Calling all teachers and anyone

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Calling all teachers and anyone
36
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 2:50pm
else who cares to comment.

If a teacher tells a parent that her child should be tested for "impulsivity," is that code for "I think your child has ADHD but I can't tell you that directly because you might sue me"?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-23-2003 - 8:45am
I really appreciate all of the interesting answers. As it turns out, I can't pass along any of your helpful advice to her, because when I spoke to her last night she was angry because someone suggested medicating her 9 year old. She's just in total denial about her kids, wants to put off knowing about any of their problems. It's sad because she and I are so close and our boys are only 4 weeks apart, but I simply don't want her son playing often with my son. Too many bad habits to pick up! But it's her choice, and I'll just mind my own business.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 05-23-2003 - 11:35am
WRT the staying up screaming... If she always eventually brings him the 3rd glass of milk, then obviously the screaming works and he'll keep doing it. Kids aren't dumb!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-23-2003 - 1:48pm
I think it means "From my considerable experience with children of this age, I can tell you that the ABNORMAL behaviour exhibited by the boy indicates that something is WRONG with him, that he has a PROBLEM. He is not likely to grow out of it. He will do best if you can find out what the PROBLEM is exactly, so that you and the schools and your family will know how to deal with it in order to help your son achieve as much of his potential, and live as NORMAL a life as possible"

The bolded words are not allowed. She has to find another way to convey the idea.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-23-2003 - 5:47pm
your son sounds very much like my brother. he was always advanced in anything!! his second grade teacher wanted to skip him a grade but, mom, being a teacher and someone who was skipped herself, had no interest in it, as she wanted my brother to be with kids his age and not be the youngest all the time going forward. in nj, the teachers are very aggressive on challenging the kids, so my brother was never really bored. as he got older, he used to make up his own math games.....at home...for fun!! i totally didnt get that!LOL.

but as far as when my brother was young, he always had "ants in his pants" until he got to be around 7 or 8.

i agree 3&4yos cannot be tested for learning disabilities, ADHD, etc, but there are conditions they can test for, with such symptoms.

you are very lucky to have the situation where the teacher recognizes what your son needs. because my son had additional issues, they just didnt know or want to know what to do with him. it is very sad. thankfully, my son totally "gets it" now at the age of 20 1/2 and on his own for almost 2yrs, so he fully intends to go back to school in the fall and work toward some sort of degree. it is very heartwarming to me to see him doing so well, when he was so unhappy growing up.

good luck with your son. sounds like hes well adjusted.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-23-2003 - 6:03pm
that makes me so sad for the child when a parent refuses something is "not right". i put it in those terms as when i was explaining ADD to my son.

do you know my pediatrician told me probably 70% of human beings need some kind of meds, as nobody is perfect!! well, except maybe my dad....LOL....thats another story.

our society places such a taboo on issues dealing with irregularities in the brain, when they are usually something that can be treated with meds. when i was explaining ADD and depression to my son, i put it this way. if he couldnt hear well, we would get him a hearing aid, as if he had a broken arm, a cast, trouble seeing, glasses, diabetes, insolin, and on and on, but when it is something with the brain, no, no, no....im not crazy....

my mil is a perfect example of this. she has all the symptoms of depression, and when i suggested she look into it, she said(to me who takes prozac for mild depression), "im not putting that junk in my body". HELLOOOOOOOO, it keeps *my* moods at an even level, and they werent before meds. so when dh told me she was taking cumidin(sp?) to help her heart, guess what i said to dh, which i should not, but you know how sometimes stuff comes pouring out of your mouth before you can catch it? i hate when that happens. i told him i wouldnt put that junk in my body.....

how sad for those kids, that their mother wont even consider getting help, or just a professional opinion.

ive been in your shoes, and its better to not spoil your friendship, than ruin it, and she will still not help her children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Fri, 05-23-2003 - 6:17pm
Ya know, there ought to be a law....can you imagine a teacher telling a parent that a child seemed to have problems seeing and the parent refusing to get an eye exam for the kid? Or that the child didn't seem to be hearing clearly and might need to be examined, and the parent refusing to follow up? It's just too bad that there's such a stigma attached to neurological issues.....I tell my kid (who's blessed with 20/vision) that taking his Ritalin is like me (who ISN'T blessed with such great vision) slipping on my glasses. Neither of us functions at our best without a little medical "boost."
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-23-2003 - 6:45pm
what a cool mom you are!!!! congrats to you!
Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-24-2003 - 5:12pm
I had him tested for ADHD on the recommendation of his teacher. It was only after the testing was over and we met with the psychologist that she told us he's not ADHD but his IQ is out there. Apparently it's pretty common for boys with very high IQs to be a bit "off" when it comes to school, especially in the early years and many of them come in with parents looking to see if they are ADHD. Next year he will be in a classroom with all gifted/high acheiving students. That should help.

