children need their mothers not day care

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
children need their mothers not day care
79
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 10:31pm
just want to add my 2 cents... i guess i'm old fashioned, but i firmly believe that a mothers place is with her children, not at work. Kids aren't going to remember the material things, but they will remember having their mom there for them when they were needed. Sorry but I am totally against the day care thing unless its a very last resort. Mothers, do with less and go back to work when your kids are grown.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2003
Thu, 06-12-2003 - 2:09pm
I totally agree, but be prepared for a TONGUE LASHING. Man i have the same views and talk about self righteous people. You cant even post an opinion without people getting all hostile. SO i commend you for writing this and sticking to your beliefs. Amen!
Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 06-12-2003 - 4:54pm
Last time I checked this was a debate board, not an opinion board.

So, if you post an opinion, be prepared to be expected to back up that opinion with something that goes beyond 'cause I said so. . .or cause I feel like it.'

Expecting that posters will indeed back up their opinion on a debate board isn't 'getting hostile'.

And FTR, she didn't necessarily 'stick' to her opinion, as she never posted a response. That's a drive by poster in my book.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
Thu, 06-12-2003 - 7:24pm
It's all fine and good to be old fashioned, especially if you are living in an old fashioned fairy tale. But the reality is that many mothers have no choice but to work. It doesn't mean they love their children any less than you do.

As a single mother, I had to work outside of the home for 6 years to raise my son. When I say single, I mean Single. No child support, no visitation, nada.

Don't think for a minute that I would not have stayed home with my son if I could have, but who was going to pay the bills and put the groceries in the cupboard???? I was, thats who.

I am 24 now. And I work from home. But let me tell you it has been a struggle. My son, however, kisses me a million times a day, he is always on my lap, and we have always had quality time together. This is because he Knows I Love Him.

If you can stay at home and raise your children, that's great. But for all the mothers who can't, and are doing the best they can, SALUTE! from a mother who's been there. We all love our children, and we all do what we must. They will know that we love them whether or not we are wearing oven mits at 3pm.

Jeanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2003
Fri, 06-13-2003 - 9:36am
"And FTR, she didn't necessarily 'stick' to her opinion, as she never posted a response. That's a drive by poster in my book. "

Maybe she got scared off by all the nasty remarks that were made. Granted she didnt support what she said with any other information, but one thing i have seen on this board, is that, people have NO CLUE how to debate.

from www.dictionary.com

de·bate ( P ) Pronunciation Key (d-bt)

v. de·bat·ed, de·bat·ing, de·bates

v. intr.

To consider something; deliberate.

To engage in argument by discussing opposing points.

To engage in a formal discussion or argument. See Synonyms at discuss.

This does not mean ATTACK, which is what i have seen MANY people do. And the same people that attack are the ones that dont back up there statements either. it is a 2 way street.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2003
Fri, 06-13-2003 - 9:43am
Jeanna- i think the OP point was that for the moms that CAN afford to stay home but CHOSE to work, that is where children need moms at home versus daycare. I realize not all parents have the luxury of having a stay home parent. But there are MANY families where both parents work, but they do it because they like the "lifestyle" they are living, not because they cant afford to live off one parents salary.

Also- just because you are SAHM doesnt mean that you bake cookies and are "wearing oven mits at 3pm." that is a little old fashioned dont you think?

Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 06-13-2003 - 10:01am
But why?

Why do the children of 'choose to work moms' need their mothers at home, but children of 'have to work' mothers' don't need their mothers at home.

If child care is so detrimental to children's personalities (as you seem to think), wouldn't that damage be the same for the children of CTWOHMs and HTWOHMs?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2003
Fri, 06-13-2003 - 10:16am
Unfortunantly it is not so black and white, While i think the "ideal" situation would be to have one parent at home and one working, i am not in a bubble and i realize that the cost of living has risen so much that not EVERYONE can afford to have a parent NOT work.

While i think being a SAH parent is better in ANY situation, unless abuse or neglect are involved, if you have to work then i hope that the parent REALLY researchs the DCP and tries to get the best one. My question is how do YOU know that the DCP is a good one?? i mean how many reports have we seen on TV where the DCP was abusing the kids, mentally? or ignoring fussy kids etc etc. Granted this in not everyone or everywhere? but if you COULD afford to SAH why would you take the chance??

I NEVER said DCP was detrimental to a child,you find that qoute, but i think if you have a CHOICE between SAH and DCP then SAH is the ultimate choice. You know how you will raise your child and you know the child is safe because they are in YOUR care.




Edited 6/13/2003 10:33:17 AM ET by subimom

Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 06-13-2003 - 10:41am
Ask the father or mother of the child who recently died in Las Vegas after being left in the family van all day by his father if THEY ever felt their child would die in their care.

Yes, all necessary precautions should be taken. ..I'm not advocating that they shouldn't be taken, but there is no guarantee.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2003
Fri, 06-13-2003 - 12:32pm
Leaving a child in a van UNATTENDED is just STUPID!!! obviously someone wasnt using their brain.

In this instance the child would have been better in a DCP then in the fathers care.

Your right there is no guarantee but why not try and lessen the chances of something happening. If i EVER thought my husband would do something that stupid then i wouldnt trust him with our child.

As dumb as it sounds that is why i think dogs/cats are a great foundation for kids, you can see how a parent is going to treat their kid, IN MOST CASES, by how they treat their dog/cat.

Hubby and i have 2 dogs that are like children for us, and i see how he is with them and how protective he is with them, so i know he would be the same way with our child.

Sorry off topic, just infuriates me that someone did something like that, i would NEVER leave my child in a car, just like i would NEVER leave my 2 dogs in a car, it gets tooo hot and you hear to many horror stories about something like that happening.

Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 06-13-2003 - 12:41pm
The father altered his morning routine and got coffee before dropping the baby off at the child care providers' house instead of afterwards. But after getting coffee he went on autopilot and simply headed off to work. Baby was found in the car seat after dad finished work (he was a teacher), ran errands, and picked up his older son.

Tragedy. . .all the way around.

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