Envy v. Jealousy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Envy v. Jealousy?
100
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 11:53am

As I was responding to a post in a thread above, I started to think about this. I think there is a world of difference between envy and jealousy. To me, envy is more akin to admiration--seeing something about someone else that you want to emulate for yourself or your own life. Jealousy is a more negative feeling, to me. Though I cannot define it well, I guess I see jealousy as based more in competition/comparison than in admiration.

I'm curious--do you see envy and jealousy as synonyms or do you distinguish between them, and if so, how?

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 12:05pm

i guess i could be jealous of gal fridays and professors who must run to the office every 2 minutes to answer a post or of someone who claims she lives in "europe" or of people who live in bad neighborhoods and send their kids

Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 12:08pm

no I think they're different.... I think jealousy is more negative and more destructive. I freely admit to envy -- I envy moms who are calmer than I, I envy people who can cook, I envy people with big close extended families.


 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 12:22pm

I guess, to me, envy is more reality-based, where jealousy is all the way into raging irrational passion. Also, with envy you covet something someone else has, with jealousy, you often fear being deprived of something.

I find both emotions quite pointless and a waste of time, although we probably all feel them once in a while. If I find myself truly desiring something, I usually try to focus on how I might get it, rather than waste my time being envious of people who already have it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 12:29pm
I went to my little paperback Oxford for this one. They say that envy is a desire for the things (or attributes) that someone else has- wanting them for yourself. While jealousy is resentment towards a person seen as a rival. So, like you said, that would make jealousy more negative. You can be envious of a friend's incredible new kitchen makeover and wish your kitchen looked like that. But still love them as a friend. But jealousy and warm-hearted feelings are pretty much incompatible. We can be envious of things other posters have (a short commute, a great boss etc.) but it makes no sense to be jealous of somebody on the internet because it's not possible for them to be your rival for something.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2008
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 12:42pm

"but it makes no sense to be jealous of somebody on the internet because it's not possible for them to be your rival for something."


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 12:49pm

To me, envy is based in admiration.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 12:53pm

"Bringing things up over and over that someone has or does is not envy but jealously that that person can not forget about and lets it bother them long after the discussion."

Could you give an example, because the way that reads you are making it sound as if you mean that you are jealous that PA's son moved schools a couple of times, for example, but that can't be what you mean, I think.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 1:09pm

According to the Oxford dictionary, jealousy is a resentment towards somebody seen as a rival. It is only possible to see somebody as a rival if you are in a IRL competition with them. You can jealous of somebody who got the promotion you wanted. Somebody who is claiming rather too much of your dh's attention. You can't be jealous of somebody on the internet unless you are competing with them for something IRL, such as blog hits or youtube hits. Nothing is at stake on a message board. We aren't actually competing for anything tangible- not even anything as tangible as blog hits. So there is nothing to be jealous of.

What I saw a lot in the subthread that generated this thread was annoyance. Annoyance isn't synonymous with jealousy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2008
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 1:11pm
I have been through this jealousy thing for almost 20 years with my mil (and it had nothing to do with me taking her son). I KNOW the signs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2007
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 1:17pm
ROFL... Whatever gets you through your day, dear.

Pages