Has this board changed your mind?

Avatar for cindytree
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Has this board changed your mind?
15
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 9:42am
Has anyone's comments, posts or discussions here actually changed your mind about whether you should WOHM or SAHM? Or which you will be when you have children?

I'm just curious if anyone has actually been swayed to "the dark side" (lol) depending on what that is for you (woh or sah) based on the discussions here.

Has your choice become stronger or shakier based on the discussions?

What purpose does this board serve for you?

Cindy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2001
Sun, 06-29-2003 - 9:31am
>>What purpose does this board serve for you?<<

IRL, I'm shy .. I hold back my tongue because I hate face to face confrontation. I think I write much better than I speak and this forum allows me to debate in the manner I feel more comfortable doing. This particular board is wild ... free ... I am thrilled by the brilliant posts, godsmacked by the outrageous.

>>I'm just curious if anyone has actually been swayed to "the dark side" (lol) depending on what that is for you (woh or sah) based on the discussions here.<<

LOL ... I have never swayed from my opinion. I accept that most here have found purpose in doing what they have chosen, work or not. The one choice I don't understand is that of a mother whose dh isn't making enough to cover their needs and she fervently stands behind her belief that her child is better off without than for her to put her child in daycare so she can work to provide what her dh isn't. That is a most singularly self serving purpose, and the mother often declares "her children need her home for them" as the reason. There are far more "good" child care situations than "bad."

Linda

 

Linda - wife, mother, grandmum                     &nb

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 06-28-2003 - 9:01pm
As far as how I'll live, no. I am a back & forth mom. I have SAH, WAH, & WOH. I've had a very flexible work life, family life, and my hubby & I support each other emotionally and/or financially all throughout our ever changing life. Like I've said a bazillion times before, I have pretty much parented by instinct, or on the advice of close friends. I don't believe in "studies " that prove that WAH or SAH is better or worse than the other. You can find a study to support either position. If I'm not swayed by studies or parenting books, (again, you can find a parenting book that supports any position on any parenting "hot topic") then why would I be swayed by a debate board. But I do find it interesting.

One thing tho' that I've come to realize, is that some women can be very, very, harsh, and militant against other women. I think we are own worst enemies.(some women, not all) I have NEVER heard a man attack or villify a woman for her SAH or WOH choice the way I have heard some of the "militants" on this board to do so. And you "militants" on both sides know who you are. I feel that SAH, WOH, etc. choices are very personal, very individual, and there can not be blanket statements made either way. This board only re-inforces this view for me, especially when I see how vicious some of the militants on this board can be. (and you know who you are)

I also debate on the religion board, and on the spanking board. The debate never rises to the level of acrimony of this board. Isn't that amazing ?

Avatar for kazoomom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 06-20-2003 - 10:07am
If nothing else, I've been craving pasta for two days...
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 06-20-2003 - 5:50am
This board has solidified my position.
Avatar for cindytree
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 1:30pm
Thanks.
Avatar for cindytree
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 1:28pm
I guess I just have to wrap my mind around the fact that this is a debate board, nothing more or less and not take remarks personally. Thanks for the insight.
Avatar for tickmich
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 1:14pm
I do hope you continue to post. I admit I can get pretty opinionated myself and sometimes have to get away as I get too carried away.

You certainly dont have to justify yourself to anyone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 12:22pm
Any woman who is raising 4 kids, including one with a learning disability, gets nothing but respect from me.

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Avatar for natsmom98
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 12:20pm
I am a WOHM (20-30 hours, but still WOH) and the board makes me feel better about my choice. I am surrounded by a lot of SAHMs in real life, and while I love their friendships, and my kids love playing with their kids, there's always that "daycare is bad" vibe and I get insecure and guilty. It's nice to be around other WOHMs that obviously care deeply about their kids and are fantastic mothers.
Avatar for cindytree
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 12:07pm
peteynjoeysmom and jennamumm, my hat is off to you both for your honest and objective responses in posts 5 and 6. I would love to see more of that kind of mutual respect for the choices we all make here at the board but some just won't admit that the other side (whatever that is) has any validity.

Unfortunately, the debates take these negative, left turns. Sometimes I respond defensively and then get a sick feeling in my stomach because I honestly don't think WOH mom's are bad people and I know that how I can come across in a response isn't a true reflection of who I am or how I would respond to someone face to face. Sometimes people here throw out outrageous, unfounded statements presented as fact and the Hulk in me just kicks in, feeling I have to defend my choice, when really I don't. Do you ever feel that way?

Anyway, I love how you both expressed your respect for certain aspects of the lives others choose to live that are different than yours.

I'm not sure if I will continue posting at this board because it tends to make me feel worse than better (both to read the posts and the way I respond or want to respond even if I use self-control).

At least I know some here do come from a place of respect for the other side.

Cindy

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