Calling all teachers and anyone

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Calling all teachers and anyone
36
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 2:50pm
else who cares to comment.

If a teacher tells a parent that her child should be tested for "impulsivity," is that code for "I think your child has ADHD but I can't tell you that directly because you might sue me"?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Sun, 06-01-2003 - 9:15pm
Not sure. A lot of teachers are scared of getting sued these days though. They tend to be careful.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 05-30-2003 - 2:54pm
I think public schools have a serious problem in understanding which children should be mainstreamed. A close friend took care of a little girl who is quadripalegic sp? .. couldn't really eat, speak, move etc, however she has the mental capacity of a normal child. The poor thing was stuck in special ed classes until they fought hard enough to get her into a regular class (with a computer thing that helps her speak) and now she is thriving. So they stick the ones with physical problems and no developmental problems in special ed, but mainstream the ones with no physical problems and plenty developmental ones... (sigh)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 8:51am
ITA.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 8:50am
Jenna:

You hit the nail on the head. She just cannot deal with her son - it would be a black mark against her. Everyone else's kids are to her "unusually mellow," including her sister's two who are about the same age. And she compounds it by just constantly screaming at him. He's a sweet boy, but in my opinion totally out of control. And frankly, I cannot believe that a woman with a 9 year old and a 3 year old is just now hearing about "1 2 3 Magic" by Thomas Phelan. Maybe I'm just more interested in parenting literature? What she doesn't know just blows me away. And it angers me because her kids are suffering for it. But I agree with Beth Ann, it's not worth ruining the friendship, so I'll keep quiet.

Felicia

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Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-26-2003 - 4:02pm
I think many special ed kids benefit from being mainstreamed, but not ALL of them do. Ds has an ESE child in his class. He is a bit "off"but functions well in the classroom most of the time. I think that over the course of his life he will have benefitted from seeing normal behavior modeled most of the time.

But there are some kids that are to far "off" to be successfully mainstreamed. And those children are done a dis-service if their parents don't allow them to be placed in a better environment for them. I hate to see a child suffer because of the unwillingness of a parent to acknowledge that they were not "just like everyone else".

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-25-2003 - 10:36pm
i really think the parents think their children will do better in life in general if they are mainstreamed with the "normal" kids. if they are immersed in a "normal" environment, they will learn "normal" behavior, but the fact of the matter is, because the children are *not* normal, they need special attention that public school does not always provide. i have two friends with autistic children who are mainstreamed, however, are not behavioral problems, and are able to communicate. one is 20 and will be in a group home probably for the rest of his life after he turns 21, however, will work at some kind of job, and have guidance. the other is around 7yo, and from what i hear is doing beautifully. they are in ny and nj repectfully, and the moms had to fight like hell to have the care they require, but once that was in place, it has been pretty smooth going. i do know the 7yo was diagnosed at the age of three, so hes had "therapy" that long. the 20yo was diagnosed at the age of around 5 or 6 as his is not extreme, but nontheless there.

the reason i say the feeling of mainstreaming children with difficulties with "normal" kids is because my dd was paired with a boy in elementary school for a project. he was disruptive, and combative. she came home crying, because he would give the books she was using to other kids, and give her a hard time about working on the project. i finally called the teacher and talked it over. she told me what i knew i would hear. they tried to pair the high achievers with the low achievers, and it came down to me saying point blank, i dont appreciate my high achiever being penalized because of it. she did allow jaime to do her project independently after that, but i can appreciate the frustration of the parents of the other children. when a child has a particular problem, it needs to be addressed appropriately and not at the expense of other children.

Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-25-2003 - 9:57pm
I feel this is the ultimate act of selfishness. Parents like this (I have known quite a few) cannot acknowledge that their children need help because they feel that anything wrong with their children is black mark against them. So rather than acknowledge that their child needs help they justify in their minds that the problem belongs to someone else.

We have a child in our school who is autistic and belongs in an autistic school/class, not the regular 3rd grade. This child is not educable in a regular classroom. He injured (a minor injury) a kindergardener, kicked the principal in the testicles, and there have been 4 teachers in that classroom this school year (the first 3 quit). The kids in his class will walk all the way around the classroom to get back to their seats just so they do not have to pass this child. He runs in the middle of the other kids games at recess and steals their ball, lashing out at anyone who tries to get the ball back. Yet his mother blames, the school, the other kids, and the teachers for her child's problems.

The saddest thing is this boy's parent have the money to send him to a special school (they have loads of money) yet they insist he be educated in a mainstream class. And FL law is so backwards that it allows it. It seems to me that every adult in this child's life who could help him has failed him. His parents refusal to acknowledge that he has problems which cannot be addressed by a regular school make them the worst kind of parents that you can be. They are putting their own embarassment ahead of the lifetime needs of this child. And this child is unable to speak for himself. He is just a child AND he has communication problems. So it makes it even more important that his parents (and the legislature of this education backwards state) to protect him. But nobody has. And nobody has protected the other children either.

Things will only get worse for your friend's child as he gets older.

Jenna

Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-25-2003 - 9:23am
But but but. If my son's preschool teacher had told me at age 3 that my son may have a "problem," I would have had a problem too -- with her! When my son started preschool, he couldn't sit still. Wouldn't sit with the other children in circle time or at snack and lunch time. Also had problems with lashing out when he got frustrated. Weeeellll . . . his teacher was wise enough and smart enough to figure out (after about a week or so) that he was shy. Hence, he had to "warm up" to everyone before he sat with them. She also let him wander around the classroom quietly during circle time because I told her he was coming home every day and repeating everything he heard in class. This lasted about a month or so, then he was *fine.* The lashing out was due to his lack of verbal skills -- which of course improved over the year.

During one of our conferences I asked her point black if he were ADD and she said, "Age 3 is too young to tell. Plus, at this school, we develop the whole child. He is fine in all other areas. If by first grade he is still having problems, then will begin the exploratory process."

He's almost six now and is the most social verbal child you've ever met. His kindergarten teacher says he is fine and has no learning or social problems whatsoever. Imagine the outcome if his preschool teacher had said, "He needs meds."

I also don't like taking any kinds of meds. Currently I'm on BC (and take OTC allergy meds) and HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT. My OB wants me to stay on them through menopause. The reason I am very uncomfortable with meds is because pharma companies push certain drugs on doctors who in turn prescribe them without really knowing everything. Just today in the Globe is an article about how pharmacies SELL customer information to the pharmacueticals who then take that information to know which drugs doctors are prescribing. If a pharma company has been pitching a specific drug and the doctor isn't prescribing it, the sales rep will go in AND ASK WHY. Doctors are "rewarded" for prescribing with lavish trips, tickets to athletic events, and meals at fancy restaurants.

On top of that, pharmas rush drugs to market without knowing the full implications of what they are giving people. New drug time-to-market used to be DECADES. Now it is a few years -- and new technologies are reducing even that time. All to make a profit, of course.

I agree with your MIL. I don't want that "junk" in my body, thank you. I'll stick with a healthy diet, exercise, plenty of water, and 8 hours of sleep.

outside_the_box_mom

Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-24-2003 - 5:12pm
I had him tested for ADHD on the recommendation of his teacher. It was only after the testing was over and we met with the psychologist that she told us he's not ADHD but his IQ is out there. Apparently it's pretty common for boys with very high IQs to be a bit "off" when it comes to school, especially in the early years and many of them come in with parents looking to see if they are ADHD. Next year he will be in a classroom with all gifted/high acheiving students. That should help.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-23-2003 - 6:45pm
what a cool mom you are!!!! congrats to you!

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