Advice: The big "talk"

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Advice: The big "talk"
1221
Sun, 02-18-2007 - 7:28am

Okay, I need advice on when people started or will start to have the big "talk" with their kids.

My oldest is going to be 9 next week. I have some friends telling me they already had this talk with their children at this age. She just seems so young to me. She still plays house, school and dolls with her little sister. IMO, telling her about sex is going to take some innocence away from her. But, am I sheltering her too much?

She knows about periods and body hair development. She already has little breats "bumps" (as she likes to call "em).

Agghhh..I really thought I had until she was 12 to have this talk like my mother did.

What is everyone's opinion?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 11:10pm
What does understanding a culture have to do with disliking classism?


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 3:31am
That is not what I said nor what I implied. It would worry me if my kid suddenly started hanging with a group that had values and norms I did not agree with, if my kid followed her friends. In a different context I explained that wearing make-up at 12 is something that is not uncommon where I live, but also is associated with a certain class (among other things). However, the class of the person does not worry me, the wearing of make-up by kids is something that would give me pause. However, even then I would not care unless my kid suddenly decided to follow the example of said friend/friends. You are misconstruing what I said. FTR, my kid goes to a public, urban HS and the kids come from all over town. It is probably about as diverse a bunch as you are likely to see here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 3:45am

FTR, I do not mind at all, although geschichtsgal seems to think that I do. My grandpa always told me the story of how his snobby mom had instructed him not to play with the kids in the street (massive class difference in that case) and how he decided to disregard her. As he told me, he never understood what she was so concerned about since they turned out to be "right decent chaps."

The thing is that my grandpa was himself a very decent person and a very secure person. All his life he "played" with every conceivable sort of person, but never compromised his own sense of integrity and of who he was. My dh, btw, is very similar in this regard. However, if I saw that some association was making dd compromise herself in some way, that would be a different matter. It would show that she was lacking balance and security somewhere in her life, so I would want to do something about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 3:50am
Just to be clear, what I am talking about is NOT SES.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 4:07am

How is it classism to observe that class exists? I prefer not to pretend that it does not exist, since it clearly does. That I am willing to observe it, call it by its name and deal with it as a reality do not mean that I consider it something of paramount importance in my life.

In the US, it is common to equate economic status with social class. This habit means that most Americans will maintain that they live in a classless society, just a society in which some people have more money than others. Since it is the land of the free, they argue, anyone can theoretically make a million bucks tomorrow, so the observable differences are chalked up to income differences and not any fixed social mores.

I disagree with this way of looking at it and think it does a disservice to many people. Scratch the surface ever so lightly and there is plenty of social class in the US as well. It is not all about money and I think it is a mistake to think that it is. The behaviors of Britney Spears and of Paris Hilton can equally be chalked up to their low-class upbringing, money is not the issue.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 7:39am

celebrity-dames like BS and PH do not exist,irl..my dds saw BS on the today show the other week and asked why she shaved her head? i just said it was becase of who she is,the celebrity. a hollywood thing.

>>In the US, it is common to equate economic status with social class. This habit<<
not in younger years. if it does,it's parents' attitudes that rub off,not the child.....as time goes on,sure. i believe universally (not just u.s.),we tend to relate ourselves with our own kind. while i'm married to my polar opposite wrt ambition,personality,he and my common denominator is a middle class family.

tbh,i'd like to know where it starts. classism and all. is it human nature to associate more with our own or is it done on purpose? i don't ever want my kids to feel they are *more* of something or *less* of something because of what they have. way too artificial.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2006
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 7:42am

<>

Sure they do. Much as we might occasionally wish it, Britney and Paris are not imaginary. They exist. IRL and everything.

And there are whackjobs out among us, who are not celebrities, who are every bit as screwed up as those two. But, not being celebrities, they don't make the national headlines. Doesn't mean they aren't real. Just means no one cares.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 8:04am
You missed both points. The main point was that I do NOT think of social class as being about what you have. Americans tend to think of it this way. The illustration was BS and PH to show that you get lowclass people among the rich (PH grew up rich) and the poor (BS grew up poor) alike.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 9:01am

The first thing that occurred to me is class differences concerning higher ed.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2007
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 9:11am
That astounds me. Even from you felicia.

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