Beautiful Saturday

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2013
Beautiful Saturday
940
Sat, 03-08-2014 - 4:31pm

1. Has your weekend been busy or relaxing?

2. How often do you dust?

3. Are you excited for March Madness?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2013
Sun, 03-16-2014 - 12:49pm

I know a 19 year old girl whose parents put her out upon her 18th birthday. She tried the military, but she was discharged due to health reasons. She's completely on her own. She works at McDonald's.

She sleeps on our couch about three nights per week so that she can take a break from the homeless shelter. She spends her days off here, too. 

She doesn't have a baby to worry about. Just herself. And try as she might, she cannot be completely independent. We've pointed her in the direction of different jobs, helped her write a resumes and taught her how to craft thoughtful cover letters. She hasn't gotten any of them, but it's not like it would matter much if she did--$1 or $2 more an hour isn't going to magically put her into some financially independent zone.

I wish I lived in the world where life was so simple that following a set of rules would consistently promise success.

You work TWO jobs, THREE jobs. There is NO excuse. It is nice you would like to help her but you are ENABLING her not to help herself. As hard as it sounds, sometimes you just need to use tough love. They have to learn on their own but if they know they have something to fall back on, they will never help themselves.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Sun, 03-16-2014 - 1:05pm

blackandwhitemolly wrote:
<p style="font-size:13px">I know a 19 year old girl whose parents put her out upon her 18th birthday. She tried the military, but she was discharged due to health reasons. She's completely on her own. She works at McDonald's.</p><p style="font-size:13px">She sleeps on our couch about three nights per week so that she can take a break from the homeless shelter. She spends her days off here, too. </p><p style="font-size:13px">She doesn't have a baby to worry about. Just herself. And try as she might, she cannot be completely independent. We've pointed her in the direction of different jobs, helped her write a resumes and taught her how to craft thoughtful cover letters. She hasn't gotten any of them, but it's not like it would matter much if she did--$1 or $2 more an hour isn't going to magically put her into some financially independent zone.</p><p style="font-size:13px">I wish I lived in the world where life was so simple that following a set of rules would consistently promise success.</p><p style="font-size:13px"><strong>You work TWO jobs, THREE jobs. There is NO excuse. It is nice you would like to help her but you are ENABLING her not to help herself. As hard as it sounds, sometimes you just need to use tough love. They have to learn on their own but if they know they have something to fall back on, they will never help themselve</strong>s.</p><p style="font-size:13px"></p><p style="font-size:13px"></p>
.  That is both cold and clueless.  Shame on you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2011
Sun, 03-16-2014 - 1:55pm

I think it's safe to say that the economic climate that existed the 20-some odd years ago when your husband was 21 is far different than that of today. 

I have no idea what your other post about having three babies and getting a man to marry you meant, sorry. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2011
Sun, 03-16-2014 - 2:02pm

My 21 year old stepson has two jobs. He still cannot afford to live independently and would most definitely struggle to care for dependents. He's been in the National Guard for four years and is in a management training program at a restaurant. He has advantages that a lot of kids his age lack, like health insurance through his parents/Guard, his own (paid-for) car, and the GI Bill to pay for school expenses. 

Frankly, I think you're way far too out of touch with the strugges that young people face today to really understand.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2013
Sun, 03-16-2014 - 3:53pm
    blackandwhitemolly wrote:
    <p style="font-size:13px">I know a 19 year old girl whose parents put her out upon her 18th birthday. She tried the military, but she was discharged due to health reasons. She's completely on her own. She works at McDonald's.</p><p style="font-size:13px">She sleeps on our couch about three nights per week so that she can take a break from the homeless shelter. She spends her days off here, too. </p><p style="font-size:13px">She doesn't have a baby to worry about. Just herself. And try as she might, she cannot be completely independent. We've pointed her in the direction of different jobs, helped her write a resumes and taught her how to craft thoughtful cover letters. She hasn't gotten any of them, but it's not like it would matter much if she did--$1 or $2 more an hour isn't going to magically put her into some financially independent zone.</p><p style="font-size:13px">I wish I lived in the world where life was so simple that following a set of rules would consistently promise success.</p><p style="font-size:13px"><strong>You work TWO jobs, THREE jobs. There is NO excuse. It is nice you would like to help her but you are ENABLING her not to help herself. As hard as it sounds, sometimes you just need to use tough love. They have to learn on their own but if they know they have something to fall back on, they will never help themselve</strong>s.</p><p style="font-size:13px"></p><p style="font-size:13px"></p>
    .  That is both cold and clueless.  Shame on you.
    No it is not, it is reality. When my dd had to go to a sitter in Kindergarten, my dh got a 2nd job without hesitation. He has done that a few times when extra money was needed. Kids want the easy way out. Years ago we all just did what we had to. Now parents and other people who know them enable them to be lazy. No one helped us in finding a job. We just went out and found one. If you hold their hands, they will never grow up and take care of themselves.

    iVillage Member
    Registered: 12-22-2013
    Sun, 03-16-2014 - 3:54pm

    The 3 pregnancies was not to you Marla.

