consequences

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2009
consequences
59
Tue, 09-28-2010 - 5:25pm

Watched a t.v program the other nite that a mother described consequences and bad behavior = additiobal chores/ house work. yard work ect..for her child. For instance, you kick your brother, you may dig a hole to plant the trees or rack the leaves. She does not take away privelages unless it fits the crime example, problems with cell phone use, you lose your cell phone, but walking a very fine line, b/c taking away a cell phne can create problems for the parents when they need the child to have the phone for saftey issues, communication issues ect.

Have been having a on going discussion about this with other friends about how they view this..

Productive, positive, good, bad, unproductive, negative ect...

What do you think.

Only had a sec to post sorry if it is confusing..

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 6:31pm
Whenever one of my kids told me they were bored my set response was, "If your bored, I'll find you something to do" (of course meaning chores). So I probably would have done the same in that circumstance.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2010
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 8:11pm

Not exactly what you are talking about but this is the age I started this with mine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 8:44pm

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ITA.





















iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2010
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 9:50pm

Corporal punishment,

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 10:28pm

I don't have a problem with punishments or consequences if that's what's called for, but most of the time, the behavior just needs to be channeled into something more positive. That should be the overarching principle of any discipline, after all.



For example, if I'm washing dishes and my 13 yo son is sitting on his lazy bum listening to his iPod, well, then I might tell him to go scoop the cat box, not to punish him for being a typical 13yo, but to remind him that people don't get to sit while other family members are being productive, unless all the work is done.



And in the example you cited of a child kicking her brother, I would definitely encourage her to apologize and make it up to her brother, not go plant trees. In this case, empathy is the most important principle, not productivity.



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 1:57am

"This is what works for me.

6 year old lost library book, instead of punishing her, she had to work (x tra chores) to earn the money to pay back the fine, if she does it again, she will lose a privilege and will do more work to pay back the fine. "

I started giving Dylan an allowance just so I could deduct payment for things he has thoughtlessly destroyed, he pays his own library fines, and pays for his own computer game downloads. So far, it seems to be working. All of a sudden, he really doesn't need that candy bar after chess club, his library books and DVDs are being returned to the library on time and he hasn't destroyed anything lately. Having his own money is reaping dividends.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2009
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 11:02am

Well sorta~ lol Actually the words used was "a form of corporal punishment" b/c it inflicts pain? here is the reasoning behind this. Most kids at least her kids despise chores, making them do more chores would inflict pain and that pain would make them hate to work. As in it would create a bad attitude towards having to work and relate work with making poor choices. Does that make sense?

Then there is a mother who makes her children do push ups for bad behavior. Who fully agrees with this method and uses it productivley as a consequence.

then there are mothers who feel as i do on this, still on the fence.

As my kids get older Iam trying to find new ways that fit their maturity level.

Iam a total believer in positive parenting and think perhaps this form of cause and effect could be used in a very productive manner. Iam still wishy washy though.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2009
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 11:17am

Right, in my family there is a "house rule" no kicking, hitting ect. If they do this of course they have to apologize but there has to a consequence for the action, in my house with my kids. Why I used the word productive is b/c i want my children to learn from their mistakes, that is what i meant by productive.

BUT doing "house work, yard work, whatever it may be teaches children to be producing something abundantly and efficiently. A clean housen yard, ect. ;) Taking away privilages may be a productive "punishment" but it is not always in all circumstances teaching the child how to be productive, so maybe just maybe, if oldest forgets to clean his room, not only will he clean his room, but he will clean the laundry room. SWIM?

I dont know just some random thoughts.

I need some new ideas with consequence, the privilges taken away is just becoming "old hat" for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2009
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 11:23am

If iam being too noisy i apologize in advance and ignore me but if I may ask, how old was dylan when you started allowance, does he have to do certain chores, duties ect to get his allowance and do you give it to him daily weekly monthly?

I think making your children earn back what they have destroyed is a very productive effect. I think allowance is good,it teaches responsibility and that you have to earn something, iam not just going to give it to you... but i know kids who do nothing and get a large allowance every week. That i do not agree with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2009
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 11:41am

Okay here is my thought process with this and I hope Iam going in the right direction b/c I can see how this may be very beneficial.

Child stays out past curfew, loses privelages and is at home for the rest of the weekend (just a random example nothing more) instead of having the child just sit at home all weekend, keep him busy put him to work, have him help you paint that fence or clean out that fridge. I can see how this could be very beneficial.