Advice: The big "talk"

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Advice: The big "talk"
1221
Sun, 02-18-2007 - 7:28am

Okay, I need advice on when people started or will start to have the big "talk" with their kids.

My oldest is going to be 9 next week. I have some friends telling me they already had this talk with their children at this age. She just seems so young to me. She still plays house, school and dolls with her little sister. IMO, telling her about sex is going to take some innocence away from her. But, am I sheltering her too much?

She knows about periods and body hair development. She already has little breats "bumps" (as she likes to call "em).

Agghhh..I really thought I had until she was 12 to have this talk like my mother did.

What is everyone's opinion?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 9:14am

just wow.

if i had to stick up for a favorite movie,it w/b a time to kill. the whole movie was great,but the ending of it was especially great. have you seen it? morgan freeman tells his white attorney (mathew mccaughnehey) that they'll never be friends,that he's from poverty and the sticks while attorney folks like him live in posh,affluent land. at the end of the movie,attorney and his family attend a party at the black family's house.

this is a movie i do allow my kids to watch iwth parental supervision.....one of those life lessons about class separation that really does not need to exist unless you're a bigot.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 9:23am

Whatever you may think of Paris Hilton's behaviour, she's a member of the upper class simply because she was born very wealthy. You are using the adjective "classy" and the noun "class" as though they were synonymous. They are not. A person can exhibit "classy" behaviour regardless of what social/economic class they are in. And I used "social/economic" class as though they were synonymous because in the US they are. A very poor person with impeccable behaviour doesn't get to be called a member of the upper class, even though his behaviour makes him "a classy guy".

In the US, as elsewhere, class is what you are born into. Americans would like to ditch that but haven't truly. So Britney Spears is called wealthy but not a member of the upper class purely because she was born lower middle class. But if she maintains her wealth (it could happen), her kids will be members of the upper class.

How do you think social class happens, after all? It is NOT defined by behaviour anywhere in the world. I'm willing to bet a person born "lower class" can't get people to call them a member of the upper class regardless of how impeccably they behave even in Greece. But perhaps it can be faked if that person behaves in a way that makes it seem they were born into a different class than the one they actually were born into.

It isn't connected purely to wealth everywhere, of course. In many countries it's connected to genetic bloodline- royal blood. Which is also something you have to be born into as surely as you have to born into money to be called upper class in the US. The whole concept of "royal blood" is something Americans have succeeded in ditching which is what I think people really mean when calling America a classless society (which it isn't, because money got substiuted for genetics). But the difference is that people can climb class, it just takes more than one generation. People can drop class too. This isn't particularly well documented (the way that the class climbing stories are) but an awareness of its possibility must be out there or malls in middle class areas wouldn't have sales kiosks devoted to documenting the theoretical upper class European origins of one's last name.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 9:23am

greek culture is huge in the south....but in other areas,i think it lives up to a stereotype. my bf is on the npc for her sorority. every year during rush,it drives her absolutely crazy because they must compete with the big girls. it's very politcal there - all about who you are and what you look like,behind kissing and hugs,and how much daddy makes. lol.




Edited 3/1/2007 9:33 am ET by egd3blessed

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 9:45am
What will you do if one of your children actually DOES befriend such a child? Forbid them from spending time with each other outside of school?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 9:46am
Although dicey in parts, that movie does have good life lessons.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 9:53am

Yes, I did say that some of us think daily makeup amounts to an obsession, because that's my opinion.

<< My statement replied to the idea that its unhealthy to wear makeup every day. I dont think thats true. I honestly spend under 5 minutes putting on makeup. Im dont see how that in and of itself can amount to an "unhealthy obsession".>>

I didn't say it's always unhealthy to wear makeup every day. I said that some of us think so. Clearly, you disagree.

<>

I agree that a pubescent girl who is dying to wear makeup might be allowed some lip gloss for special occasions. There's some distance between allowing some experimentation versus shutting her out. But curiosity alone doesn't always cut much ice with me. A 10- or 12-year-old might be curious as heck about what it's like to go out on a date with a boy, but that doesn't mean I'm going to let her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2006
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 9:55am
It's Samuel L Jackson, not Morgan Freeman. (I only know because we watched that movie on tv like 2 days ago... LOL)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 9:56am
Men aren't exempt from judgement on or obsession with their looks. This doesn't involve makeup because they aren't SUPPOSED to want to look feminine and beautiful. They are supposed to look virile. Which means they are supposed to look as though they can grow lots of hair. Why do you think so many men shave their heads entirely when they've lost a lot of hair? Shaving is a conscious choice so they (hope to) send a message to the world that their hair-growing abilities are intact but they've chosen to hide that with shaving for fashion reasons. It's almost comical how many men will shave dome-headed rather than have a little ring of thin hair. As though the world would think they have made a choiuce between a full head and a shaven head rather than a wan ring and a shaven head. But bless them, they are just responding to looks judgement as surely as any woman who adds a little color to make it seem as though her blood is circulating more briskly than it actually is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2006
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 9:58am
Er. Wrong Greek culture, I'm pretty sure.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2006
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 9:59am
You have got to be joking me.

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