Jenna

Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-25-2003 - 9:23am
But but but. If my son's preschool teacher had told me at age 3 that my son may have a "problem," I would have had a problem too -- with her! When my son started preschool, he couldn't sit still. Wouldn't sit with the other children in circle time or at snack and lunch time. Also had problems with lashing out when he got frustrated. Weeeellll . . . his teacher was wise enough and smart enough to figure out (after about a week or so) that he was shy. Hence, he had to "warm up" to everyone before he sat with them. She also let him wander around the classroom quietly during circle time because I told her he was coming home every day and repeating everything he heard in class. This lasted about a month or so, then he was *fine.* The lashing out was due to his lack of verbal skills -- which of course improved over the year.

During one of our conferences I asked her point black if he were ADD and she said, "Age 3 is too young to tell. Plus, at this school, we develop the whole child. He is fine in all other areas. If by first grade he is still having problems, then will begin the exploratory process."

He's almost six now and is the most social verbal child you've ever met. His kindergarten teacher says he is fine and has no learning or social problems whatsoever. Imagine the outcome if his preschool teacher had said, "He needs meds."

I also don't like taking any kinds of meds. Currently I'm on BC (and take OTC allergy meds) and HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT. My OB wants me to stay on them through menopause. The reason I am very uncomfortable with meds is because pharma companies push certain drugs on doctors who in turn prescribe them without really knowing everything. Just today in the Globe is an article about how pharmacies SELL customer information to the pharmacueticals who then take that information to know which drugs doctors are prescribing. If a pharma company has been pitching a specific drug and the doctor isn't prescribing it, the sales rep will go in AND ASK WHY. Doctors are "rewarded" for prescribing with lavish trips, tickets to athletic events, and meals at fancy restaurants.

On top of that, pharmas rush drugs to market without knowing the full implications of what they are giving people. New drug time-to-market used to be DECADES. Now it is a few years -- and new technologies are reducing even that time. All to make a profit, of course.

I agree with your MIL. I don't want that "junk" in my body, thank you. I'll stick with a healthy diet, exercise, plenty of water, and 8 hours of sleep.

outside_the_box_mom

Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-25-2003 - 9:57pm
I feel this is the ultimate act of selfishness. Parents like this (I have known quite a few) cannot acknowledge that their children need help because they feel that anything wrong with their children is black mark against them. So rather than acknowledge that their child needs help they justify in their minds that the problem belongs to someone else.

We have a child in our school who is autistic and belongs in an autistic school/class, not the regular 3rd grade. This child is not educable in a regular classroom. He injured (a minor injury) a kindergardener, kicked the principal in the testicles, and there have been 4 teachers in that classroom this school year (the first 3 quit). The kids in his class will walk all the way around the classroom to get back to their seats just so they do not have to pass this child. He runs in the middle of the other kids games at recess and steals their ball, lashing out at anyone who tries to get the ball back. Yet his mother blames, the school, the other kids, and the teachers for her child's problems.

The saddest thing is this boy's parent have the money to send him to a special school (they have loads of money) yet they insist he be educated in a mainstream class. And FL law is so backwards that it allows it. It seems to me that every adult in this child's life who could help him has failed him. His parents refusal to acknowledge that he has problems which cannot be addressed by a regular school make them the worst kind of parents that you can be. They are putting their own embarassment ahead of the lifetime needs of this child. And this child is unable to speak for himself. He is just a child AND he has communication problems. So it makes it even more important that his parents (and the legislature of this education backwards state) to protect him. But nobody has. And nobody has protected the other children either.

Things will only get worse for your friend's child as he gets older.

Jenna