Advice: The big "talk"

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Advice: The big "talk"
1221
Sun, 02-18-2007 - 7:28am

Okay, I need advice on when people started or will start to have the big "talk" with their kids.

My oldest is going to be 9 next week. I have some friends telling me they already had this talk with their children at this age. She just seems so young to me. She still plays house, school and dolls with her little sister. IMO, telling her about sex is going to take some innocence away from her. But, am I sheltering her too much?

She knows about periods and body hair development. She already has little breats "bumps" (as she likes to call "em).

Agghhh..I really thought I had until she was 12 to have this talk like my mother did.

What is everyone's opinion?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 1:51pm
ITA; strictly JonBenet as far as I'm concerned.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 2:00pm

To be fair though, people might say the same thing about those who dress ultra-conservative. I tend to cringe when I see the *mom* look that is so predominant in my world. Where women get the idea that Lee jeans are flattering, I will never know.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 2:02pm

My son wore a blue cape and power ranger gloves every time we went out for almost a whole summer when he was three. I loved it!

Every once in awhile my dd comes downstairs for school dressed in some carefully planned ensemble that involves an interesting hairdo and even more interesting fashion combinations. I think it is a wonderful way to express creativity. I'd rather she do that than be a sheep in abercrombie clothing, lol.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 2:04pm
I don't find it sad, for a grownup; just a little weak, as if there were some sort of problem with self-worth. What I do find sad is the idea of modeling that for one's kids and encouraging them to think of themselves as "less than" without their war paint on. The idea that they're always on display and have to enhance their appearance. Blech! And for preteens? Double blech!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 2:04pm
I think the "look fine the way you are" message is good as long as it isn't overstated. By overstated I mean, "you look fine the way you are and therefore should never wear makeup- which makes you look the way you aren't". It sounds so odd but it was a pretty common sentiment in the hippy-ish community in which I was raised (it is far less hippy-ish now, as is everywhere). I know you remember this: the transition from 60's eyeliner mod to 70's natural. The "you look good as you are, don't mess that up with unnatural makeup" took on the weight of ideology and I sometimes wore makeup not to look rebelliously sexual but rather to look rebelliously unnatural. The 80's trashed that ideology nicely so I doubt it's held in whole communities anymore. But I vehemently disagree with it even if it is largely dead (I'm glad it's largely dead).
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 2:04pm

I would totally wear those. Unfortunately I cant wrap my brain around paying that much for shoes, lol.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 2:08pm

It reminds me a lot of the punk clothing from when I was a teen in the early 80's. I would wear a mens sport coat, mini skirt, ripped fishnets and heavy boots, along with a black streak in my hair, black lipstick and safety pins for earrings.

Which, lol, explains why I dont say too much about my dd's fashion choices! I have no room to talk....

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 2:20pm
I do find it interesting how that look has hung on for 25 years. It never went mainstream but it never went away either. The look that is most anachronistic (IMO) is the jean jacket covered with band pins...for bands that haven't been together since 1985. I look at a 17yo wearing a jean jacket with pins for Black Flag, The Misfits etc. and I wonder "did the pins come with the jacket? Or does he actually listen to those bands?"
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2006
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 2:36pm
My mom didn't even have to lay down rules. If I came out dressed in something she didn't really approve of, she'd make me look in the mirror and say, "Do you *really* want to wear that?" I usually decided against it on my own. LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 2:39pm

I think it's better to tell kids they look okay just the way they are than to try to get them to conform to some ideal of beauty. After all, they're only kids


Who said any different?

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