Are you on time? Are your kids?

Avatar for jamblessedthree
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Registered: 10-23-2001
Are you on time? Are your kids?
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Mon, 04-22-2013 - 5:49pm

Do you arrive for work, doctor appointments, social events, etc on time?  What events (if any) warrant being early for?  Is there anything you purposely show up late for?  Explain. 

How about your kids? 

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 04-24-2013 - 10:36am

<<It tuly goes to the heart of the sahm/wohm debate. ;)   At work, you're judged on your merits, and some on appearance, depending on the job.  Probably your field of employment.  At "home," the superficial slips in.  Being thin, pretty and having a "just smile" motto can help.  Some days I can't believe the life I'm living.>>

I can't imagine judging someone on their looks.


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 04-24-2013 - 10:36am

jamblessedthree wrote:
<p>I get invites from LinkedIn but I don't have an account there either, I save them and figure one of these years they may come in handy.</p>

I think they expire or at least the emails that I receive say they expire.

PumpkinAngel

Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Wed, 04-24-2013 - 10:57am
Beauty is more than looks, Besides YOU are attractive, bea and from pics you look very approachable and friendly too. I have a pretty diverse circle of friends but I have an esp close bond with fellow soccer moms. Interestingly enough it used to not be that way, Lol. When DS first started here they were just a group of strangers whose kids all went to the catholic school, I'd even say they appeared stand off-ish but that quickly diminished the more I got to know them. They really are a great group of ladies and our kids are buddies. We've gotten together outside just soccer too. Looks might be an advantage but beauty on the inside matters more than the outside.

 

 

Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Wed, 04-24-2013 - 11:02am

thardy2001 wrote:
<p><blockquote class="quote-msg quote-nest-1 odd"><div class="quote-author"><em class="placeholder">reginageorge2005</em> wrote:</div>&lt;p&gt;I stay b/c my kid has life threatening allergies and your average mom running a bday party for 20 preschoolers doesn't really want to be responsible for managing itty bitty's health condition. Generally speaking, when I call to RSVP, I mention that she'll bring her own cupcake and ask if they're comfortable w/the epi pen administration<strong> or would they like for me to stay.</strong> FTF for her bday party last year--the invitations were addressed to her friends, their invited siblings &amp;amp; their mothers. So that it was clear that they were all invited.&lt;/p&gt;</blockquote></p><p>I'm glad you give them the option.  Earlier, it sounded like you were staying with your daughter even if no other parents were there.  Really, I've learned one thing from being a sahm among conservative sahms these years ~ it's better not to stand out if you don't have to.  There would be gossip and complaints if the mom hosting the party was not one of your besties.  That's <em>here</em>.  Hopefully you live among less uptight busybodies who never gossip. ;) </p><p>And if I had 20+ kids running around and 1 mom, I'd be put out.  I'd feel I have to entertain you, chat, feed you.  Also, I'd be kind of insulted as my house is very clean.  We've had many children here with peanut allergies and no one has had a problem. </p>

20 is a pretty average class size, I've not gotten that many nor have I seen my kids attend ones that large but I know what you mean about additional company, I plan for more rather than less b/c there are many that just show up too without rsvp-ing all together.  A clean house is the last of my worries when I'm hosting, Kids don't care and another mom's hand can help you clean up afterwards, Lol. 

 

 

Avatar for BeaArthurisMyReligion
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Registered: 02-20-2013
Wed, 04-24-2013 - 11:05am

well thank you Jams!  I agree about how moms one first thinks are stand offish actually become friendly .. I wouldn't say I hang out with more than 2 or 3 other moms outside of school things but I do appreciate the friendly faces at school events and the 'come sit with us' waves... and love that that extends to my wife too (who lets face it is the real rockstar of the fmaily, people seem dissappointed when she's not there LOL)... I do feel a bond with a few moms at dance b/c lets face it after nearly 10 years on those hard metal chairs its impossible not to feel a connection with the moms who've been there with you the whole time! 

