Girl Friends

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-1999
Girl Friends
506
Sat, 11-27-2010 - 6:41pm

How many of you have girl friends that you see on a regular basis, do things with or talk to often?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2010
In reply to: mappers
Sun, 11-28-2010 - 6:47pm

How come you didn't make friends when you lived in AZ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2010
In reply to: mappers
Sun, 11-28-2010 - 6:51pm

Maybe some people get invited out more, are more social, shrug. I don't find the need to use free sitters all the time as after awhile they feel....used. I also don't feel the need to pay someone for everything that we are invited to. If it was a wedding or a catered affair, then I would. A small get together at someone's home, a dinner party or a bday party, no.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2010
In reply to: mappers
Sun, 11-28-2010 - 6:54pm

I guess the others who have corrected me over and over are weak then...shrug.

Avatar for savcal2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
In reply to: mappers
Sun, 11-28-2010 - 6:57pm
Well, I was only there a short time. I made some casual friends, and a few closer friends, but none that could provide the kind of emotional support I needed.

I probably could have made more/better friends if I'd tried. But I thought my kids and husband were enough. I was very focused on being a mom ... and didn't focus on maintaining my own individuality and my sense of self. By the time I realized the error of my ways ... it was too late.

I had a hard time bonding with the people I worked with ... they didn't have much in common with me. The women with whom I did actually make a connection were, like me, wrapped up in the lives of their kids and didn't think they had time to, or should, go out and do things, etc.

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
In reply to: mappers
Sun, 11-28-2010 - 7:14pm

what's the error of your ways, that you didn't focus enough on your individuality and sense of self?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2009
In reply to: mappers
Sun, 11-28-2010 - 7:14pm
Oh so now its monkey see monkey do...lol
Avatar for savcal2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
In reply to: mappers
Sun, 11-28-2010 - 7:22pm
Yes. Because not focusing at all on me, made me a very unhappy person. It's very hard to be a good wife and mother when you have no sense of self or identity.

FWIW, I also think xh suffered from the same affliction -- he also didn't have close friends. However, much of his self worth is tied up in his career, so he didn't need that quite as much as I did.


Also, FTR, I don't think this *caused* the divorce ... but it contributed to and also masked already existing issues.

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
In reply to: mappers
Sun, 11-28-2010 - 7:25pm

gosh, i haven't been to a wedding in yeras. everyone in our family is married, i'm patiently waiting on some nieces and nephews to get serious, there's my sister i have hopes for too...frankly, i didn't miss out on much in not hiring many sitters, my kids are just now at ages where my 13 YO babysits, eveyr once in a while a neighor babysat or a friend from DH's work would but it wasn't really something i was interested in doing a lot of anyway, weekends were typically family dinner out nights or videos......there was only one time i can remember that i was really challenged with making the decision of going out, it was a fancy event but our then baby was only 8 weeks old, while i know i could trusted care for him, "momma" kicked in full throttle and we decided to decline the invitation, they really are only that little once.

 

Avatar for savcal2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
In reply to: mappers
Sun, 11-28-2010 - 7:35pm
I had a whirlwind of weddings over the last two years, but it's petered out now.

Three good friends of dh's (two pretty formal weddings with fairly lavish receptions -- we rented a B&B for both of those; one church wedding with an informal reception), and then a friend of the whole family (formal reception - with kids in tow). It was great. I love weddings.

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2010
In reply to: mappers
Sun, 11-28-2010 - 7:41pm

Yeah, we don't have many weddings anymore also. We went to one a year ago of friend and we have one next year, another friend. If I can't get my free sitters then I will definately pay for a sitter.

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