Does anyone have kids with a 5 y age gap

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Does anyone have kids with a 5 y age gap
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 2:35am
I haven't been around lately because I just found out I am pregnant. (6 weeks!) (And my computer freezes up every 10 minutes. But that's a whole other story!!) My son and the new baby will be 5 years apart in age. I was wondering if anyone has the same difference and how it works for you. It seems like they will be too far apart to play with each other. But on the otherhand, I like the fact that I got to spend alone time with my son. So any info or advice would be greatly appreciated! TIA


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 2:58am
Depends on the kids. Mine are 8 yrs apart, and they play, fight, bicker, love and adore each other as if they were 1 year apart. My best friend has 4 kids, her oldest is 24, youngest 12. The oldest and the youngest are actually very very close and spend a lot of time together, and always have been that way.

In some ways its very nice-my children have completely different interests, one being caught up in the 13yo angst of being a young girl, one joyously looking towards starting kindergarten next fall as a *big boy* :o). Since they do have different interests, there is no competition. They each get plenty of time to do their own thing.

Another plus is the financial side. We will be able to comfortably provide for both of our children, and knowing that our youngest wont even be out of high school when the oldest (hopefully) graduates college, gives us some breathing room as far as helping pay for their educations and such.

I have 2 younger brothers, 8 and 9 years younger than me. We werent that close as children (mainly because my stepmother wouldnt allow it), but as adults, we are VERY close. I cant imagine my world without them in it, they are 2 of the best friends I have.....

so enjoy! It'll be great! :o)



"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 7:20am
Congratulations! I'm so happy for you. My boys are 20 mos. apart so I have no advice. Just CONGRATS!

Edited to add: Oh, but Beth Ann's (almostfreeof3) two oldest kids are 5 and 4 years older than her youngest. She can relate.

Edited 5/5/2004 10:51 am ET ET by laurenmom2boys

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 7:49am
My DD1 and DD2 were 6 and 4 when DD3 was born. It is actually a good spread. They do not have the competition that the older two do with only 23 months between them. The realtionship is a little different then with closer age siblings, especially in the younger years. DD1 had more of a mothering type role with DD3 then a sister type rule (which also led to some bossiness when she got older). But they did always get along well (aside from normal minor bickering). When DD3 was a toddler she used to crawl into bed with DD1 every night.

The only issue that we have had with the larger age spread is DD3 always in a hurry to grow up. She always wanted to do what her big sisters were doing. It started at 9 months when she refused to eat baby food because she wanted to eat what her sister did, then at 5 years old she questioned why her 11 year old sister could ride her bike over to a friends house two blocks away and she couldn't. Now we have a soon to be 15 year old who wants to be treated like a 21 year old.

Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 8:04am
Congratulations on your pregnancy.

My oldest and youngest are 5 years apart. The oldest is 10, youngest 5 and there is another child in the middle who is almost 8. When the baby was born my oldest was very excited and helpful. He loved the baby and loved that I let him help me do more things than his younger brother (for obvious reasons). When he was a baby both older boys would play with him. They also loved to include the baby in their games.

As the baby has gotten to be an annoying little boy they have sometimes looked to me to protect their interests. For example, I never used to allow locked doors, but there had been times when the older boys were trying to play a board game and the little one would come and wipe all the pieces off the board. He also goes into the older one's room and pulls the controllers out of his video game or turns the tv off while they are playing. If asked I allow the boys to lock the door if the little one is being a pest. Now that the baby is 5 he isn't as much of a pest as he had been between ages 3-4.

They do all play together though. They play hockey in my driveway. They play games in the pool together. The older ones are willing to bend the rules for the youngest (they don't make him take the ball back to the wall in pool basketball) when appropriate. It has taken some intervention on my part to get the older ones to realize that the youngest cannot have the same expectations placed on him as their friends who are in 2nd and 4th grade. Sometimes I have to suggest the appropriate modifications to their games for them.

I don't think 5 years is a bad spread. The older one is not SO much older that he can't relate to the baby. You will have time with the baby while the oldest is in school. The oldest will be past the age where he is really jealous of the baby (I am sure there will be moments though). You can involve a 5 year old in the care of the baby more than a toddler and that will bond them together more. Plus as the baby grows he will have a sibling to show him all the cool big kid things (mine has 2 brothers).

I think it will work out fine.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 8:06am

It's apt to work out great for you, and for them. I've got an "only", but know a fair number of people with this kind of "spread" between kids and in every single case they have been closer than usual. (I'm not counting cases where there are sibs in between.) There's enough of an age difference so that the older kid doesn't feel like he's being a "baby," but instead gets to feel like a particularly big kid, if he plays with the younger one - and the younger one usually seems to hero-worship the older one. (Plus there's enough of an age spread so that the older one at least is not going to be fighting to play with the younger one's toys, LOL!) My mom and her brother were 6 yrs. apart and love each other dearly. My son has a classmate who has a brother 5 yrs. older and they have absolutely the most openly affectionate sib relationship I have ever seen, it's so touching. My son's best friend, our neighbor, is 6 years older than he (also an "only") and they often refer to each other as being each others' siblings. We had thought when they first met (when my son was 15 mos.) that she would think it cute to play with him for about a week and would then tire of it, but their relationship has grown more and more intense every year. They've been great for each other.

Have a happy and healthy pg!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 8:30am

I am not in that situation, but my sister-in-law is. She has 2 boys 9 and 8 and a 2 year old. The main thing she complains about is the fact that the kids want to DO different things, she says its like having 2 separate families. Example: they want to take the kids to Cedar Point but the boys will be on totally different rides than the baby. She thinks that makes taking family trips difficult.

But on a daily basis, I know she is enjoying herself. She had to work when the first 2 were babies, so for the last one she decided to stay home. It's a different experience for her right now.

But they are ALL boys.... it's a wild, wrestling good time in her house!



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 8:36am

No advice, just hearty congratulations!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 9:33am

Mine are five years apart and my sister and I are five years apart. I love it! Zak is old enough not to feel jealous and he helps me out with Alex. With Devin being so sick, I knew I couldn't have two close in age. I couldn't handle the stress. Five years has been a really good gap.

My sister and I fought like cats and dogs when we were younger. I think it was more our personality (and the fact we were both girls) than the age difference. We are very close now. The thing I enjoyed most with the five year difference is that I was never in the same school with my sister and I was my own person. I had my own friends and my own interests.

I would like four children five years apart but I don't know if it will work....

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 10:39am
No advice on the age gap, but I want to say CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 11:12am

I have a 6 year age gap between my two girls.