I think my point was rather that I do wonder if i was more conventionally attractive (thin, long hair, more feminine) if I would feel more comfortable or less in these situations...you know?  I do understand what thardy was talking about, i've never experienced it b/c i'm on the odd ball side, but I have seen it and witnessed it and  ... and I can see how limiting that must feel ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2013
Wed, 04-24-2013 - 11:07am

thardy2001 wrote:
<p><blockquote class="quote-msg quote-nest-1 odd"><div class="quote-author"><em class="placeholder">lauren1063</em> wrote:</div>&lt;p&gt;&lt;blockquote class="quote-msg quote-nest-1 odd"&gt;&lt;div class="quote-author"&gt;&lt;em class="placeholder"&gt;thardy2001&lt;/em&gt; wrote:&lt;/div&gt;&amp;lt;p&amp;gt;&amp;lt;blockquote class="quote-msg quote-nest-1 odd"&amp;gt;&amp;lt;div class="quote-author"&amp;gt;&amp;lt;em class="placeholder"&amp;gt;lauren1063&amp;lt;/em&amp;gt; wrote:&amp;lt;/div&amp;gt;  My experience has been that when a child has special needs, the parents welcome (in my case,demand) the presence of that child's parent, regardless of whether other parents are staying.  It takes a huge load off of their shoulders.  &amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;gt;&amp;lt;/blockquote&amp;gt;&amp;lt;/p&amp;gt;&amp;lt;p&amp;gt;That's different.  We always invite the autism group to son's parties because his grade has had the pleasure of spending lots of time with the gang.  In K and 1st, they all combine for morning meetings to go over the date, weather, numbers, spelling, etc.  I've been in the classroom for some of those.  Great kids.&amp;lt;/p&amp;gt;&lt;/blockquote&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;But how does my child supposedly needing a parent along (he really didn't...although I did serve as a handy means of escape) differ from Regina George's child needing a parent along to deal with potential medical crises?  Wouldn't it be preferable to have a parent along in the event that the child needed emergency attention?&lt;/p&gt;</blockquote></p><p>I would welcome your staying because, I like you, lol, and because I don't know how to handle your son's disability.  Kids in school grow up knowing all about peanut allergies, the parents hear about the special table in the lunchroom and how fun it is if the child with the peanut allergy invites you to eat with him/her.  Every year or so, literature comes home from the school about peanut allergies.  So for some parent to say to me that his kid has a tree nut allergy, here's what it is and what we do, is fine.  Go home.  But if that parent thinks my house is awash in tree nut oils, that's insulting.  If the parent thinks I can't understand a 3 minute tutorial on tree nut allergies, that's insulting.  I don't envy Regina's position.  </p>

You've just illustrated that you really don't understand by your post. So thank you for demonstrating why I stay. She has yet to have a life threatening reaction to peanuts. So all the fuss you've made about peanuts is totally misguided. If she accidently ingests peanuts--benadryl can handle that. Ditto dairy. Her life threatening allergy to tree nuts & latex, OTOH, benadryl can't handle. The latex allergy means she's allergic to balloons. And some protective gloves that people wear for sanitary reasons. Now, since she brings her own snack, that shouldn't be a problem. But lets say someone puts on latex gloves and starts passing out pretzels (a generally safe treat). Eating those pretzels could kill her. And to date, her anaphylaxis starts w/projectile vomiting and goes downhill from there. And she's a total needle phobe so you'd have to jam a huge a$$ needle into her vomiting, coughing, likely hysterical & wiggly little body--then call 911 and me. Do you want to be solely responsible for THAT while you're watching 20 other little kids and trying to enjoy your kid's bday? I don't personally know any parents who do. And it's not like I don't know the parents who are having these bday parties. No one has to "entertain" me. I'm in grad school--I generally sit in a corner and keep an eye on lil bit while perusing school work. I have yet to meet the mother who didn't appreciate the extra set of eyes and the security of knowing that if something happened, Mom was there to handle it.

On Wednesdays we wear pink.

Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Wed, 04-24-2013 - 11:10am
A bond with other dance moms doesn't surprise me. :) I wish I could feel the same about the booster group and group of other kids' moms my kid dances with but I don't, I swear the tension there is a lot like the show Dance Moms and it drives me crazy sometimes!

