Encouragement needed...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Encouragement needed...
4
Tue, 11-04-2003 - 10:12pm
I have been staying home with my dd for 2 years now. Last year I started to finish another degree and she went to a at home daycare for about 3 hours a day while I was at school. Two weeks ago I accepted a offer to do kindergarten after school care from 3pm to 6pm. We can really use the money because I was paying the daycare lady fulltime already anyways. DD goes there form noon to about 6pm every day now. She really likes it there, but I still feel kind of guilty to "leave" her for that long. Today she wanted to stay at the lady's house because her friend was still there. On the one side I'm happy she really likes it on the other I feel like she would rather stay there now...

To all the WOH mom's , anybody else feel "guilty" to leave the kids?

Katharina
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 7:41am
Sure. It's hard, especially when they're little. You're afraid they'll like the dcp better than you or they'll need therapy for the rest of their lives because you weren't "there for them" or something awful will happen and it will be all your fault for leaving them. Been through all of that, and although my guys are well on their way to self sufficiency, I still get twinges of WOHM guilt. Try to think of it this way--you aren't just leaving her to get your nails done or be a lady who lunches--you are educating yourself and earning some money to help your family. Both of those things are making a better present and future for your child. Even when you aren't with her, you ARE "there for her" because the positive things you are doing with your life benefit her.

If she's happy and your DCP is reliable, you doing OK. Kids are remarkably durable and resilient. They often adapt to change better than we do. :)

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 1:41pm
People can feel guilty about anything and everything.

Sure, it's hard to leave your kids with someone else (heck, some people don't even like leaving them with their dh!). But be really glad that your dd likes her DC. You will always be her "mommy."

Have you thought about visiting the WOH support board on ivillage? Someone posted there:"no guilt allowed here!"

Just a little personal story: My dd (about a year and a half) is really clingy and prefers to hang with me, even more than my dh. I can feel guilty thinking "does she do this because I WOH FT?" But if she weren't this way, I may feel "does she do this because I WOH FT?"

Instead, I just think "she likes being with me." No guilt.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Thu, 11-06-2003 - 1:32am
You didn't mention how old your dd is, but it sounds as though she is in the 3 -5 range. I think that developmentally, children in that age range separate more easily and are ready to venture out into the world a little more. They start to form intense friendships and while Mom and Dad remain central in their universe, it starts to open up to others more. I think it is really great that she loves her dcp and that she wants to stay and play with friends. She has found a good comfortable fit and that is wonderful. Your hours sound great too. I find my kids are most alert and active in the morning and that is when they do their *best stuff*. Nobody will ever replace you in her life. I think it says a great deal about her attachment to you that she is able to separate from you so happily. It takes a strong bond with a significant adult for a child to be able to form other strong bonds - she needs that primary one first and she needs to feel secure with it. It sounds like you have done a great job and she is doing great. I think you have everything to feel proud about and nothing to feel guilty about.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Tue, 11-11-2003 - 8:49am
She is actually just two. Although she is really outgoing and social for her age, which amazes me because I was not at all at that age. She loves to play with kids and when we were "just at home" and didn't go visit somebody one day, she would drag me to the neighbors door and tell me she wants to go visit...

Your are so right with the morning being her best time. I never even thought of that.

Thank you all for the encouraging words! She is doing really great this week , and actually is ready to go home when I pick her up ;-) on most days.

Also her language just exploded in these 3 weeks now. She was always talking a lot, but now she is actually telling me stories!!!

Katharina