happy marriage,happy parents,happy kids

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
happy marriage,happy parents,happy kids
129
Mon, 01-26-2009 - 6:37pm

sorry for the weird introduction (trying to squeeze too much into limited headline space,LOL).

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2009
Mon, 01-26-2009 - 7:07pm
I think happiness means alot. If the parents are calmer and happier, the children are usually the same way. I don't think you need to be "fake" happy though as children do need to know that life is not always fair and that people do have bad days but they will pass.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Mon, 01-26-2009 - 7:30pm

I don't think that happy is the adjective I'd use. It doesn't take into consideration the personalities of the individuals. I'm not sure what other adjective you could use, though. Over all, a family where the members love, respect, enjoy being with each other and being part of the family is more apt to turn out children who are happy, well adjusted, and law abiding adults (baring chemical imbalances). In those families whose members are alienated from each other, the children have a harder time becoming happy, well adjusted, law abiding adults.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-27-2009 - 4:49am

Conversely, my parents were married but unhappily, yet my brother and I are both law-abiding, contributing members of society with reasonably functional families of our own.

I know two families in which the marriages were/are extremely strong, happy and passionate and where that strong marital bond has been detrimental to the kids. Human life is messy and complicated and tends to defy rule-making.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 01-27-2009 - 7:47am
How was the strong marital bond detrimental to the kids? Did they form a dyad so exclusive the kids felt shut out?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Tue, 01-27-2009 - 7:49am
i don't think happiness needs to always be,dancing on air LOL either but all in all,if the dynamic is a satisfied,content one i would guess the kids likely that way too.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 01-27-2009 - 7:50am
DD isn't exactly what I'd call a happy child (though she certainly has her moments). But I will say this: she'd be in worse shape if dh and I were in worse shape. It sometimes feels like she's on the edge of a cliff and it's our joint effort that keeps her from tumbling over. And if we didn't have the unity as a couple we wouldn't be able to do this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Tue, 01-27-2009 - 8:01am

thanks.


perhaps another way to write this

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Tue, 01-27-2009 - 8:12am

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Tue, 01-27-2009 - 8:49am

i think my kids general are happy.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-27-2009 - 9:17am
Yes, and in both cases actually, when the dh had to go elsewhere for work, the dw followed him ditching the kids. IMO, it is not wise to leave 14-16yos in charge of themselves and those kids are likely to feel abandoned on some level. In both marriages, it was/is also extremely important for the spouses to have sex every afternoon, so family life was/is organized around making this possible. That in turn has an effect on what the kids can do in terms of activities etc. In general, the couple is more important than the family as a whole.

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