children need their mothers not day care

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
children need their mothers not day care
79
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 10:31pm
just want to add my 2 cents... i guess i'm old fashioned, but i firmly believe that a mothers place is with her children, not at work. Kids aren't going to remember the material things, but they will remember having their mom there for them when they were needed. Sorry but I am totally against the day care thing unless its a very last resort. Mothers, do with less and go back to work when your kids are grown.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Tue, 06-10-2003 - 4:04pm
Hello!

As you brought up, many women think about SAH vs WOH for themselves, but I was wondering what I would think about my dd's choice in life. While I prefer my choice to WOH for me, and while I would tell my dd that she can "do and be whatever she choses to be" -- I'm not sure that I'd feel completely comfortable if my dd wanted to be a SAHM. Let me clarify that before I get flames thrown at me. If she's still a kid/teenager and told me that it was her "dream" to be a SAHM and a wife, then I'd try to convince her that she should persue a career . She may not like being a SAHM, being a "wife" should (in my opinion) never be a life ambition for a woman), and she may find herself needing to support herself and her children without her husband. I may feel differently about her wanting to SAH if she were older and had a career.

For me personally, my identity comes from many things, one of which is who I am in my professional life, and I want my dd to have that too (we all do secretly wish for little versions of ourselves, don't we? just kidding. )

Hmmm... I am still not a 100% sure what I'd say to my dd if she wanted to SAH.

I wonder if SAHMs feel differently about this than the WOHMs. What would you want for your daughters?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Tue, 06-10-2003 - 4:29pm
I would explain to my daughter that she has to be someone for herself before she can give her heart to someone else. Until she has some time experiencing her own wants, desires, joys, sorrows, skills, accomplishmens, downfalls, she should not rush into being a wife and a mommy.

I'd tell her that wanting to be a SAHM was a wonderful thing to want to be but that life is full of surprises and that she should never put her eggs in one basket. I'd probably also explain my own experiences (as I have been both) and let her know that the only way to truly make a "choice" is to have options from which to choose.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-10-2003 - 4:31pm
Beautiful post :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-10-2003 - 4:34pm
n/t
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Tue, 06-10-2003 - 4:49pm
Oh relax, I wasn't sending anybody over there to start anything, just to read and be amused. Why do you think I had to bite my tongue to keep from responding? Because It isn't appropriate for me to do so, but it's a free country and an open message board, so there are NO RULES preventing anyone from reading any forum here that they wish. NOw mind your own beeswax, spoilsport. I didn't bother anyone, I never posted a peep over there. What a nag.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Tue, 06-10-2003 - 4:57pm
My best friend and her husband are CFBC. I don't see her as the least bit selfish, I see her as a smart women who knows her limits and desires and won't be pressured into following the pack. If anything I think it's selfish to have children when you aren't 100% ready and willing to accept the responsibility.

y husband and I see them about once every 2 weeks and we have the best times together. They're smart, interesting, we share many common interests - cooking, gardening, travel, just not kids. We have a rule, she locks up the dogs when we come over and I lock up the kids when they come over and we're all happy.


Relax people, we don't really lock them up. Well, not technically anyway.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Wed, 06-11-2003 - 11:37am
..."... i guess i'm old fashioned, but i firmly believe that a mothers place is with her children, not at work"...

Darn, I guess now I will have to find a new pediatrician, a new ob-gyn, a new mail carrier, a new grocery checkout clerk, a new librarian, a new insurance agent, a new opthamologist, a new bank teller since they will all have to quit their jobs...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 06-11-2003 - 5:45pm
Don't be so sure! I don't remember my mom's working status much at all. SHe worked at different times in my childhood and SAH at other times. I really have no memory of either. What I do remember most about my childhood is boating and camping with my family. So, much for your theory!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Thu, 06-12-2003 - 7:27am
I remember my mother's work status well...she was a SAHM. Unfortunately, they aren't great memories. I spent my whole childhood wishing we weren't so poor and wishing that I could spend more time away, with other people. I'm not talking about wishing we had money for vacations...I'm talking about wishing I could have my own clothes instead of my cousin's 20-yr-old hand-me-downs.

That's why I felt so guilty when I SAH (not by choice) when my son was little...I knew I was doing the same thing she did and didn't want him to resent me for it.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Thu, 06-12-2003 - 10:11am
This has been one of the major conflicts in my house. When I first broached the topic of sah with my husband, he did not want me to. He had the same memories of childhood that you do. Hated being poor, hated hand me downs, hated doing without, etc. I was the opposite. I didn't care what I was wearing, and have fond memories of lazy summer days surrounded by the 40+ kids that lived in our neighborhood - jumping rope, flashlight tag, kickball.

He's very money focused, where my attitude is "as long as the basics are covered, the rest is gravy." He wants toys, I want memories.

Our compromise was my WAH and finding other ways to make money. So far its working out fine, and he seems much happier now than before. He's even said that he can't remember why he was so against the idea in the first place.

My point for posting this is that it's interesting to see that different people can react to the same type of situation and get totally different things out of it.

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