps" (as she likes to call "em).

Agghhh..I really thought I had until she was 12 to have this talk like my mother did.

What is everyone's opinion?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 10:32am

No, that has nothing to do with it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 10:59am

I would neither paint my kid's face nor pinch her cheeks. If a kid is pale, she is pale, big deal. I would much prefer a pale kid to telling my 7yo that she is deficient in the looks department.

Nor do I get this idea of girls being girls and liking to play with make-up. I am sure some like it, like the girl in dd's class who yearns to be a beautician one day. Many other girls are not particularly interested in this stuff as far as I can see. Either way, I would not help a 12yo get a hold of make-up or otherwise communicate that this was something she should be interested in. The idea is downright repulsive to me. Obviously you feel differently or else you are just trying to rile the masses for fun.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 11:04am
I thought we were still talking about preteens. But, since you mention it, I disagree with 11- or 12-year-olds being allowed to use a little lip gloss and blush. I don't think preteens should be encouraged to fret about changing their natural appearance or even to focus on it at all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 11:05am
No, I just feel you are overreacting a tad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 11:12am

So you hated wearing make-up as a child, yet your mother painted your cheeks to make you look healthy? I am getting confused here.

My dd is 14. Her classmate is not a little girl. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a beautician, I was just explaining.

I do think it is wrong to paint children. I would not encourage dd to use make-up at any age. We do not forbid it, but nor do we buy it for her, for example.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 11:14am

My mom wears mascara only when she goes out. I begged her to be able to wear makeup when I was in 7th grade (age 12). I now wear makeup maybe 10 times a year, if that. I think many 12yo want to wear makeup independent of parental encouragement to do so.

What I found absolutely disgusting was when a mother of a girl I went to jr. high with scolded her daughter for not wearing makeup. We were in 9th grade and doing a Medieval Fair as part of our history and English classes. We all dressed up and were having our pictures taken. The girl's mom totally chewed her out for not wearing any makeup. The girl was also involved in numerous beauty pagents.



iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 11:20am

So you hated wearing make-up as a child, yet your mother painted your cheeks to make you look healthy? I am getting confused here.


It was kids rouge and it was only put on me when we went out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 11:25am
As I said, I have not forbidden it. If dd had some overwhelming desire to wear make-up, I would probably tell her to hold off a bit if she were only 12, or make some kind of compromise. Now that she is 14, she can pretty much do as she pleases (as long as she stays within reason, which she does), but I will not encourage it or buy the stuff for her. Sometimes she wears a little eyeliner. My role is simply to remind her that if she puts it on, she must also remove it at some point, unless she wants to walk around with black goob smeared all over her face.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 11:27am
You don't get it and I don't think there is anything I can say to make you see my POV. That is ok. Dd seems to have quite a lot of fun. She even wears make-up sometimes and silly clothes too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 11:28am
In your post though, you made it seem like the only reason that a 12yo would be interested in wearing makeup would be parental pressure or encouragement to do so. Perhaps it's a cultural difference, but most middle school students here seem to want to or to be wearing makeup. And my mom was constantly telling me I had too much makeup on.


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