 


 


Avatar for BeaArthurisMyReligion
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2013
Wed, 04-24-2013 - 11:14am

oh dont' get me wrong we have a lot of those dance moms at our studio too, but I think the fact that my daughter is more focused on theater and uses her dance to augment that makes her less of a 'threat' in the dance world -- she's not on the competition team which seems to be where the true pettiness arises...and honestly I think the fact that my daughter is so sunny and upbeat and friendly has kind of endeared her to alot of moms.  When she was moved up to "pointe" this december one of the other moms said to me "I think im' happier for your daughter than I was for my own!"   so while i know 'those' moms are there,  I have, after 10 years, found my own little tribe of moms to hang out with and I just ignore the others...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2002
Wed, 04-24-2013 - 11:16am

reginageorge2005 wrote:
  I would welcome your staying because, I like you, lol, and because I don't know how to handle your son's disability.  Kids in school grow up knowing all about peanut allergies, the parents hear about the special table in the lunchroom and how fun it is if the child with the peanut allergy invites you to eat with him/her.  Every year or so, literature comes home from the school about peanut allergies.  So for some parent to say to me that his kid has a tree nut allergy, here's what it is and what we do, is fine.  Go home.  But if that parent thinks my house is awash in tree nut oils, that's insulting.  If the parent thinks I can't understand a 3 minute tutorial on tree nut allergies, that's insulting.  I don't envy Regina's position.  &lt;/p&gt;</blockquote></p><p>You've just illustrated that you really don't understand by your post. So thank you for demonstrating why I stay. She has yet to have a life threatening reaction to peanuts. So all the fuss you've made about peanuts is totally misguided. If she accidently ingests peanuts--benadryl can handle that. Ditto dairy. Her life threatening allergy to tree nuts &amp; latex, OTOH, benadryl can't handle. The latex allergy means she's allergic to balloons. And some protective gloves that people wear for sanitary reasons. Now, since she brings her own snack, that shouldn't be a problem. But lets say someone puts on latex gloves and starts passing out pretzels (a generally safe treat). Eating those pretzels could kill her. And to date, her anaphylaxis starts w/projectile vomiting and goes downhill from there. And she's a total needle phobe so you'd have to jam a huge a$$ needle into her vomiting, coughing, likely hysterical &amp; wiggly little body--then call 911 and me. Do you want to be solely responsible for THAT while you're watching 20 other little kids and trying to enjoy your kid's bday? I don't personally know any parents who do. And it's not like I don't know the parents who are having these bday parties. No one has to "entertain" me. I'm in grad school--I generally sit in a corner and keep an eye on lil bit while perusing school work. I have yet to meet the mother who didn't appreciate the extra set of eyes and the security of knowing that if something happened, Mom was there to handle it.</p>

That's why I said this - So for some parent to say to me that his kid has a tree nut allergy, here's what it is and what we do, is fine.  Go home.  But if that parent thinks my house is awash in tree nut oils, that's insulting.  If the parent thinks I can't understand a 3 minute tutorial on tree nut allergies, that's insulting. 

And that's why I think this - I don't envy Regina's position.

And especially now that you've increased her allergies from tree nuts to everything under the sun, yes, I would keep that child at her age home from parties.  It's delinquent not to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2013
Wed, 04-24-2013 - 11:17am

thardy2001 wrote:
<p><blockquote class="quote-msg quote-nest-1 odd"><div class="quote-author"><em class="placeholder">BeaArthurisMyReligion</em> wrote:</div>&lt;p&gt;' it's better not to stand out if you don't have to"&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;that was one rule I was never able to figure out... even trying not to stand out I stand out b/c of my freakish height... things are uch easier now that the girl is older though.. the parents all seem like they've relaxed alot... I know I have.. or at least I've tried to.. &lt;/p&gt;</blockquote></p><p>It tuly goes to the heart of the sahm/wohm debate. ;)   At work, you're judged on your merits, and some on appearance, depending on the job.  Probably your field of employment.  At "home," the superficial slips in.  Being thin, pretty and having a "just smile" motto can help.  Some days I can't believe the life I'm living.</p>

IME, being thin didn't help. Being the only mom in a bikini at the pool did not win me any friends. Well, at least not any mom friends. The dads were plenty friendly...

I am not the sort of person who "blends in." And I don't try. What I lack in stature, I make up for in personality. I have a BIG personality. Like Bea, I have a reputation for being "funny" both because I'm incredibly self-depricating and because I tend to say outloud what everyone else is thinking. I also don't care if people like me or not. I am comfortable with who I am. And any mother who resents me for trying to keep my kid safe at a bday party is NOT someone I want to be "friends" with anyway. 

RE: the Linked In pic--it's a pretty picture. And while I love Bea more than she knows for her kind words, I am not photogenic at all. So when I take a pic in which I think I look good, it's a MILF pic. 

On Wednesdays we wear pink.

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