Advice: The big "talk"

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Advice: The big "talk"
1221
Sun, 02-18-2007 - 7:28am

Okay, I need advice on when people started or will start to have the big "talk" with their kids.

My oldest is going to be 9 next week. I have some friends telling me they already had this talk with their children at this age. She just seems so young to me. She still plays house, school and dolls with her little sister. IMO, telling her about sex is going to take some innocence away from her. But, am I sheltering her too much?

She knows about periods and body hair development. She already has little breats "bumps" (as she likes to call "em).

Agghhh..I really thought I had until she was 12 to have this talk like my mother did.

What is everyone's opinion?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 3:50pm
I venture to say that there's not a person who posts regularly on this board who would think I look better in the morning before I've put on my makeup than after.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2006
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 3:51pm

I think girls who show no interest should be left alone.

But I think stifling a 12 year old's natural curiousity about anything associated with being a "woman" will backfire.

Maybe it is sexual to wear lip gloss, but you know what? At 12-13 some girls are beginning to discover their sexuality a little bit. I dont think its wrong to indulge a girl's budding interest in herself and how she presents herself to the world. I think the parents' job is to rein it in to keep it appropriate (not a full face of makeup) but not to kill it all together. Because then you get girls in 7th grade loading on black eyeliner and tons of foundation in the bathroom at school in the morning. All while their mothers crow about how they're protecting their daughters from "needing" to wear makeup.

Besides, the reality is that society DOES judge women way more harshly than it does men in terms of appearance. Instead of making my future daughters resent the attention or be fearful of it and ashameed to stand out, I want to help them grow into confident young women who feel like they are appropriately and well turned out.

You live in New England right? I have a feeling its a little more laid back there then where I live. Between NYC chic being right across the river, and the legacy of the 80's Jersey girl look, I think girls here are more prone to being interesetd in their appearance at a young age. I work in an office with 25 other women and theres ONE who doesnt wear at least a little makeup.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 3:52pm
You don't care if you look washed out, ie sick or tired, rather than naturally pale?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2006
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 3:56pm

I dont inspect my face or compare it to an external standard.

But I know when I look my best and when I dont. I like looking my best. If throwing on a little blush makes me look less wan and tired, Im all for it. Knowing I look good makes me feel great.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2006
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 3:58pm

There's not a woman alive over the age of 20 who doesnt look better with at least a little makeup.

Anyone who tries to claim otherwise is kidding herself. Seriously kidding herself. Lol.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 3:58pm
OMG, it's hard to believe it's 2007.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2006
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 4:00pm
Eh, not me. I'm naturally stunning.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 4:00pm
Maybe so, but you have to hope there might be a couple who, because of who you are, would have the good grace not to give a hang what you look like.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2006
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 4:01pm

Mmmhmmmm.....

:-)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 4:03pm

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I agree with that, but there's a difference between letting them play with makeup for a gathering on the weekend, say, versus letting them wear makeup to school on a daily basis.

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Are those the only alternatives? What about helping our dd's not give a hoot about the focus on feminine appearance or standing out? I'd say that's a good way to grow into a confident young women who feels appropriately put together. Sort of like the boys, but girlier.

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