children need their mothers not day care

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
children need their mothers not day care
79
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 10:31pm
just want to add my 2 cents... i guess i'm old fashioned, but i firmly believe that a mothers place is with her children, not at work. Kids aren't going to remember the material things, but they will remember having their mom there for them when they were needed. Sorry but I am totally against the day care thing unless its a very last resort. Mothers, do with less and go back to work when your kids are grown.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 06-14-2003 - 1:52pm
WHY is a SAH parent "better" in any situation???? Personally, I think the 'ideal' situation is whatever situation, sah or woh, that the parents deem appropriate for their family. NEITHER configuration is inherently better than the other.



What you don't seem to understand is that many of us that use childcare, don't see it as the "risk" or "chance" that you do? I went into finding childcare with the belief that "why wouldn't i find as good a caretaker as i am"....I'm a good mom, why wouldn't i be able to find a good person to take care of my kids?

as to how we knew our dcp was a good one? well, for starters the kids came home with smiles on their faces, well-rested from their naps, full tummies from lunch & snacks. There were no unexplained bruises, scrapes, cuts, etc.....the children were happy to be at the provider's home and easily went to her for hugs and kisses -- and were secure in being dropped off. Again, i came at it from the premise that "if i took great care of my own kids, why wouldn't the provider?" . And interestingly enough, the vast majority (like 98+%) of kids are abused by their PARENTS. And, i saw no "chance" in using childcare.

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Yes, i DO know since I am the ONLY one raising my child. I know that my provider is caring for them how I would because i chose them for their similar style to mine. I trust my provider implicitly with my children (in fact, they've even spent the night at the nanny's house). WHY wouldn't or shouldn't I?

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 10:18pm
There are risks you run not using child care.

The risk your marriage will have undue tension or even fail because one parent is not happy being a SAH.

The risk of financial problems because one parent was home during the childrens' preschool years.

There are risks associated with NOT using child care as well as risks to using it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 5:59pm
I'm not disagreeing with your post. I, too, use child care and trust her to take good care of my dd. I also don't feel that I am "taking a risk or a chance" by leaving my dd with our nanny. However, it makes me think about something....

If I could work PT so that I can be home with my dd most days and still bring home the same income and still have the same job security, then I would go PT in a second. I do think that kids like having their moms home.
Avatar for natsmom98
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 1:25pm
What an insightful, well thought out post - NOT!!! I know many adults who absolutely hated not being better off financially as kids. Who's to say? I WOH, 3-4 days a week, and my kids know that their mom is there for them when they need her.

Who are you to judge everyone else's situation? If we had to live on my dh's income, I suppose we could survive, but we'd live in a small apartment (NO way we could afford a house here in CA), have very old cars, no activities for the kids, no eating out ever (we all enjoy that), no vacations. Would we all be happier overall? NO WAY. Much better for me to work 3 or 4 days a week.

Sorry, you are just wrong when you look at actual families' situations.

Avatar for natsmom98
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 1:28pm
Yep, my dh's view of money is so messed up due to his parents always telling him how broke they are. It's a constant issue with him. I want my kids to grow up not worrying about money in the least. And yes, I'm still responsible with money - I didn't grow up rich, and certainly wasn't spoiled (no TV or phone in room, no car until I got out of college) - but it really wasn't an issue.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
Mon, 06-23-2003 - 5:21pm
I completely appreciate what you have said. I completely agree! I guess I have a few questions for those who do not agree. SAH mothers have a tough job, and their efforts are not futile. What could be more important that bringing up wonderful productive adults? Day care by definition is leaving your child with a stranger....why does that not scare every woman to death? Are we so irrelevant that our kids do not need us? Are we that replacable? I prefer to think that a mother's worth is much greater than that. Mothers are not easily replaced.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-23-2003 - 5:26pm
"Day care is by definition leaving your child with a stranger"

What about sisters, grandparents, etc., who provide child care? And as to paid help, just how long do you think they would be strangers to you? Why would leaving my children with someone I trust "scare me to death" - I'm not paranoid. Aren't you going to trust your children to their schoolteachers?

What about raising your children PLUS working? Why JUST SAH? Some of us can work AND raise our children both.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Mon, 06-23-2003 - 6:34pm
HEY! Who's replacing me???? Do you really think a dcp or nanny at 40 hours per week for a few years could even BEGIN to "replace me" as their MOM...who's with them every single day for the rest of their childhood??? SNORT!

Guess what? ALL mothers have a tough job. Why just sahms? Don't you realize that Wohms are also raising kids -- or are those "magical parenting hours" the only ones that count? And FWIW, i know LOTS of WOHMs too that are "bringing up wonderful, productive adults". are you trying to say that my wohm didn't do a great job with her 3 daughers??? she'd be REALLY SURPRISED to hear that, LOL!

And your definition of daycare is like NO definition that i have ever heard. Daycare is the daily care of children -- you know -- DAY, CARE. I haven't yet met anyone who left their children all day with a "stranger". Why should it "scare me to death" when i believe that her care was every bit as good as mine? The providers I used were moms themselves with wonderful kids -WHY wouldn't they provide good care -- and WHY should that scare me to death?

And who in the he** said that moms are "irrelevant"? Obviously ONLY YOU. BLECH.

Are you friends with any wohms? do you think that THEY could be easily replaced? More BLECH.

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-24-2003 - 9:39am
Really? which part of the words "day" or "care" is defined as "stranger"?

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