Has this board changed your mind?

Avatar for cindytree
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Has this board changed your mind?
15
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 9:42am
Has anyone's comments, posts or discussions here actually changed your mind about whether you should WOHM or SAHM? Or which you will be when you have children?

I'm just curious if anyone has actually been swayed to "the dark side" (lol) depending on what that is for you (woh or sah) based on the discussions here.

Has your choice become stronger or shakier based on the discussions?

What purpose does this board serve for you?

Cindy

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 10:01am
I have a much broader and deeper understanding of people's reasons for choosing their own lifestyles.

I exercise more due to djknappsak's passionate views on an active lifestyle.

I've realized that I am a minority in so many ways - I don't plan to go in and out of the workforce, I don't have "flexible dreams," and I really do love my career! I've also realized that I'm much more security and ego motivated than many other people here. I take a very long term view of things which is also different from many mothers with small children.

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Avatar for tickmich
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 10:09am
Good questions Cindy. The board discussions havent changed my mind. I WOH due to financial considerations. Still, I dont think there is anything with WOH for career fulfillment. If I could afford to SAH, I would do so until he went to kindergarten . I dont think my ds would be any better off having a SAH mom. I just would like be able to be with him.

Personally, I dont think there is anything wrong with SAH when the children are little but feel it is not a good idea when the children are older. Others on this board have contended that it is important to have a SAHP during those teen years. During my teen years, my mom always knew what I was up to and kept close tabs on me even though she WOH. My parents also instilled values in me which kept me down the straight and narrow.
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 10:19am
Well, I can not say my views have changed. I think everyone does what is best for their family. I also have a tendency to see the world in shades of gray so it is interesting to read posts from people that are so black and white in their world view.

I also have learned alot-pacifier tricks, how to get my 6 year old to clean his room and how to get my husband to quit using my razor!

I really enjoy the board. I am addicted. It is a great outlet and it is thought provoking. It is sometimes maddening.

Kristi

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 10:26am
This board sure HAS changed my mind about a lot of aspects regarding WOH.

I SAH/WAH. I think my very first posts here could probably have been seen as rather *militant* :)

I like to read and post on this board because it helps for me to gain perspective. I really have never WOH... and I don't know at this point if I will? As my children get older and more independent (and I no longer have 20 diaper changes per day) I have to wonder what the other side is like. From the bubble of my life, pre-board, I knew the dc around here was low quality. I had no idea that my area is just not typical. I also had some pretty bad preconcieved notions about WOH due to the way my own mother handled WOH. I have since come to the conclusion that not every WOHM does as she did.

I only continue with the board to keep it fresh in my mind. As a SAHM, my hat is off to WOHMs. I think mostly what I gain from this board is trying to obtain more open-mindedness and understanding through other's POVs and experiences.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 10:39am
You bring up another point for me. Since my mother was so unhappy in the later years of her SAH, that was my bias - that women couldn't truly be happy at home after their kids were beyond the infant stage. I have learned about SAHMs who love it, do it willingly and those who do it because they believe it's best for their children, EVEN IF they'd rather be working! Very, very admirable.

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Avatar for cindytree
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Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 12:07pm
peteynjoeysmom and jennamumm, my hat is off to you both for your honest and objective responses in posts 5 and 6. I would love to see more of that kind of mutual respect for the choices we all make here at the board but some just won't admit that the other side (whatever that is) has any validity.

Unfortunately, the debates take these negative, left turns. Sometimes I respond defensively and then get a sick feeling in my stomach because I honestly don't think WOH mom's are bad people and I know that how I can come across in a response isn't a true reflection of who I am or how I would respond to someone face to face. Sometimes people here throw out outrageous, unfounded statements presented as fact and the Hulk in me just kicks in, feeling I have to defend my choice, when really I don't. Do you ever feel that way?

Anyway, I love how you both expressed your respect for certain aspects of the lives others choose to live that are different than yours.

I'm not sure if I will continue posting at this board because it tends to make me feel worse than better (both to read the posts and the way I respond or want to respond even if I use self-control).

At least I know some here do come from a place of respect for the other side.

Cindy

Avatar for natsmom98
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 12:20pm
I am a WOHM (20-30 hours, but still WOH) and the board makes me feel better about my choice. I am surrounded by a lot of SAHMs in real life, and while I love their friendships, and my kids love playing with their kids, there's always that "daycare is bad" vibe and I get insecure and guilty. It's nice to be around other WOHMs that obviously care deeply about their kids and are fantastic mothers.
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 12:22pm
Any woman who is raising 4 kids, including one with a learning disability, gets nothing but respect from me.

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Avatar for tickmich
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 1:14pm
I do hope you continue to post. I admit I can get pretty opinionated myself and sometimes have to get away as I get too carried away.

You certainly dont have to justify yourself to anyone.
Avatar for cindytree
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 1:28pm
I guess I just have to wrap my mind around the fact that this is a debate board, nothing more or less and not take remarks personally. Thanks for the insight.

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