Advice: The big "talk"

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Advice: The big "talk"
1221
Sun, 02-18-2007 - 7:28am

Okay, I need advice on when people started or will start to have the big "talk" with their kids.

My oldest is going to be 9 next week. I have some friends telling me they already had this talk with their children at this age. She just seems so young to me. She still plays house, school and dolls with her little sister. IMO, telling her about sex is going to take some innocence away from her. But, am I sheltering her too much?

She knows about periods and body hair development. She already has little breats "bumps" (as she likes to call "em).

Agghhh..I really thought I had until she was 12 to have this talk like my mother did.

What is everyone's opinion?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 4:32pm
...but rather, health, fitness, a positive outlook.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2006
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 4:32pm

I guess we just have different opinions on when the appropriate age is to start.

I was playing with makeup at around 10. Wearing a little bit of mascara or flavored lipgloss to school at 12.

I think its healthy for a young woman to "not give a hoot" in the sense that its not something thats important to her. Not something she obsesses over or gives a lot of thought to. I think teaching her (if she is exhibiting an interest) how to wear makeup when to wear it, etc. normalizes it so its not this unhealthy obsession.

My mom explained what colors I should wear, why, what kinds of makeup I should skip, why one look is ok for a dance but not ok for school every day, etc. There was no mystery for me and there was no secret lipstick that I wasnt allowed to wear at home but wore at school every day. It was already explained that garish red wouldnt look good on me. KWIM?

I think tarting up a 7 year old to put them in a beauty pageant in a sexy gown and heels is disgusting and warped. I just cant bring myself to exhibit the same amount of shock and horror some posters seems to be exhibiting about allowing a 12 year old to wear lipgloss.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 4:32pm
My dh only looks at his face to shave it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 4:33pm

I am always blown away when I see women my age (or often younger!) dressing like that. I mean, I guess if they like it more power to 'em, lol. Its just a bit too matronly for me-and I'm almost 42. I like my seven jeans, silky print blouses and stiletto boots!!

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 4:35pm

But makeup skillfully and sparingly applied can make a woman look younger than her years.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 4:36pm

As you are very well aware I am sure, social class in the US and Europe are quite different


Exactly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 4:36pm

But by forbiding makeup at school at 12, aren't you doing the opposite? You are basically putting an emphasis on appearance similar to the emphasis placed by moms who require their DDs to wear makeup at 12. Neither of which leads to a healthy development or confidence wrt appearance.

Of course, I'm speaking as someone who is not very concerned with her appearance, but wore makeup to school most days at 12.



iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2006
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 4:38pm

Definately not surprising. IRL the people I know who rail against makeup actually probably need it the most.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 4:38pm
No, it is not. Think for a minute. What people consider attractive is extremely connected to time and place. A few things appear to be universally considered attractive, among them the ratio between hip and waist measurements on a woman, regular symmetrical features, clear skin etc. However, I do not believe that there is a particular type of face paint that is considered universally attractive.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 4:38pm
LOL

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