Girl Friends

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-1999
Girl Friends
506
Sat, 11-27-2010 - 6:41pm

How many of you have girl friends that you see on a regular basis, do things with or talk to often?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
In reply to: mappers
Sat, 11-27-2010 - 7:17pm
I have to admit that most of the parties I go to are kid-related or work-relted in some way. I have two girlfriends that I will occasionally have lunch with; one is retired from my office and one is a close friend from church. I have never had time for a bunco/book club or dinner club commitment but a lot of people seem to enjoy them. Does your church have an adult ministries committee or anything like that? Ours sponsors a dinner club and it is four couples or eight people who agree to have dinner at each other's homes four times in four months. I know some lifelong friendships that have started up that way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
In reply to: mappers
Sat, 11-27-2010 - 7:23pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
In reply to: mappers
Sat, 11-27-2010 - 8:59pm

I was very social before having children, but since, I tend to be more introverted than I ever thought I would be. My closest and oldest friends I will always be there for, and will jump through hoops to spend time with them. But they are scattered around the country. With other friends, I find myself often turning down invitations largely due to conflicts, sick children, not having enough time with the kids during the week, or pure laziness--I really like having the low key evenings/weekends at home with my DH and children. With new people I meet, I often find myself thinking--she and I could be great friends--but then not feeling particularly motivated to take the steps necessary to develop that friendship. On one hand, if my oldest and closest friends lived close by, I would love a weekly girls' night. But they are women with whom I can just totally be myself and it never feels like effort to be with them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
In reply to: mappers
Sat, 11-27-2010 - 9:31pm

That's pretty much the case with me.





iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
In reply to: mappers
Sat, 11-27-2010 - 9:50pm
I think what you describe is pretty common among Moms with young children. When mine were little I got together with other women with small children and we took our kids to the park or the pool or whatever. Everything, even my friendships.was kid-centric. Only in the last five years (and my youunger one is now !4l have I found a close female friend in town and close to my own age. I feel so blessed to have found her!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
In reply to: mappers
Sat, 11-27-2010 - 9:54pm

Well, I have my work 'girls'--these are women who have worked several places with me even before we became federal employees.

************

Kitty

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
In reply to: mappers
Sat, 11-27-2010 - 9:58pm

"Yes it bothers me to not have local friends, but it doesn't bother me enough to add even more obligations to my plate."

This sums it up for me. I remember one holiday feeling a bit down because we did not have any invitations that were not from family members. I commented to my DH that it made me feel like an outcast, that we went from multiple invitations for that holiday every year to none. DH laughed and pointed out that even if we had them, we'd still be going to family or sitting at home, and instead of feeling like a loser, I'd be worrying that people we said no to would be upset with us. Then I'd spend another month trying to plan social engagements I did not really want to plan with each of those people to make up for it. He was, of course, right. I feel like I am supposed to have and want as many close friends with whom I spend as much time as I did during my teens and my twenties. But I am really content to have most of my interaction focused on my family at this stage of my life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
In reply to: mappers
Sat, 11-27-2010 - 10:39pm
The only thing that bothers me in these scenarios of younger mother without female friends around is that I have this stining suspicion that we were not meant to do this mothering thing all on our own, and that friends and family and comunity support is invaluable. Would we really have as much PPD for instance, if we all had girlfriends to help support us during the early weeks of motherhood? Somebody who knew us well enough to come in and throw in some laundry, or empty the dishwasher, or tell us that she'd hold the baby, but really, go take a shower and do something with your hair? Especially if we live far away from mothers, aunts. Sisters or cousins who fill that role, I think girlfriends are invaluable. Even now with my teens I love having one or two women with whom I can be totally honest, who know me and my kids strengths and weaknesses and love us anyway, on whom I can dump my fears and frustrations and allow them to do the same with me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-1999
In reply to: mappers
Sat, 11-27-2010 - 11:33pm
When my kids were little, I didn't really have any friends that I hung out with. The friends I have now, I met when DD #1 started school. Most of them are parents of daughters my DD is/was friends with and in my Girl Scout Troop. That's something I hadn't thought of until now....My DD is in the 8th grade and starts High School next year. It won't be the same school as most of these women's daughters. I wonder if we'll stay friends.

But you talk about young mothers with female friends and I think about my mother. She started having babies in 1951. My parents moved to a brand new neighborhood of typical 1950's suburb type houses. All the mothers stayed home during the day. Many of them either didn't drive or did't have a second car anyway. There was no air conditioning or dryers. They sat outside on the front porch on summer evenings. (I even have memories of this in the 1970's.) They hung cothes outside on the line and my mom talked about meeting "over the fence" to chat with the neighbors. I think air conditioning and dryers have really isolated us within our own neighborhoods.
Avatar for savcal2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
In reply to: mappers
Sun, 11-28-2010 - 12:49am

Hmmmm ...

  • I used to meet once a month with a ladies night out group.

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

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