Helicopter Parenting

Avatar for jamblessedthree
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Registered: 10-23-2001
Helicopter Parenting
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Sat, 02-23-2013 - 6:56am

In an effort to move on from the other thread, Lol......  What is helicopter parenting IYO?  Do you see it only at school or in other settings as well?  What does it look like?  Provide examples if you can, Thank you. 

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Sun, 02-24-2013 - 5:17pm
When we used to throw birthday parties for the kids (and I do not miss throwing them one little bit) the invitations to the party were to the child. Not to the child and family. I had enough pizza for the kids, enough cake and ice cream for the kids, enough goody bags for the kids. I was busy with games and activities for the kids. I did not have time to be interacting with parents, siblings, and Grandma Fran who was visiting for the weekend. Once in awhile we did have a parent volunteer to stay, but they usually saw I had enough paid help, and were often glad to drop off the kid and run an errand, go grocery shopping, whatever. I never minded if a parent wanted to stay, but I did mind if they wanted to drop off siblings who were not necessarily invited to the party. I was never rude enough to tell a child he or she wasn't wanted, though. It got so I would just plan for an extra child of two.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2013
Sun, 02-24-2013 - 5:42pm
We are friends with our children's friends parents. The kids do their thing and the parents socialize. Not much different than any other party we or the parents would have for other things.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2013
Sun, 02-24-2013 - 5:45pm
Not sure why the parents would stay at a sleepover lol. I am speaking of outside parties where you take the child for a little over an hour. No need to drive home for a few mins and come back or have to drive around to find something to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Sun, 02-24-2013 - 5:54pm
Oh, when I was hostessing a party for children, I was interacting with the children. For instance, if it was a pirate party I might be leading a treasure hunt. Or if it were a pony party, leading games for the group as they waited their turn for pony rides. Once we had a mad scientist party where the kids did messy, explosive "experiments." Once we had an ancient Egypt themed party and the kids wrapped each other like mummies. Between games, refreshments, and other activities, and taking pictures of all that, I was so busy with the kids I had no desire or time to make sure adults had food, drinks, etc. We have "all ages" parties, too, but they are fundamentally different from children's birthday parties. But if other people do it differently, that is perfectly fine with me.
Avatar for savcal2011
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Registered: 10-06-2010
Sun, 02-24-2013 - 6:08pm

hazeleyes2013 wrote:
We are friends with our children's friends parents. The kids do their thing and the parents socialize. Not much different than any other party we or the parents would have for other things.

When the kids were younger, their friends and our friends overlapped more.  But as they've gotten older, their circle of friends has expanded, particularly geographically.  In ES, the were friends mostly with kids in the same school, which meant the kids lived nearby ... leaving us parents more opportunity to know each other.  Also, in ES, parents are much more involved in school activities (PTA, field trips, testing, in-class volunteers, class parties, etc) so the parents got to know each other pretty well.    However, all our schools combine into one MS, one JH and one HS.  So those geographical boundaries go away and the kids start making friends with new kids.  And there is, comparitively, little parent interaction at the school itself; the parental involvement comes in via extracurricular activities (mostly fundraising) and in the academic arena.    All this to say that we are "friends" with less and less of our kids' friends as they get older.

However, I live in a small community, so even if I'm not *friends* with the parents of my kids' friends, I usually know them.  For instance, The Girl's boyfriend's dad is on the of the professors in my division and I also know him from the local running club.  Her BFF's dad I also know from the running club - and her boyfriend's dad and BFF's dad know each other really well.  There are quite a few of her friends whose parents I know on a much more social/friendly level - but less than there were when they were younger.

 

 

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

Avatar for savcal2011
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Registered: 10-06-2010
Sun, 02-24-2013 - 6:10pm

hazeleyes2013 wrote:
I am speaking of outside parties where you take the child for a little over an hour. No need to drive home for a few mins and come back or have to drive around to find something to do.

This too changes as the kids get older. My kids haven't been to an hour or 90minute long party in years.  The parties The Girl goes to are usually 4-5 hours, if not overnight.  The Boy's parties tend to be overnight.

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2013
Sun, 02-24-2013 - 6:11pm

hazeleyes2013 wrote:
We are friends with our children's friends parents. The kids do their thing and the parents socialize. Not much different than any other party we or the parents would have for other things.

I am also friends w/my kid's friends' parents. But I don't hang out and socialize w/them at their kid's bday parties. I currently stay at parties w/my kindergartener, but that's b/c she has life threatening allergies that require her to bring her own cupcake and carry an epi pen at all times. I'm simply not comfortable leaving her alone at bday parties yet. I'll get there eventually. Right now, everyone is more comfortable when I'm there. But I'm certainly not there to socialize. I'm there to make sure she doesn't die.

On Wednesdays we wear pink.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2013
Sun, 02-24-2013 - 6:16pm

savcal2011 wrote:
<p><blockquote class="quote-msg quote-nest-1 odd"><div class="quote-author"><em class="placeholder">hazeleyes2013</em> wrote:</div> I am speaking of outside parties where you take the child for a little over an hour. No need to drive home for a few mins and come back or have to drive around to find something to do.</blockquote></p><p>This too changes as the kids get older. My kids haven't been to an hour or 90minute long party in years.  The parties The Girl goes to are usually 4-5 hours, if not overnight.  The Boy's parties tend to be overnight.</p>

I don't think DS has been to a party this year that wasn't a sleepover. He's been having sleepover bday parties for the last 3 or 4 bdays...

On Wednesdays we wear pink.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Sun, 02-24-2013 - 6:36pm

hazeleyes2013 wrote:
We are friends with our children's friends parents. The kids do their thing and the parents socialize. Not much different than any other party we or the parents would have for other things.

Yes, I get the friend thing, we are friends with our kids friends parents too.  I'm just trying to understand your regional thing about going to kids birthday parties on a regular basis.  But you have to understand my confusion as this is quite different  from the previous thread where bord as taken to task for being in a different room than her child at a graduation party.  I guess I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around this because in my area when a parent hosts a child's birthday party, it is about the kid, not an opportunity for parents to have a social event.  Now regular parties, totally agree.  Well for the most part, I have always supervised my child (sliding based on age of course) at regular parties and not just let them do their thing while I socialized.  

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Sun, 02-24-2013 - 6:39pm

hazeleyes2013 wrote:
Not sure why the parents would stay at a sleepover lol. I am speaking of outside parties where you take the child for a little over an hour. No need to drive home for a few mins and come back or have to drive around to find something to do.

I don't know, but those are the types of parties that are pretty common in my experience from middle elementary school and up.  I'm not famliary with outside parties that last only an a little over an hour.  Are you talking like Chuckie Cheese or something like that?  If so, haven't done those since they were under 5 years old or younger.  Unless I was specifically invited to help or was needed in some other sort of way, I wouldn't stay, it's not common in my area.

PumpkinAngel

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