children need their mothers not day care

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
children need their mothers not day care
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 10:31pm
just want to add my 2 cents... i guess i'm old fashioned, but i firmly believe that a mothers place is with her children, not at work. Kids aren't going to remember the material things, but they will remember having their mom there for them when they were needed. Sorry but I am totally against the day care thing unless its a very last resort. Mothers, do with less and go back to work when your kids are grown.


Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-02-2003 - 11:36pm

So you think that all SAHM do is cook, clean, and know how to have babies. That this is what we teach our daughters? WOW! Your view is much worse than the OP.


Yes as a matter of fact we do have a good insurance policy. We planned for that. I am fortunate...DH is in law enforcement...Downsizing doesn't apply here. Once again....Dote on their children all day? *sigh*

I am a full time SAHM that is about to be working 9 hrs per week on Saturdays and our children will be with DH. While I could care less what other people do, I personally do not teach my 2 daughters that having babies, cooking, and cleaning are a way of life. I do however teach them that being a mother is the most important job that they will ever do. I do not dote on my children all day. I am with my children all day long, and doting is pretty far down on that list of things I do with them. SAHM don't just cook, clean, and pop out babies. I certainly hope that you were being sarcastic.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2003
Tue, 06-03-2003 - 8:43am
what children need...

I happen to agree with you that no one can raise and love a child with the same devotion as a parent... in theory.

In reality, many children are unwanted and ignored at home, and are better off in day care!

More frequently, many families are faced with economic necessity of both parents (or the single parent) working.

I happen to feel fortunate because for ME the best choice was to stay home when my kids were young. The key word there is CHOICE because I feel extremely fortunate that this was a matter of CHOICE for ME. I know people who work because they MUST (financially) and others because they must (personally). I'm not a better or worse person or parent than my friends, simply because we have different family situations.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2003
Thu, 06-05-2003 - 12:23pm
I totally agree with you, that's why I stayed at home and went to work Part time when my Son was in School full time I think we both felt mutually satisfied when I was there to meet him at the bus at three. My opinion, as soon as we took the Moms out of the house and pray out of school some children started being out of control!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-05-2003 - 12:39pm
>>>My opinion, as soon as we took the Moms out of the house and pray out of school some children started being out of control!!


Firstly, who is the "we" that "took" moms out of the house? Would that be women who work because they love to work? Women who work because they have to support their families? Women who work because they want to contribute financially to their families? How were any of these women "taken" out of the home, and who do you say "took" dads out of the house, and does that bother you too? Also, would it be okay with you for these moms & dads to be "taken" out of the house once children are in school?

Secondly, who is the "we" that took "pray"(sic) out of school? Children may still pray in school. If you'd like prayer to be a regular part of your child's school life in as much as being required to pray along with all of his/her peers, a child can be enrolled in a religious school? Otherwise, a child may still pray as often as s/he likes in any school s/he wants, religious or I don't understand what you mean.

Finally, please tell me how EITHER of these things - moms working outside of the home, or children not praying with their peers & teachers every day has anything to do with "children being out of control"? While your at it, what do you define as "out of control"?

Edited 6/5/2003 12:40:49 PM ET by iomoon

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Thu, 06-05-2003 - 12:52pm
"Finally, please tell me how EITHER of these things - moms working outside of the home, or children not praying with their peers & teachers every day has anything to do with "children being out of control"? While your at it, what do you define as "out of control"? "

I couldn't resist, I was lurking over on the childfree by choice board the other day and there are literally hundreds of horror stories about out of control kids - and parents. For some real amusement, and and answer to your question, check it out! After reading the rants and raves there one would be convinced that we're plagued by hoardes of out of control children, running wild. It's very funny.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 06-07-2003 - 10:21pm
Wwwwwhhhhhhiiiiiizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Plop!

Oooh, another flame fisherman; don't any of you guys ever buy your bait fresh?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 06-07-2003 - 10:24pm
It's extremely rude, not to mention a violation of TOS, to send people over to a support board for the purpose of starting a flame war (which sending people to a support board in order to mock them is absolutely something you are guilty of). If you aren't childless by choice, you should have enough self-control and common decency to leave those who are alone in the place specifically set aside as a place where they can vent to others.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Mon, 06-09-2003 - 4:23pm
This isn't a direct response to your post, but just a thought that occurred to me while reading it. Does it upset people (moms) when they see women who are CFBC? I've been to their message board (just curious) and my sister is CFBC. Mostly, I just see it as a person's choice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-10-2003 - 12:19pm
Aparently it does some. I remember seeing an Oprah (I know, I know) awhile back and she had guest on who were CFC. OMG, you would have thought these people were responsible for shooting JFK. The main thing that stood out to me was the "your selfish" part. I thought: how can a person be selfish for knowing that they don't want a child and doing the responsible thing by not bringing a child into the world.

Anyway, I always felt that it was a personal choice, so a really don't see the need to debate it. But like I said it was weird to see these women get so upset at other women who choose not to have children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Tue, 06-10-2003 - 3:08pm
hi, I'm a lurker, 29 and pre-child or possibly CFBC... lurking here because I often consider that question, to have or not have children (I'm extremely dedicated to my work, which if I become very successful at it I will have to travel a lot so I often wonder what, if any, is the right time in life to have a child if that is one's situation). And if/when I have them, would I quit working for several years or go back to work as soon as feasible??

A friend of mine's mom definitely belongs in the "something is wrong with women who are CFBC" category. But the root of her opinions are (a) she is deeply a "traditionalist" and (b) she had trouble carrying pregancies to term herself. Her one child (my friend) was VERY dearly bought, and she's "always known she wanted the picket fence and to stay at home with her babies" (her words, not mine). So I'm sure she has some lingering resentment of women who, as she sees it, are squandering "resources" that she herself didn't have.

I do have a friend who feels like I must be lying when I say my biological clock is not ticking. But I can't believe I'm in the minority, in NOT knowing definitely whether, or when, I'd like to have a child or not. Sure, lots of women know all along that they want to be mothers, and that's great. But not everyone.

I will say this though - my mother was a SAHM. She didn't have to be, in in fact, her former boss begged her numerous times to go back to work. She refused. She also instilled in me from a very young age that I should go to college, have a career, and do whatever I set my mind to. She got married for the first time (not my dad) right out of high school, and she wanted me to avoid what she saw as her mistakes. I still remember with laughter the time I was playing Barbies as a very little girl... I was playing "house", and Mom asked me what I was doing. And I said, "Here's the Daddy coming home from work. And here's the Mommy, making dinner." And my mom said, "you know, mommies can work too, and daddies can make dinner."

"REALLY?!" said I. "But that's not how we do it!"

"Well, honey, I had a job before I had you."



"But don't you have to do everything Daddy says?

"WHAT?! NO! I do NOT have to do everything your father says!!!!! Who told you that!?"

My mom taught me to read before I was three. She was there to explain every question, every news flash on TV, all of it. I am the ambitious young woman I am, because of her. It raises serious questions for me about, if and when I have children, what will I do? (That is, if staying at home for a few years would even be a financial option for me.) I feel like I gained a lot intellectually, as well as in other areas, from her being there. That's not to say that working moms are any different... maybe it's just an argument to thoroughly research daycare providers to make sure it will be a warm, nurturing and educational environment.

Maybe I should get my mom to post here. She's a rare bird - a thoroughly liberal-Democrat, pro-choice, SAHM. Or she WAS a SAHM. Now she's on the loose! ;-)