Close relationships

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Close relationships
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Thu, 01-16-2014 - 9:58am

Inspired by the pestering in the monster thread, What is a close relationship to you?  Is there any such thing as being too close?  Are you close to your spouse/so?  Your children?  Your parents?  Your friends?  Is there an ideal image of close..  If so what does that look like? 

I know, Lots of questions...  Play or pass..

 


 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Thu, 01-16-2014 - 10:39am
Those are a lot of questions. I think different people are comfortable with different degrees of intimacy, but in general, it's not good to be at the extreme of bring a person who is isolated from others, or a person whose identity is enmeshed with another person's. I would call myself close to my husband, children, two of my sisters, and about half a dozen friends. The next level is "fairly close," and that is a much wider circle of relatives and friends.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Thu, 01-16-2014 - 1:09pm

I define closeness as being emotionally intimate with someone but still having an intact sense of self. "Too close" means that the relationship is emotionally unhealthy; it doesn't allow the other person room to grow, or one person's personality dominates, rather than complements, the other's.

In my experience, introverts seem to have more close friends, but fewer acquaintances, while extraverts have fewer close friends, but more acquaintances. I don't think one is superior to the other, as long as people get their needs met.

Avatar for savcal2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Thu, 01-16-2014 - 1:15pm

jamblessedthree wrote:
<p>Inspired by the pestering in the monster thread, What is a close relationship to you?  Is there any such thing as being too close?  Are you close to your spouse/so?  Your children?  Your parents?  Your friends?  Is there an ideal image of close..  If so what does that look like? </p><p>I know, Lots of questions...  Play or pass..</p>

I think the definition of "close" in this context is very subjective. It's also very non-tangible.  It's an emotional/intellectual things, not a "can put words to it" thing. 

I think you can be too close only when being close is inappropriate - too close to a coworker, too close to a married man, etc.  I think you can also be too close to a situation or too close to a person to make the appropriate, objective, actions/decisions.

I am very close with my children -- The Girl more than The Boy.  I'm close to my mother and was very close to my dad.  I'm not as close with my brothers as I used to be.  I'm not very close with my sister. 

I'm very close with a number of friends, and just semi close with others.

I think an ideal image is completely dependent upon the relationship and the people involved.

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Thu, 01-16-2014 - 3:49pm

There are a lot of different ways to define close relationship, DH and I are close but it's not like the close relationship I have with my children.  I was probably closer to my dad in my younger years than my mom but that relationship grew after I got married and I am lucky we get to pass down great memories and stories about her with our kids.  My siblings and I have a great bond and we are alike in a lot of ways, that doesn't mean I know every detail about thier lives nor do they mine.  I have more situational friends than close friends, I am a pretty reserved person and prefer it that way too. 

Just like there are no perfects in life there is no ideal relationship to me either, Some come pretty close though. 

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Thu, 01-16-2014 - 3:57pm
Blood relatives are who I naturally feel closest to.

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Thu, 01-16-2014 - 4:03pm

ashmama wrote:
<p>I define closeness as being emotionally intimate with someone but still having an intact sense of self. "Too close" means that the relationship is emotionally unhealthy; it doesn't allow the other person room to grow, or one person's personality dominates, rather than complements, the other's.</p><p>In my experience, introverts seem to have more close friends, but fewer acquaintances, while extraverts have fewer close friends, but more acquaintances. I don't think one is superior to the other, as long as people get their needs met.</p>

That's a good way to describe too close, I also think when things happen like unwanted advice, competiton or spiteful behavior surface there's something wrong with the relationship too.  I'd rather not have a close relationship than have one where that significant othe is meddling too much in it. 

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2013
Thu, 01-16-2014 - 4:49pm

My siblings and I have a great bond and we are alike in a lot of ways, that doesn't mean I know every detail about thier lives nor do they mine.

I would think that would be the same with many if not most siblings. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2013
Thu, 01-16-2014 - 4:54pm

jamblessedthree wrote:
<p>Inspired by the pestering in the monster thread, What is a close relationship to you?  Is there any such thing as being too close?  Are you close to your spouse/so?  Your children?  Your parents?  Your friends?  Is there an ideal image of close..  If so what does that look like? </p><p>I know, Lots of questions...  Play or pass..</p>

A close relationship to me?  That would be someone who knows my quirks and flaws and likes me anyway--and vice versa.  Is there such a thing as being to close?  Absolutely.  Haven't we all seen the couple that we wish would just get a room already?  Or the parent FAR too involved in the lives of his or her children?  Extremes are rarely good for anyone.

I consider myself to be close with my parents, my siblings and my son and DIL and DGS. I consider my best friends to be close, but I wouldn't consider them to be closer than my family.  In some cases, they are definitely AS close as my family, but I don't think any are closer.

Is there an ideal?  I dunno....maybe.  If there is, it's likely different for every individual, since each individual's needs would dictate different levels of closeness.  I couldn't even begin to come up with some kind of standard for it.  To speak to the home reno--did you know about it issue, with my family, yeah, we know about when our parents or siblings are doing home renovations.  My siblings will post updates on FB and my Mom sends us swatches and samples in the mail of the changes they make.  (That last bit reminds me; I have to send the last set of swatches on to my Mom's friend in Virginia.)

Avatar for savcal2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Thu, 01-16-2014 - 4:55pm

jamblessedthree wrote:
Blood relatives are who I naturally feel closest to.

That isn't true for me.  I have a much closer bond with some of my girlfriends than I do with my sister.   She and I are very very different people, with wildly varying interests and personalities and lifestyles. I love her, but we aren't close.

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2013
Thu, 01-16-2014 - 4:56pm

ashmama wrote:
<p>I define closeness as being emotionally intimate with someone but still having an intact sense of self. "Too close" means that the relationship is emotionally unhealthy; it doesn't allow the other person room to grow, or one person's personality dominates, rather than complements, the other's.</p>

that seems like a good working definition.  :)

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