    No, it was not different. He knew what he had to do and no one held his hand. 

    iVillage Member
    Registered: 12-22-2013
    Sun, 03-16-2014 - 3:58pm

      My 21 year old stepson has two jobs. He still cannot afford to live independently and would most definitely struggle to care for dependents. He's been in the National Guard for four years and is in a management training program at a restaurant. He has advantages that a lot of kids his age lack, like health insurance through his parents/Guard, his own (paid-for) car, and the GI Bill to pay for school expenses. 

      Frankly, I think you're way far too out of touch with the strugges that young people face today to really understand.

      I am not out of touch. I know parents hold their kids hands enough that they dont try to get by. At 19 I had a full time job with benefits, engaged to be married. At 21 I was married, living in my fully furnished apt. My dh and I both had cars and a year after we were married, we bought a brand new truck. 

      If you take the right path in life and not rush things, you CAN be young and live a good life. I owned a home by the time I was 25 and waited 5 years for a child. 

      iVillage Member
      Registered: 01-08-2009
      Sun, 03-16-2014 - 4:00pm

      blackandwhitemolly wrote:
      <div style="color:#111111; font-family:Arial, Helvetica, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size:13px; font-style:normal; font-variant:normal; font-weight:normal; text-align:left; text-indent:0px; text-transform:none; background-color:#ffffff"><div><ul></ul></div></div><div style="border-bottom-color:#cccccc; border-bottom-width:1px; border-bottom-style:solid; color:#111111; font-family:Arial, Helvetica, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size:13px; font-style:normal; font-variant:normal; font-weight:normal; text-align:left; text-indent:0px; text-transform:none; background-color:#ffffff"><div><div><div><blockquote><div style="font-weight:bold"><em>blackandwhitemolly</em> wrote:</div>&lt;p style="font-size:13px"&gt;I know a 19 year old girl whose parents put her out upon her 18th birthday. She tried the military, but she was discharged due to health reasons. She's completely on her own. She works at McDonald's.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p style="font-size:13px"&gt;She sleeps on our couch about three nights per week so that she can take a break from the homeless shelter. She spends her days off here, too. &lt;/p&gt;&lt;p style="font-size:13px"&gt;She doesn't have a baby to worry about. Just herself. And try as she might, she cannot be completely independent. We've pointed her in the direction of different jobs, helped her write a resumes and taught her how to craft thoughtful cover letters. She hasn't gotten any of them, but it's not like it would matter much if she did--$1 or $2 more an hour isn't going to magically put her into some financially independent zone.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p style="font-size:13px"&gt;I wish I lived in the world where life was so simple that following a set of rules would consistently promise success.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p style="font-size:13px"&gt;&lt;strong&gt;You work TWO jobs, THREE jobs. There is NO excuse. It is nice you would like to help her but you are ENABLING her not to help herself. As hard as it sounds, sometimes you just need to use tough love. They have to learn on their own but if they know they have something to fall back on, they will never help themselve&lt;/strong&gt;s.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p style="font-size:13px"&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p style="font-size:13px"&gt;&lt;/p&gt;</blockquote><div>.  That is both cold and clueless.  Shame on you.</div><div></div><div>No it is not, it is reality. When my dd had to go to a sitter in Kindergarten, my dh got a 2nd job without hesitation. He has done that a few times when extra money was needed. Kids want the easy way out. Years ago we all just did what we had to. Now parents and other people who know them enable them to be lazy. No one helped us in finding a job. We just went out and found one. If you hold their hands, they will never grow up and take care of themselves.</div></div></div></div></div>
      .  You sound as if you are about 80 years old.

      iVillage Member
      Registered: 12-22-2013
      Sun, 03-16-2014 - 4:02pm

      .  You sound as if you are about 80 years old.

      I know how kids are being raised and I am sooo against the way parents do so much for them that they are enabling them to become adults and to be able to take care of themselves.

      iVillage Member
      Registered: 01-08-2009
      Sun, 03-16-2014 - 4:07pm

      And yet you have spent neatly a decade railing against those of us who have insisted on teaching our kids the skills they will need to become competent adults. Go figure.

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